<p>As the parent of 3 girls, I would not spend the money to bring the boyfriend home. And he certainly would not be spending the weekend in my home. Clearly the mother is bowing to the wishes of the girl, who will “only be happy if he is around.” He is being used as a toy, and if he is sneaking home most weekends, he is not spending time on campus building relationships there. (Not to mention the time away from studies).</p>
<p>I would tell him he needs to make a choice - between his education and his girlfriend. If the girlfriend is his choice, that’s fine, but he needs to get a job so he can support himself, and possibly her. He is allowing his mother to pay for his education, with the belief that he takes it seriously. But he is then taking significant time off behind her back.</p>
<p>If he was approved for work study, I would make it abundantly clear that he is responsible for the money he is not earning - these weekend trips do cost him, because he could use that time either to earn his share of the expenses, or could be using the time to keep his grades as high as possible.</p>
<p>When I had a work study job in college, it was a Mon-Fri. job in a departmental office. My weekends were free. The OPs S should def. get the w/s job. Maybe the OP could present that as a good option…get the the w/s job, “be a man” and stop taking money from the gf’s parents, spend the weekends sleeping at his own home and she’ll stop complaining about the weekend visits with the gf.</p>
<p>When I was that age, my father was going bankrupt and had negative income. </p>
<p>I worked a lot in HS and made the money I needed. I had a full-ride to college, but I had to quit my job because it took too much time away from my studies. I borrowed money to meet my minimal self-help level. </p>
<p>I have no experience with financial leashes. Still, I can’t imagine my parents telling me who I could and couldn’t love and where and when I could or couldn’t love them. I also can’t imagine them using financial blackmail even if they could have. Faced with that kind of abuse, I would have definitely dropped out and paid my own way to escape that. </p>
<p>My D’s are free to to what they want with their love lives. I pay their way through college because I can. They rise or fall on their own.</p>
<p>I don’t think any of us is saying OP’s son couldn’t love anyone he wants. What I am having an issue with is how he is spending time and how he is going about it. If he is an adult then he should behave like one.</p>
<p>I would be on the phone to the girl’s parents as well as talk to my son. I am not really sure what your relationship is with the girls’ parents but I would have a non-confrontational discussion, maybe over a cup of coffee, and discuss your feelings and concerns. I agree that they are enabling your son to engage in behaviors that you do not approve. Perhaps the parents are not aware of how you feel and will be supportive and you can together come up with a plan that will respect everyones needs.</p>
<p>I know it can be hard to let go of an 18-year-old, but if he is attending and passing his classes, how he spends his free time should be his business. Yes, his GF is very young, but I know of several couples in my D’s high school with a similar age difference. None of the relationships lasted after the young woman went off to college and met other guys! Not every kid wants or needs the “college experience”, which is a fantasy anyway. What is it exactly? Frat parties and tailgating at football games? It seems to involve a LOT of drinking, as far as I can tell. It can be lonely on campus on weekends- a LOT of kids go home for the weekend if the college is one or two hours away. He’s probably homesick and lonely. Coming home might be keeping him from getting depressed.</p>
<p>He IS behaving like an adult male of the species who knows what he wants and is aggressively going after it. Frankly, I like his determination :-).</p>
<p>It’s hard to get back into the 18-year-old mindset, but I don’t think most people that age are ashamed that their parents are paying for their college expenses. Similarly, I don’t think they have the sensitivity most of us older people have about taking handouts. </p>
<p>I know of a girl, the daughter of two teachers (and therefore not exactly rolling in money), who went to a private college on the West Coast and became friends with some extraordinarily wealthy students. On several occasions, her friends included her in out-of-town trips (like to Las Vegas) and paid her way completely. She was part of the group, they wanted her with them, and they could easily pay for her expenses. She was comfortable with that. You or I, at our current ages, would not have been.</p>
<p>The OP doesn’t say her son is 18, BTW. My D will not be 18 when she is in her first semester of college, and for all we know, the 16 yo GF will be 17 in a month or two-for all we know they’re only a few months different in age-and that alone would explain his running home to see her often.</p>
<p>Some kids take longer to break up with the HS boy/girlfriend and move on. It took me the whole first semester. I went home every weekend (staying at home). Just before finals I got the typical “Dear John” letter. It happens. I don’t agree with the kid sneaking home, but I don’t have a problem with him still SEEING the girl-it’s what so many college kids do-just look at all the lovesick posts on the College Life forum. </p>
<p>Yes, it can mess up grades, but so can on-campus parties, too many EC’s and too many hours of work. It doesn’t have to be either/or. He’ll come around.</p>
<p>If we don’t tell them it is not appropriate then they will never know. That’s why there are some young adults who are clueless when it somes to what’s appropriate. I see it all the time at work. </p>
<p>Going on few trips with a family is different than having the girlfriend or boyfriend’s parents pay for travel every weekend. If he couldn’t even afford to pay for his own travel, he can’t afford to have a girlfriend.</p>
<p>Someone I knew in college was offer a car from his girlfriend’s dad, so he could visit the girlfriend every weekend. He declined the offer. He took the bus whenever he wanted to visit her.</p>
<p>This is the classic scenario of a teenager taking all the privileges and freedom that go along with being an adult, but refusing to assume any of the responsibilities. My children try it all the time. I refuse to play ball in those circumstances.</p>
<p>my son is 18 and was a post secondary student and graduated from high school with his aa. so going to school here isn’t possible…i like the 16 year old girlfriend and do realize that they very well could get married one day…</p>
<p>Maybe focus less on the girlfriend and more on the “you need a job” angle. If he can have a job and keep the girlfriend, maybe it’s something you could live with.</p>