<p>Good job, nurseratchet. You’re doing a good thing.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Well yeah, I was thinking that as well. But it just sounded odd as your description of them perfectly matched this one couple I knew.</p>
<p>nurserachet, is there any update that you are able to share?</p>
<p>The parents went to counseling on monday and felt pretty good about it and continuing. The counselor’s advice to them was to make it clear to the daughter that she will be on her own financially if she makes this decision. This was the deal long before college about not getting married while in college. She focused on the parents enabling etc. I have been in contact with the DD through email about her budget, financing etc. She was enthusiastic at first but now that the reality has set in my guess is I’ll hear less from her and she’ll be listening to more from her married friends"who all have money left over at the end of the month!!" I have flip flopped reading these posts. At first my thoughts were don’t continue to pay for school if she knew the deal going in. Then after the posts I agreed it was really important for her to finish her degree in case she gets divorced. Now, I just don’t know. The kid is insistant it’s her parents fault that she doesn’t understand all this stuff and wants to struggle. So I say let her struggle. It will be a good lesson in life. Instead of figuring out what she’ll need to pay for and how she’s calling to ask the parents if they’ll buy the bridesmaid’s dresses for the wedding they can’t attend. Very immature thinking. The school is reasonable compared to a lot of schools so we are not talking about a lot of debt here. I think if it were me I would have her now take out student loans and then I’d have the option if I wanted to pay them back for her later. If she gets divorced in a year, sure I’d pay them off. If he flunks out of school, is running up credit cards etc on foolish things I wouldn’t be so eager to do it 2 years from now.</p>
<p>The D is indeed immature to insist that her parents are to blame for her lack of knowledge instead of facing reality.
I’m still in favor of continuing to pay her tuition as long as she is in college, but not other expenses.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>How about not paying for a year. Then, once she realizes what she has done, offer to pay for college. Then she will really appreciate the opportunity and not waste it.</p>
<p>" Instead of figuring out what she’ll need to pay for and how she’s calling to ask the parents if they’ll buy the bridesmaid’s dresses for the wedding they can’t attend "</p>
<p>Probably too late for this family, but perhaps for your other friends the bargain should be “I won’t pay a dime for your wedding if you haven’t graduated” instead of “I won’t pay for school if you get married first”… Do you think that would make a difference?</p>
<p>I wouldn’t pay a dime for a wedding I was not allowed to attend. </p>
<p>This girl sounds like she has a bad case of entitlementitis.</p>
<p>I agree with both 207 & 208.</p>
<p>I am also in full agreement with 207 and 208 (or is that = 209)?</p>
<p>I do not know where you live, ellemenope, but size is a big thing in the Mormon church. Perhaps no particular number as stated by the church, except for “the more the merrier.”</p>
<p>If you live in Utah valley, it is NOT normal to have 0, one, or two children. It is much more common to see groups from 4-6+. Sure there is no “you must have 5 children” rule, but there is definitely an implication to have more children (especially boys) to add more Mormons to the pool. </p>
<p>There is no source needed. My brother has six children, and both of his neighbors had 4+ children. His Wife is one of 12 siblings. Going to church on Sundays, you generally see a Mom, Dad, and at least two kids. Many parents are in their early twenties, with plans to have more.</p>
<p>I hope the parents are not paying for the bridesmaid’s dresses. My goodness. </p>
<p>If for no other reason, I wish this young woman were not marrying because if this does break up, she’s going to be responsible for half the debt they run up together. And something tells me that he is the one who will be running up the most.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Wow. Just… wow.</p>
<p>In my experience bridesmaids buy their own dresses. Perhaps all of those friends with money left over at the end of the month don’t have enough left over to afford a dress. That might be instructive.</p>
<p>In my experience as well, Mdoc. I used to have a closet full of bridesmaid dresses that really knocked me back financially and that I could not wear again. Wish I had kept them as I could use them for my kid’s school play. Am renting some that would be ringers for what I had.</p>
<p>If the parents are not permitted to come to the ceremony, they should gently remind the D of the fact, and say that if that is her choice for the type of wedding she wants, that the parents are not going to pay for that. They would like to have a dinner or a small reception later that they and family and friends can attend. All of this should be said as graciously as possible.</p>
<p>I’m with cpt, no way I’m paying for a wedding I’m not allowed to attend.</p>
<p>I’m definitely in the camp of those who say don’t pay for the wedding if you can’t attend and definitely don’t pay for bridesmaids’ dresses! Finding a bridesmaid dress that a) all of your friends look decent in, b) can afford, and c) can wear again is one of the integral challenges of bridehood. Or bridedom. :D</p>
<p>As for “having money left over at the end of the month,” this girl needs to realize that that is called SAVINGS. And that they will need that money as soon as there is an unplanned expense such as a car repair or an illness. (Or a bridesmaid dress to buy. 
)</p>
<p>Not afraid of; afraid for, and wanting to protect their children from their own immaturity.</p>
<p>I would pay for the education (particularly in prep for the eventual divorce) but there is no way on God’s green earth that I would contribute a penny to any wedding expense!!!</p>
<p>Consolation says: As for “having money left over at the end of the month,” this girl needs to realize that that is called SAVINGS. And that they will need that money as soon as there is an unplanned expense such as a car repair or an illness. </p>
<p>Or a baby on the way.</p>