<p>RVM–Oy, Sista! I agree with the GC as to the safeties and matches. Duke, Penn and Vandy maybe too reachie??</p>
<p>RVM: I think that your son could add a few reaches but I think that the ones you were considering earlier (Miami and Tulane) are more realistic. From what I remember, I doubt that he would have the course rigor for the schools the GC mentioned. Oy is right!</p>
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<p>RVM - Is the GC paying?</p>
<p>levirm - yes - I meant Univ. of MD - not ND as in North Dakota! You can tell I was frazzled! We’ve been discussing substituting UMDCP for Towson now that he has the higher ACT score. I have not been a huge UMDCP fan - but I guess it can hover on the list for now. I guess we could add Tulane and Univ. of Miami - oh wait - there’s the high price tag and the costs/hassle of flying back and forth. I HATE being limited by money - but that’s the reality. I am not a happy camper tonight.</p>
<p>LINYMOM - the funny thing is - in anticipation of the meeting today - I e-mailed her and specifically said - no $50,000+ schools! I guess she wasn’t listening.</p>
<p>I think he is a solid candidate for merit money at Tulane and Miami.</p>
<p>Vitrac - I guess there’s nothing to lose by applying and seeing what happens. It’s just that I already had the awful experience with S1 of having him get into a school he liked - and then not getting any aid and having to tell him it was off the list. I’d like to think I learned something from that experience and am not going to repeat the same mistakes again with S2.</p>
<p>RVM:</p>
<p>You know this already, but won’t your S get good merit $$ is he goes to one of the so-called safeties; ie: Elon?</p>
<p>Does Elon have an honors college he would be eligible for?</p>
<p>Do you want to re-visit u of Richmond again?</p>
<p>Only problem with Lehigh is that they get a lot of snow?!</p>
<p>Some of the suggestions by the g.c. are outrageous! Hello?</p>
<p>I just met someone (Jewish, but I doubt practicing) that went to Elon undergrad for Sports Management and then went to Clemson for grad…and this was a good 8-10 years ago that he was an undergrad!</p>
<p>Cute re: Otto1234…for that reason I am not letting my children see my screen name, lol!</p>
<p>RVM-I told my d she could not attend Tulane without merit money. She understood the ground rules at the outset. If your son can accept the rules, it’s worth applying. I say this regarding Tulane and Miami bc I think he has a reasonable chance for merit aid. For the other GC choices, not so much.</p>
<p>chocchip - we will be at Elon again in April. I am really hoping he loves it and it remains his first choice. It meets all of our criteria. And yes - we certainly could look at Richmond - there’s just that pesky price issue again.</p>
<p>Vitrac - you are right. The reason I got into so much trouble with S1 was that I made foolish promises I could not keep. I do know better now. As long as S2 understands that attending will be conditional on aid - then we are on the same page.</p>
<p>The financial strain is just particularly acute tonight as S1 as filled me in on some plans of his for the summer that make sense and I support - but they also add unexpected costs to the budget - which is already very strained. The worrier in me is going full force tonight.</p>
<p>We are visiting Elon in April also!</p>
<p>Some people have beat me to it, RVM, but based on my D’s results this year, I would have to say that your GC is right about the safties and matches (with the caveat that one doesn’t always get accepted at a match). But unless you’ve been hiding his light under a bushel, those reaches seem a bit too reachy. Maybe the GC is just used to other less clued-in parents and the overly high expectations they have for their children.</p>
<p>Anyway, it’s good to know that you will have plenty of fodder and reason to continue this thread for one more year, while scoping out and researching appropriate reaches.</p>
<p>Vitrac, we’re going for a Phoenix Friday on April 1st. I’ve already started compiling a list of questions and areas to look into further.</p>
<p>Take a breath RVM. You still have the same wonderful kid with a lower ACT score that you have now. Only now is admission and scholarship chances are improved. Back then you and he were really clear on what you were looking at. Just because a student can apply to and get into a reach school, it doesn’t mean he has to or wants to. You don’t have to muddy the waters unless S2 is really looking for these reachier schools. </p>
<p>You’ve been at this for months, no need to let a brief GC meeting change things for you.</p>
<p>RVM Your son clearly has a chance for merit aid at U of Miami. That being said, the question also becomes is he and you comfortable with the distance and travel required from home. If Miami and Elon are equal in cost, there still is that lack of last minute trips home or visits to campus due to flight costs.
We estimate our travel expenses to be about $3,000 - $5,000 annually. That includes trip out, back, Fall break, fake break, Parents weekend, Thanksgiving, and winter break. You are correct it does not come cheap and can’t be discounted as a cost. I love GC’s who feel free to operate outside of our budgets. </p>
<p>Spectrum2 is right - breathe your son has time to take into account all the parameters</p>
<p>Here’s an observation - not specifically related to our discussion about colleges for the Jewish B student, but more about our focus on “getting the college selection right” with our kids.</p>
<p>I think I’m a bit surprised about all the kids I’m hearing about transferring. I’m sure this happens every year, but since this is my DD’s friends group that are freshmen this year, I’m hearing more about it.</p>
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<li><p>One boy picked Syracuse over UDel. Now he hates the snow, probably had other concerns, came home and went to local CC this semester and is considering UDel, Rutgers and UConn for the fall.</p></li>
<li><p>One girl was so excited to attend URI (Rhode Island). I saw her at the St. Patrick’s Day parade (DS marched in the band!) and she came home after first semester. Said “everyone in Rhode Island hates New Yorkers!” - Yeah, everyone. Anway, she’s taking classes at the local CC and applying to SUNY schools for the fall.</p></li>
<li><p>Another girl picked Miami over Penn State. According to her mom, was having “friends” issues in the Fall; then I heard last month that she didn’t get into any sorority and wants to transfer to PSU.</p></li>
<li><p>My DD’s best friend was so excited to be going to Susquehanna. Got there the first day and said it’s not for her. Came home a week later. Going to CC this semester; applying to Stony Brook for the fall (so she can live at home).</p></li>
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<p>I’m just sharing this because we are all so focused on helping our kids find the perfect school - academics, social life, spirit, religious, distance from home, cost. I’m sure the parents of all the kids above (I know most of them) did the same. Sometimes, it just doesn’t work out that way and THAT’S OK.</p>
<p>I remember my dad visiting schools with me back. He loved all of them and said that if it were him, he would go to a different school every year!</p>
<p>Just wanted to add some perspective - which I need too.</p>
<p>Great post, Linymom. I know of a lot of kids who transferred also. It does seem like it often comes down to social issues, or distance from home. </p>
<p>I think that kids have a better chance for success if they have already spent some time away from home. It’s important for them to get out of their comfort zone. From the time
D2 started pre-school, she never tried anything (camp, sports, etc.) without a friend. Last summer she went to the BU Summer Challenge for two weeks on her own. I wanted to be sure that she was comfortable in an urban environment, and I wanted her to see how easy it is to make friends when everyone is in the same boat. She settled right in, and probably could have stayed and successfully started college last fall. It was good practice for going away to college. I hope it makes her transition easier.</p>
<p>I just want to add something about social issues, which is SO different than when we went to college.</p>
<p>Today’s kids are so connected to their old friends when they get to college - through FB, skype, ichat, etc. It’s not like when we went to school and the only way to stay in touch with HS friends was to write a letter or make an expensive phone call. I met my two BFF’s the first day of college and remain very very close with them today (talk to one on AIM every morning!).</p>
<p>Today’s kids are so close with their pre-college friends – and may not have a tight-knit group so quickly at college (tight-knit as compared to what they had at home or at summer camp). This is where their coping abilities and their perspective kick in.</p>
<p>My DD doesn’t feel like she’s found a core group yet at school, yet she is always going out with friends. She just has so many close, close friends from HS, summer camp, NFTY, even the comunity hebrew HS she went to once a week for two years - and she is still in touch with them all the time. So comparatively, she doesn’t have a close group (yet) at college. She still loves it. (Although I am very excited for her going to DC for the weekend today to visit her friends at Catholic/GW/Georgetown. Ironically, she’s staying with the girl who is at Catholic - I can’t wait to hear about that!).</p>
<p>Hope you all enjoy the spring-like weather if you are having it today! Supposed to be 70 here on Long Island - I have a lot of work so I’m not sure I can get out, but the view out my window will be nice!</p>
<p>Hi Spectrum2 - just to clarify - the brief GC meeting did not change things for me at all - it’s S2 who is suddenly questioning whether he should have some reaches on his list. I am still very happy with the list we have been working on the past few months.</p>
<p>LINYMOM - thanks for adding all of those transferring examples - very good point. From what I have observed - girls tend to transfer more over “friend” issues, distance from home and the school being “too southern”. Boys - more often they are transferring to a larger school or one that is a little higher academically after finally getting their act together and having a great freshman year. Of course, I am generalizing.</p>
<p>I can’t remember if we already discussed this - but why did the girl leave Susquehanna so quickly? She certainly did not give it much of a chance.</p>
<p>Right now - I am just focusing on our upcoming visits to Elon and CofC. Hopefully he will love those 2 schools and we will be back on track.</p>
1 Like
<p>Interesting stuff. I’ll make a few comments:</p>
<p>1) RVM - my D was very much in your S’s camp six months ago when she pulled a 31 out of the ACT hat. Until then, we were looking at schools much the same way you have; in fact, her reachiest schools - aside from the auditioned theatre schools - were test optional anyway. But after that score SHE said, “You know, I always wanted to apply to X and Y, do you think I have a chance now?” She said she knew she might get rejected, but it was a “dream” and she was in the “you never know until you try” mode. </p>
<p>These days as a mom sometimes I wish she hadn’t added those schools, just because I’m afraid they’ll just add to the rejections she’s bound to get in the next couple of weeks. But I remind myself that she is in the mid 50% in GPA and upper 25% for ACT, so she could still win that lottery (these are 25% acceptance rate schools).</p>
<p>If he wants to see if it’s possible, I think he should go for it, and prepare for bad news, like anyone. I know you went through a lot last time with Duke, and also have worries about the money working out (of course these are always the most expensive ones, so it’s a worry for us, too). For my D I think it all boils down to “could I have made that cut?” and that’s important to her. Let him lead on this one. I think it’s really important for the ownership aspect.</p>
<p>2) Misfit/transferring: We all know stories both ways. I think it can be a very good idea for kids to transfer: if they are that unhappy, or unready, and they have the energy and determination to make the transfer happen (which takes maturity), good for them. Sticking it out can end up being very discouraging and a waste. Yet of course we all know kids where things got much better - I just heard Weds about a girl who was totally miserable 1st semester, but now loves the school so much she can’t even imagine doing a study abroad and missing a moment there, yada yada. </p>
<p>All I’d say is that we have to be prepared for these feelings in our kids, and to respond thoughtfully, and let them run their game as much as we can. Even if it means they’re being a bit “immature” in our opinion, it’s their 4 years to live, and they have to be invested in being where they are. My D is taking a huge gamble if she enters a degree program that’s notorious for huge amounts of work and 100% dedication … and if she finds it isn’t right for her after all, I absolutely will let her transfer. I might even check with her 2nd or 3rd choice to see if there are any doors that can be left open a crack. It happens, and the last thing I would want is for an 18 year old to think they’ve ruined their life or been a total failure already. Just pick up and start again. If they get to the point where they’re wasting money, then they would need some limits. Hopping from school to school, blowing credits on stuff that won’t work … that gets hard to stomach, but we also know kids where that’s just had to be their journey, until they can put things together in a way that works for them.</p>
<p>3) And distance. My D1 is 1000 mi away. There have been transportation costs, and some frustrations because of distance. She’s always felt the school itself was worth it, and we supported that. BUT we never promised her she could come home for every break. She got to school, from school, and winter break. Some years she got spring break (sometimes she had other plans), and we did Thanksgiving once because there was something important going on. There was no way she was coming home 5-6 times a year on our dime - that was part of the tradeoff of the faraway expensive school, in our family. She’s come home a couple of times to see her BF, and on those trips they’ve split the airfare.</p>
<p>If D2 goes faraway at the same cost, it will be the same for her; her most probable school at a distance right now, though, is half that price, so we’ll probably have a more generous budget for her for things like that. We’ve also learned how extremely helpful it is if that faraway school has great airport access. That will play into D2’s decision, too - half of her schools are a stone’s throw from one, but another cluster are in an area that would mean getting a bus or shuttle to an airport at least 45 min away. That could get very old. She’s very aware of this going into decision time.</p>
<p>EmmyBet - very thoughtful post - thank you. I think I just got into the mindset that we were “done” as far as developing his list of schools and I am a little reluctant to revisit decisions that have already been made - but maybe we will do just that.</p>