<p>My D’s non-Jewish friends (she’s the only Jewish kid in the HS, honestly) held up signs at her marching band show, one of which read “She’s JEW-CY!”</p>
<p>My D got a kick out of that. I think she feels it’s much easier when people don’t worry that it shouldn’t be talked about. My other D was more sensitive about being “token;” she wanted very much to go to a school with a higher Jewish population, just so that she wouldn’t feel so alone. Her school has 30%, but actually she has participated in very few Jewish activities, lived across the street from Hillel for a year and half and only had bagels there once, because a friend invited her. </p>
<p>She does like being in a place where it’s not a big deal to other people. D2 doesn’t care about Jewish population at all - it’s funny that she could easily end up at a school on LI (Adelphi) because of its theater program. We met a girl there, blond, looked like a cheerleader - she was from Texas and wore a Star of David. I would have loved to hear her perspective on this question. D2 is prepared for all types, particularly if she ends up in the tri-state area. Even in our small county, we saw them all at our temple - the kids who had Hummer limos and ball gowns at their Bat Mitzvahs, and my D, who had a picnic and Irish dance party.</p>
<p>My D2 just thinks it’s all part of life’s salad - she kept that “She’s JEW-CY” sign as a memento of fun times, and many of her teachers have said they appreciate the perspectives she generously shares during class discussions.</p>
<p>I also apologize if I offended anyone. I was reacting in response to a post that said that someone had commented that a particular school wouldn’t be good for anyone from LI…just took off on that comment. Sorry again.</p>
<p>Thanks Rodney. To support what other LI’ers have said, there was one “jappy” girl in my D’s group. Sadly, she is the butt of everyone’s humor. I say sadly because I don’t like to see the kids lacking compassion. However, she does bring it on herself.</p>
<p>I wouldn’t want the other kids (mostly non-Jewish) thinking it’s because she’s Jewish.</p>
<p>And it’s sad because her parents haven’t done her any favors. She has social problems. These kids have graduated college and are all doing socially valuable things: my D is going into public interest law (CUNY Law School), one friend is pursuing a program to teach history in inner cities, one young man finished a masters in public health and is now going to law school and one returned from a year in a rural village in Indonesia and is now going to law school. Someone else is pursuing museum work in the sciences to help kids feel comfortable with science. Another young woman is at Harvard in a lab looking a liver cells working with liver cancer.</p>
<p>These kids are are varying degrees of wealth and at least half attended Ivies. All are down-to-earth except for this one girl who is sitting at home writing a young adult novel (is known to NOT be a good writer) and not working or contributing to her household.</p>
<p>She is Jewish, but so is my D and the girl teaching in inner city schools is half Jewish.</p>
<p>So yes, it’s not about religion.</p>
<p>It was a small school and all the kids in AP classes were friends, and they wouldn’t think of “kicking” this girl out of their group.</p>
<p>I am sure there are non-Jewish women with equally self-absorbed lives.</p>
<p>I think all ethnic groups tend to say things among themselves, in a setting such as this, which they would never say elsewhere and which they do not intend as blanket indictments.</p>
<p>Here in NJ, for example, many of the same people who rant against our depiction on Jersey Shore love talking to other NJ’ers about how many such kids they see at the beach or at a mall.</p>
<p>From my experience, there are certain towns–a poster named many–where conspicuous consumption and self-entitlement is very common. It is obviously not just limited to us, as all the “Real Housewives of…” shows have shown, it is usually a matter of being nouveau riche and vulgar. Then again, when I worked in Philadelphia, although the old WASP money did not flaunt their money publicly very often, it was frequently because they simply did not think anyone except their small group was worth flaunting anything to.</p>
<p>Maybe there is a lesson in all of this talk about “Jappiness”. Maybe this phenominon grew out of our parents coming to this country with little and because of their education, drive and values they were able to transform their lives and give their kids better lives. Perhaps peer pressure to be " successful" grew out of this drive.</p>
<p>While stereotyping isn’t ever a good thing. The word “JAP” was understood in all parts of the country where there was a Jewish population, just my experience. I guess all of us need to have our eyes open to not allow this to propogate in our children. (Although shallow rich kids to exist in all cultures. ) </p>
<p>On the bright side I just asked S who has gone to URJ camp since 3rd grade if kids talked abut Jappiness. He had no idea what I was talking about. He thought I was talking about people who are Japanese!</p>
<p>Everyone is forgiven! Even in what we say among ourselves, we see there are sometimes comments that might not be appropriate. I just commented on that to raise awareness. My FIL, Jewish but very uneducated, says a lot of these stereotypical nasty comments about Jews, I think because he thinks it’s funny. He believes it’s ok because he is Jewish. To me, that is NOT ok. I hate hearing it and I hate that my kids hear it. I cringe every time.</p>
<p>I think all of us here agree that we want our kids to be well-rounded and tolerant, and also appreciate who they are and find those they can relate to when they go off to college.</p>
<p>BTW - this is my college-bound D’s last weekend home. She leaves Monday for her URJ camp job in another state (comes home for prom, graduation and between camp and college, but only for a couple of days each). This is so hard…</p>
<p>rockvillemom: Thanks for posting those links. One of my D’s best friends from her URJ camp is graduating now from that Solomon Schecter school! She is going to Pace University in NYC.</p>
<p>Getting back to CofC, I read the post about northern kids leaving due to culture shock right after reading a news report that a prominent South Carolina State Senator is refusing to support the Republican nominee for governor because she is not a Christian.</p>
<p>All states have their bigots (and NJ politics certainly has a lot of crooks and fools), but South Carolina, also home of Governor Sanford, the congressman who yelled that the President was a liar, and a Democratic nominee for Senate who is both bankrupt and awaiting trial for a sexual felony involving children, is having a bad stretch.</p>
<p>It <em>is</em> so hard to let them go. D has was living in Atlanta for a year, but she came back to live for the first half of the summer. She is preparing to move into a NYC apartment where she hopes to stay for all of law school and it will become her permanent address.</p>
<p>I don’t she’ll ever be home again for an extended stay.</p>
<p>A brief continued side topic comment/rant about stereotypes. </p>
<p>I wholeheartedly agree with LINYMOM and unbelievablemom. I have a knee-jerk negative reaction to stereotyping of any kind. Most of my younger s’s HS friends were not jewish, and he didn’t mind when they called him “jew” or when they all poked fun at using coupons or discounts. I, on the other hand cringe, and get upset by such comments, even if they are in jest. Even if they aren’t meant to be offensive, they are offensive.</p>
<p>Last night at the supermarket I ran into 2 people from my neighborhood-- one happened to be a past neighborhood association president and the other is the current president (both female). We chatted about the house next door to me that just sold a day or 2 ago, and I mentioned that the purchasers, who I have not yet met, are Pakistani. The current president started a long rant about all the asians moving in and how they never volunteer or help out with the community and how the asian parents are dropping their kids off at the swim meets and then leaving without helping out. She went on and on and ON about how they never volunteer and how its against their culture or something. It was really tacky. I kept trying to subtly jesture to her with my eyes and head, but she kept going and going, until the past president, who worked UNBELIEVABLY hard for the neighborhood, both when she was and was not president or on the board, politely excused herself. The past president is half Japanese. I was surprised that she did not say anything. I was horrified at the current presidents comments, but didnt know what to say, so said nothing until the past president left.</p>
<p>What was worse-- after the past pres left and I told the current pres that she (past presindent) was half asian, the current president wasn’t in the least bit embarrassed. Her response: “well then she should know her culture and that they do this all the time”. :eek: :eek: I was astounded. I can only imagine what she thinks/says about other cultures or religions. Bigots are everywhere. </p>
<p>I don’t want my son to feed into that kind of thinking, even in jest. I hope the jew comments have stopped with my s and his HS friends (some of whom he is on a roadtrip with this weekend). I doubt such comments are said or tolerated at his college, which happens to have a large jewish population. But sadly, my neighborhood president, who happens to have moved here from CT, shows that ignorant thinking shows no age bounds. Personally, I don’t think anyone brings stereotypic comments on themselves. It is imposed by people who interpret someone else’s behaviors from their own myopic eyes. JMO. Rant over.</p>
<p>Thank you to the above posters who filled me in on South Carolina and C of C a little more - this is now in the “hmm…” category.</p>
<p>What a fascinating conversation on Jewish stereotypes within our own culture. This reminds me of African Americans who might value lighter skin over darker skin or straighter hair over kinky. I keep meaning to see the Chris Rock movie on attitudes African Americans have towards their hair - have to rent it one of these days. One of things I love is that my boys seem to be about as free from prejudice as one can be, having grown up in such a diverse area. They have friends from every ethnic group - and they don’t even think about it - it is completely normal and natural to them. They far exceed me in this area. I guess you never know where life will take you and they could always end of in a less diverse area later in life for a job or other reasons - but at least for college - I do value a diverse campus with a reasonable number of Jewish students.</p>
<p>I have also heard my kids talk about the “funny” Jew jokes…never funny. I get very riled up at these, or any other, racist jokes, whether they originate from within the race or not.</p>
<p>I am so fortunate to teach in a very diverse community college with so many minority groups and immigrants (as well as wealthy Nassau county kids) that in my classroom I no longer even see color. It’s been quite a gift.</p>
<p>One time I was teaching Hamlet as partly a land dispute between the Danes and the Norwegians (Fortinbras pere et fils). I offered the Israeli/Palestinian passion as an example of how heated these disputes can get. It just so happened that I had both Israeli and Palestinian students in the class who got into a heated argument.</p>
I’ve always thought Sherwin Wine was an interesting guy. I know someone who is very active in Humanistic Judaism in Brooklyn. I think his concept of ignosticism is interesting: [Ignosticism</a> - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia](<a href=“http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ignosticism]Ignosticism”>Ignosticism - Wikipedia)</p>
<p>I’m coming to South Carolina’s defense (sorta):</p>
<p>I’ve lived in South Carolina for 15 years. The politics here are often embarrassing. But, please understand that while we have a few vocal idiots, we also have amazing people – including the head of his own political party – who called out that state senator and requested his resignation. Actually, the state senator called her a “raghead” (her parents are from India.) She lists her religion as Methodist. She is endorsed by Sarah Palin which makes her, depending on which side you sit, either wonderful or horrible.</p>
<p>Will your children find anti-semitism here? Sure. But just as likely, you will find people who are fascinated by Judiasm, very, very supportive of Israel, and while, they just know you are going to hell, will be very respectful and “in awe” of you. Religion is not taken for granted here. </p>
<p>As for Charleston: at one time, Charleston had the largest Jewish population of any US city. It is home to one of the oldest Reform congregations on America plus thriving conservative and orthodox congregations. Marion Square, the park right across from CofC, which is host to the city’s outdoor art shows and farmer’s market, features a huge Holocaust Memorial sculpture. </p>
<p>CofC may not be the right fit for your child. But I would hesitate to rule it out solely based on religion.</p>
<p>Actually, stillnadine, I think the synagogue you mentioned in Charleston is in fact the oldest Reform Jewish Synagogue in the US.</p>
<p>As I mentioned upthread, I have several Jewish friends whose kids have gone to or are currently attending CofC. They are southern jews, and seem to love C of C. The issue may be more a north/south rather than religious issue, as was mentioned by the parents of these kids (I posted their response to this question many pages back).</p>
<p>stillnadine stated: "Will your children find anti-semitism here? Sure. But just as likely, you will find people who are fascinated by Judiasm, very, very supportive of Israel, and while, they just know you are going to hell, will be very respectful and “in awe” of you. Religion is not taken for granted here. "</p>
<p>As a Yankee transplanted down south it took me a while to understand this phenomenon. That is, people believing I was going to hell but still acting as nice and friendly to me as anyone else. Over time I came to see that while our kids played together, and while they were very nice to me, these people were never my friends and never initiated a friendly rendez vous unless they wanted something. If I was the initiator it was great. If they initiated it was only because there was another agenda. This is just my experience but I wouldn’t want to send my child to a school where a good part of the population had this mindset. Adjusting to college is hard enough without having to decifer who your friends really are.</p>
<p>I know that Oxford/Emory was discussed some earlier in this thread but if anyone has anymore information please post it.</p>
<p>spectrum2: Yep. I have seen/felt that, especially with long time residents, who already have huge social circles and have no real interest in people “from away.” When we first moved here, everyone seemed so friendly and I though it was going to be easy to make friends. But, then I figured it out – how to find true friends. I guess that’s true about anywhere one moves to but the “niceness” really throws you off.</p>
<p>I have a friend who’s parents advised her not to get close to people who either don’t have family from here or who don’t own a business here because they will eventually move away. Of course, they are Jewish!</p>
<p>A few days ago there were some questions about transportation to and from JMU. JMU is a very popular choice for kids from our high school in Maryland. They run buses every weekend to and from the Vienna metro station. That being said, most kids choose to bring a car if they can. The school has an extensive bus system, but the campus and surrounding area are pretty spread out, so it’s nice to have a car. </p>
<p>The students I know who attend JMU are generally very happy there. There’s some Jewish life on campus and they do sponsor birthright trips. This school seems to be a good fit for students who don’t get into UMCP that aren’t excited by Towson or Salisbury. It is more expensive than the in-state options, but less expensive than a private school. I’ve also noticed that the cost of living at JMU is much less expensive than at city schools. Most upperclassman move off-campus to very nice apartments that cost half of what I’ll be paying for my daughter’s off-campus apartment in Philadelphia.</p>