<p>Every pro-lgbtq person encourages coming out to close-minded parents eventually…but I’m not sure. I mean, it would hurt those parents so much? Isn’t it selfish to put one’s wants (love with someone of the same gender) ahead of their parents who love them?</p>
<p>*i am a queer person so please nobody yell at me</p>
<p>Your sexual orientation is not a “want.” It’s part of who you are. Therefore, no, it’s not selfish to be honest about who you are to the people who love you most.</p>
<p>what do you think? I don’t mean that question in a snarky way, but seriously. people encourage coming out because it’s supposed to help said child feel good. but if someone feels happier and more satisfied with not coming out, I would guess that there would be no question about them <em>having to</em> come out. it’s not an obligation</p>
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<p>No, wanting to be your true, authentic self rather than living a lie is NOT selfish.</p>
<p>I think it’s wrong to lie and or pretend to be something you are not to not hurt someone’s (very misguided feelings). I don’t like relationship (of any kind) based on pretending to be someone you are not. If a person or people can’t love you for who you are, that’s not a healthy relationship.</p>
<p>I don’t think coming out is selfish at all. I think parents truly not being accepting is selfish on the parents’ part. Your parents might be more accepting than you think and they might become more accepting even if they aren’t initially.</p>
<p>It’s a decision only you can make and nobody can know for you if it’s a good idea, but I think most people living their entire lives in the closet don’t end up being very happy. I don’t know how old you are, but sometimes it’s easier once you know you’re out of high school and no longer living with your parents, or out of college and no longer supported by your parents, or at a place where you have a really close support network of people that you know will be there for you even if your parents aren’t.</p>
<p>" I don’t know how old you are, but sometimes it’s easier once you know you’re out of high school and no longer living with your parents, or out of college and no longer supported by your parents, or at a place where you have a really close support network of people that you know will be there for you even if your parents aren’t."</p>
<p>Agreed. But understand this, on some level, your parents probably already know. Just make sure that you understand that they may be disappointed for reasons other than being closed minded (ie, wanting grandchildren, being afraid that you will be discriminated against). Hopefully after the initial shock, if there is any, they will still be able to show you that they love you.</p>
<p>someone’s orientation/gender identification does not define who they are. I’m not denying that people don’t feel that it’s a part of themselves, but there is much more to a person than that, just like there is much more to a “normal” person than them being “normal” (using the word normal, because I don’t know the proper terminology… straight and another word for people whose gender identification matches with sex, I believe).</p>
<p>I think for any homosexual person, coming out today is much more accepted than it was even 10 years ago. The tide of attitudes is changing. I speak from experience. I would place a bet on the fact that your parents already know. They may sit in bed at night and try to deny it for reasons already outlined in this thread, but the reality is parents are not as naive as you may think. </p>
<p>I have been the mom to 4 boys who lost their own mother at a very early age and I have been in the picture for a very long time. I am an extremely open minded person, but their father, my husband was not. He knew two of his four boys were gay. He even thought it would be a deal breaker for me when it came to marriage. Here is a news flash. The deal breaker for me was that he felt the way he did. It took many and let me stress many heart to heart talks with him to understand that in no way were our boys making a choice. It simply is who they are. Many years later and you will find our adult sons around our table with opposite sex partners and same sex partners. It does not matter to us. Does it pain us that these two boys, who have so much to give as a person might not ever be parents. Yes it does. But it is not way the same as being upset at who they are. I can only hope they will find a way to have a child in their life who they can share their love, talents and intellect with.</p>
<p>stressedout,</p>
<p>heterosexual and cisgender are the words you’re looking for</p>
<p>You need to be loved for who you are, even by your parents. Now, when you come out may a matter of personal choice.</p>
<p>You’re the only person who knows when its the right time to tell your parents. </p>
<p>Sure it may take them a little time to come to grips with it but trust them, they will surprise you. </p>
<p>If someone as far right as Dick Cheney can support his lesbian daughter I’m sure your parents can deal with your coming out.</p>
<p>Collegshopping— how lucky your boys were and are to have you as their mom, from birth or not.</p>
<p>@i<em>wanna</em>be_Brown will remember that :)</p>
<p>(In my experience, most of the time the parents already know.)</p>
<p>joszacem, Cheney was never known as far right. He was considered a moderate in the Reagan administration, but was considered a far right war hawk in the Bush administration because he felt helpless in preventing 9/11 and wanted to do anything to prevent another one in the future. I don’t think many people realized that what seemed far right obsession was actually not political, but a feeling of responsibility to never let the country be attacked again. I’ll bet that you have never heard him express any socially conservative views.</p>
<p>One’s political views generally have very little to do with how much they love and accept their children.</p>
<p>Is there any other circumstance where you would expect a child to misrepresent themselves and lie (even if only by omission) just to keep parents from being upset? Mom doesn’t like your major - do you lie to everyone about it? Dad doesn’t like that you’re left-handed, better not mention it!</p>
<p>Lots of things upset parents, lots of parents have disagreements with their children. Why do we single this out as the one that absolutely must be hidden?</p>
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<p>Yes. </p>
<p>But knowing something and being put into a position where you have to officially acknowledge it are two different things.</p>
<p>I have good reason to believe that my father was gay, and that this was the reason why his marriage to my mother eventually ended in divorce (after two children). But this was never openly discussed – not because my sister and I would have objected (we wouldn’t), but because my father would not have wanted to openly acknowledge this part of his life to us.</p>
<p>Sometimes people’s feelings about such things need to be respected. But it saddens me that if my father ever had a serious relationship after his divorce from my mother, I never had a chance to know anything about his partner. I would have liked to know anyone who was that important in my father’s life.</p>
<p>I think the same sort of thinking may apply to the OP. The OP is not obligated to come out. There’s a reason why it’s called a private life; you’re entitled to keep it private. But it could be sad if the OP gets involved in a serious relationship and the OP’s family never knows about it or meets the partner.</p>
<p>It’s a mark of your own sensitivity and maturity that you express such a concern about your parents’ feelings. It’s conceivable they could surprise you and be very supportive…it’s also conceivable that they could be like a family I know where the parents have constructed their own interpretation of their child’s relationship with her “roommate” and would never imagine any other scenario. If your parents can’t support you emotionally, I hope you can build a network of other people who can.</p>
<p>there are many kids who don’t tell their parents for fear of being thrown out of the house, streets are filled with those poor kids whose parents are real jerks and tossed their kids out</p>
<p>so for me, its a matter of self preservation, if you have to fake it to make it, then do that to keep a roof over your head and to be safe, if your parents are the kind who will toss you out</p>
<p>sadly for some hiding is a matter of getting through till they can be on their own</p>
<p>very often one parent know, the mom, and is fine and hopefully, both parents are grownup enough, and caring enough to embrace their child, but too often, its not so great</p>
<p>as for selfish, our kids often don’t follow the so called path we may think is best, but we get over it pretty quickly if our kid is happy, safe, and loved</p>