Coming to Terms with Early Decision Regret

Applying to College
1

Let me preface this by saying that my situation may be seen as some by not much of a situation at all. While I am aware that it sounds pretentious, it has been bothering me deeply for over a month now and I’m not quite sure how to deal with it. Please bear with me; I am in serious need of some constructive guidance.

Flashback to last November: I was choosing where to apply early. The decision came down to either Harvard or Dartmouth. In retrospect, Harvard was by far the better option; I had a double legacy, loved Cambridge, loved the Harvard culture, and would still have been able to apply elsewhere regardless of whether or not I got in, not to mention the obvious prestige factor that comes along with the crimson. However, I ultimately applied early decision to Dartmouth because I thought I liked it better.

Looking back on it now, I’ve come to realize that the true reason I applied to Dartmouth was because I believed that getting into Harvard was impossible, regardless of any hooks I might have had. I had the stats, and the extracurriculars, and the recs, but I was still too anxious to take that path. Lo and behold, I was accepted into Dartmouth with good aid. Thus, my alma mater was set. Now, I wholeheartedly regret the decision. Perhaps it is my anxiety talking, not based in any sort of truth, but all of my feelings are derived from what I feel are legitimate grievances.

I don’t think I really fit Dartmouth all that well; initially, I had heard about its strong sense of community and friendly atmosphere (two attributes which I found attractive), but now that I’ve done more digging I feel uncomfortable about its pervasive Greek culture and its small size. In addition, I dislike living in small, remote towns. I love Harvard’s culture, location, and legacy, all things I’ve been familiar with for my entire life due to my parents.

In addition, while I understand that prestige is a poor reason to make a decision, it is in my experience undeniable that Harvard has a much bigger reputation than Dartmouth. Everyone I’ve talked to, every internet source I find, every forum thread, seems to affirm this. Dartmouth seems to be viewed by most as one of the “lower ivies,” not demanding the same respect as the others. It doesn’t help that everyone I know (no exaggeration) was expecting me to apply to Harvard. My small, impoverished school almost never sends anyone to a place even close to that good, and to have someone with the potential to get there created district-wide hype. Now, whenever I tell my teachers or friends where I’m going, they get confused. And disappointed. None of them have even heard of Dartmouth. It stings, every time. It doesn’t help that my best friend got into Yale early; I feel like a huge disappointment to everyone I know.

I’m aware that people in high places are familiar with Dartmouth as they would be with any ivy, but even then, everyone on planet Earth seems to know Harvard. I suppose that maybe the problem I have to solve first is getting over prestige, but that’s damn difficult for me, especially given the family history…

There is certainly no guarantee that I would have gotten into Harvard; no one can say that. But given the strength of application and my double legacy, I feel that I certainly had as good a shot as anyone, and even if it didn’t work out then I would still get to apply anywhere I wanted. Now, I’m locked into a school that I don’t feel comfortable with, and I’m not sure how to cope with it. It wouldn’t bother me nearly as much if I didn’t have the aforementioned legacy status, but (forgive me for sounding cocky) since I have it, I feel like I threw away a golden ticket. I don’t know how to deal with the fact that I think I made a huge mistake, and I have only myself to blame.

Has anyone had a similar experience, and/or have any advice to share? Thanks in advance, it mean a lot to me.

2

Aww I really feel for you.
Having said that,Darthmouth being smaller may provide a much better undergraduate experience. Not knowing what your major is you could aim to go to grad school at Harvard!
That would be even better than undergraduate at Harvard.
If you really are unhappy at Darthmouth when you do get there, transfer is always a rare possibility.
Either way you are a getting a stellar Ivy League education.
To be honest some people don’t want to go to Harvard just like you did not initially and do not regret it.

3

Alternatively, you could have been rejected from Harvard and be like so many of the students on this site who currently have no acceptances or acceptances without enough aid to make them affordable. You have an acceptance to an amazing school and it sounds like you have sufficient aid to attend. Quit looking in your rearview mirror. Go spend some time on Dartmouth’s website and find things about the school to love.

4

Hey man, I am in a similar situation as you, as I was also accepted ED to Dartmouth this year, and I feel some regret in not applying to my first choice due to anxiety and fear. However, I am trying to look forward now and hope for the best at Dartmouth. I still believe it is a wonderful institution and that we will receive an amazing education. Hope to see you around.

How is Dartmouth a “lower ivy?” I understand that it is not HYP, but I feel that it is around the same in prestige as Penn and Brown.

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"Please accept my resignation. I don’t want to belong to a club that would have me as a member.” -Groucho Marx

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There are no guarantees in life and certainly none in Ivy leauge admissions. You made a decision to avoid risk so deal with it. Don’t focus on what would others think, impressing other people isn’t a productive life goal.

You are getting a chance to go to one of the top schools on this planet for free. Most people would gladly give their first born to be in your shoes. Be grateful and count your blessings. You made it.

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Oh, come on. This is like a billionaire’s daughter fretting because the Lamborghini she got at her Sweet 16 party is the wrong shade of pink. Go to Hanover. Thrive in one of the world’s best undergrad experiences. You have the rest of your life to live in big cities.

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@xDFFmp3. In general I would say Dartmouth is considered a “lower” Ivy along with Brown and Cornell. Of course at this level the distinctions are small but they are there ( look at all the domestic and intl rankings, cross admit data, yield rates etc).

Penn and Columbia are more like the middle ivies. They have in general stronger programs than Dartmouth, Brown ,Cornell and therefore end up quite higher in most domestic and international rankings. Also more cross admits tend to choose them more over DBC and they have considerably higher yield rates than DBC. Of course both Columbia and Penn lack the prestige of HYPS.

I think especially Brown and Dartmouth suffer from the fact they do not have very strong grad schools and research output, because this is what mainly provides international standing and recognition to a university.

@realfrosty so I get what you are saying about the difference in prestige. On the upside remember that you are going to have very comparable opportunities at Dartmouth that you would have had at Harvard and probably a better quality of undergraduate education and also probably a better social life. You are not missing out on any practical benefits by attending Dartmouth vs Harvard. You are just missing out on the bragging rights. The fact that you think you might not fit in there is a bit worrying but you won’t really know until you get there. You have to approach it with an open mind.

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(OP only said, “good aid,” not full ride.)

This is classic buyer’s remorse. But to frame it as H has some better rankings in some puffed up media review is silly. And, that “no one” in your impoverished hs or who-knows-what sort of community has, " even heard of Dartmouth."

Don’t your H alum parents know D?

What you get out of college is much more than some rankings. Think.

Yes, it sounds cocky. And poorly informed. And no one with real savvy is fussing over “OMG!!, I got into a tippy top and it’s not H or Y!!”

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I mean if you hate it so much, there is always the option to transfer out/ grad school/ visiting student, and so many other options. If you are going to do a grad degree, no one will care about your undergrad.

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The term “lower ivies” has to be stricken from your vocabulary. Stay off internet sites that talk about the merits of different ivies. They are probably full of high school students who really don’t anything anyway. I am very familiar with the Ivy League. I went to one, have recruited at several, and work in an industry that is full of ivy grads. I can assure you that no one will look down on you because you went to Dartmouth instead of Harvard. Dartmouth is a great place to go to school. It’s time to start looking forward, not back.

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It’s not where you go to college but how you go to college that matters most. This is generally true and certainly true within the Ivy League. As you mature fully into adulthood, you will care less what people think. I live in a neighborhood with a couple of people who went to Ivies and a couple who went to directional state in the south schools. Probably the wealthiest family is so because of the family breadwinner who went to one of the directionals. If someone came to a neighborhood get-together and tried to guess which was which, I doubt they would do very well.

You’ll meet amazing people at Dartmouth (and would at many, many other universities, all of them actually). You will have amazing classes and professors. You will have access to travel and study opportunities all over the world. Embrace all of that and help people who are not as fortunate. You will have a wonderful life. Good luck to you.

13

Unbelievable…

Lower Ivy? Goldman Sachs is full of Dartmouth alum. And Goldman’s alum end up running the country.

Stop feeling sorry for yourself. Consider this a kick in the pants.

14

OP, stop putting your power in others and your perceptions of what they think. You didn’t apply to H because you were afraid of what they would think and would not accept you. Now that someone has accepted you, they are not good enough for you. Don’t create a self fulfilling prophecy of an endless cycle of how nothing will ever work out for you because you are so worried about what others will think or your perceptions of what they “all” think.
How Dartmouth turns out is up to you and how you chose to make it. It is that simple. Forget how you feel. Chose your thinking and your feeling will follow.

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Your feelings are normal. I say enroll in Dartmouth and give it a shot. I am sure you will grow to love it. it is a great school.

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Harvard acceptees can feel buyer’s remorse as well. When then candidate, now Massachusetts governor, Charlie Baker was asked by the Boston Globe to take the Proust Questionnaire, he responded as follows:

Q: What is your greatest regret?

A: Not going to Hamilton College. I never really felt comfortable at Harvard.

https://www.bostonglobe.com/metro/2014/10/15/charlie-baker-takes-proust-questionnaire/p2B2GsYFIUnYnVLsZCiX3I/story.html

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I don’t mean to invade OP’s privacy but why would one attend an impoverished school and get financial aid when he is a double Legacy at Harvard? One would assume going to Harvard makes parents at least affluent if not wealthy by the time their kids start college.

18

Sorry for the rant, but for me, this really demonstrates the cavalier attitude many applicants have when they apply ED.

You should only apply ED if you have done your research and are sure that if accepted (and can afford it), you will go. Did you not visit and see how remote it was? Did you not understand that it was of lesser prestige than Harvard? Did you not research it enough to know the importance of Greek Life, BEFORE you, your parents, and your counselor signed a binding contract? All of your complaints are about things that could have been easily addressed before jumping into ED.

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ED should be reserved for a school one can easily afford and would be happy to attend. Anyways, OP doesn’t have an acceptance from Harvard so this is just much a do about nothing. If not an ED at Dartmouth, he could be looking at lower ranked schools.

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Think of it this way. If you applied EA to Harvard, and as you said, mostly likely you would be rejected/deferred. And now you are waiting to hear from Dartmouth and other schools. Given the nature of the regular round, your chances at Dartmouth are much diminished compared to the ED. You might very well end up being shut out of ivy league.