My kid (baseball) committed in the fall to a D3. We did the preread and they did not guarantee merit but said they would look again when he applied. He liked the school and team so he committed. He applied EA, got in, but received no merit. We have submitted reconsideration requests to no avail.
As a back up he applied to another school in the same state RD. He had an offer there but turned it down when he committed. Just found out he got in with a large merit award.
The difference in cost between the schools is north of $120k over four years and the second school may be a better fit academically (upon more reflection on what kid may want to do).
I KNOW we should have thought of all this before we committed (please spare me the lectures - I get it). But we are struggling now with the reality of the massive cost difference. Since I know decommitting is terrible, is the group’s advice to suck it up and go to the more expensive school? Is there any way to handle this ethically other than to just go?
You can 100% decommit - with D3 and no money and no National Letter of Intent - it is fine. I would suggest your child write the coach directly and let him know that his parents have been working with the financial office and the FA office is unable to offer him any funds. It is important to be honest and thankful for the opportunity, but his parents are not comfortable with the total cost.
There’s nothing terrible about decommitting if the fit isn’t right. Yes, due diligence is important but it sounds like you mostly did that. If you’ve worked with this school and let them know the situation to no avail, I’d let the coach know it’s a tough decision and then move on with no regrets.
If the schools are in the same state, also remember that these coaches likely know each other. Coach #2 may have even come across this situation before if School #1 tends to “over promise and underdeliver” when it comes to merit for committed athletes.
Just to be clear…does he want to play baseball at school 2? If yes, he should contact that coach before decommitting at school 1, just to make sure he could still be on the team.
Has school one gave you their full financial award package yet? Did you fill out FAFSA and is it possible they may come back with aid? Could you come back to them with what school two gave you in merit to see if they would match?
It does sound like school two might be the better choice if school one would be that much more.
There is really no other hope of aid at school 1. We have run that down very thoroughly.
I am very aware that the coaches likely know each other as the schools are in the same conference and play each other regularly.
Our current plan is to go to admitted students weekends at both schools. If kid could be happy at school 2 after that visit, then he will contact coach at school 2 to ask about possibility of still playing. We are also well aware that the answer might be “nope” or at least no guarantees.
If he can’t play at school 2, he will almost certainly still go to school 1 because he very much wants to play so we want to handle this very carefully.
This is a good plan. One thing I’d be very careful about is the wording of my inquiry for School/Team 2. It’s not so much “can I walk on the team” but rather “what are your needs at my position” and/or “does your current roster allow for me to have real playing time”? If playing is as important as you say, clarifying that he’ll be able to really play (the same way he would have if had committed to Team 2 in the first place) is the critical question.
I think the process is really manipulative and you can decommit without feeling terrible. everyone is just doing the best they can, you should not make a 120k sacrifice because of honest mistake. Schools FORCE families into tough – and premature - decisions!!
Just withdraw if you want, it’s not like early decision with a contract (even then . . . ), there are some schools we thought about committing to just b/c of housing opportunities with the idea that we might change our minds later. We would not send a deposit to two schools at the same time, but we would certainly tell school 1 never mind (hope to get our deposit back) and then commit to school 2.
Decommit. Tell them the financials don’t work for your family, wish them well, and move on. Mismatches happen all the time in recruiting. It’s just part of the process.
Can you afford school 1? Yes, $120K is a lot of coin but most everyone goes to a school where - they could have gone to another school for even less.
Assuming the answer to #1 is yes, then the question is - at least if you give up the team spot now - is that $120K you’d save worth it to you if it eliminates the baseball option?
If the answer is Yes to #1 - we can afford and Yes to #2, but we’d like to save $120K baseball or not, then I say decommit so the coach can replace you.
If the answer is Yes to #1 - we can afford but no to #2 - I’d rather play baseball than get the $120K back, then I think you need to start talking to coach #2 to see if there’s a spot for you but not give up your spot on team #1.
If you are leaving regardless (i.e. $120K is just too much to leave on the table - whether you can afford school 1 or not - why not step up and tell the coach now?? He’d likely appreciate it more now than in a month or two.
That’s a lot of money. I’m sure these guys totally understand.
It sounds like you have a well considered plan, and I can certainly understand why you would be thinking this through so carefully–$120K is a lot to walk away from!
I wanted to share a perspective that our daughter’s club coach gave to all his athletes when they were in the midst of the college application process. My daughter, who is now a second year in college, swam at the high school and club level, and she absolutely would only consider colleges where she could swim. Her club coach, who has been working with high school athletes for over 25 years, advised her to put her sport second and academics first. His reason being that one never knows what will happen in college and there are no guarantees that an athletic recruit will play their sport for all four years. The student athlete could get injured, get cut from the team, become disillusioned, etc, so they should choose the best academic fit because that is why they are there in the first place.
You mentioned that School 2 was likely a better fit for your son academically, so this is something I suggest you weigh heavily in the larger picture. Hopefully, the coach at School 2 will be happy to offer your son a spot on the team where he can be a true contributor. If this is the case, then there is nothing to stop you from making the switch. Your son applied EA, so there is no contractual commitment, and I’m sure the coach at School 1 has dealt with this sort of thing in the past. He will understand.
While my daughter’s college application process was not seamless, she ended up being one of the lucky ones–she found a college where she is a contributor on the swim team, and the academics have been a perfect fit. She could not be happier. My hope is that the same can be said for your son over the next four years!
Things are so different now with decommits and transfers happening ALL THE TIME. I think that now, even if he had committed D1 and signed an NIL, he could still do a transfer and still play the first year (there are so many new rules I can’t keep up). Even 10 years ago, I knew quite a few kids who decommitted and there were no hard feelings with the kids or coaches. I also know kids who went to schools and decided not to play, and others who lasted a semester or less and transferred because the schools/teams just weren’t right. In those cases I think the coaches would have preferred to know in March that it wasn’t going to work out.
As stated above, be honest with both coaches. If coach #2 is aware he already committed to Coach #1, just explain that the financials didn’t work out and that caused your family to reexamine the schools and he’s even found that academically school 2 is a better fit. Coaches know they are dealing with 18 year olds (or younger) and these decisions are hard.
Give yourself and your son a little grace. Things move so fast in recruiting, and then the money, and now FAFSA issues and no one knows what the money looks like. My daughter committed and signed an NLI in Nov., but she knew that if the money didn’t come through in February (on the old FAFSA system where you didn’t file until Jan), she couldn’t go to that school. There was a glitch, we fixed it, but if we couldn’t have done that she couldn’t have gone there. She was willing to take a gap year. $120k is a lot of money, especially if there is another option that is just as good or better.
Agree 100%.
In the end, at least IMO and our family, the school has to be the right fit for you and kid without the sports, including financially if that is a consideration or factor in evaluating different schools. I don’t believe in being deliberately misleading or dishonest, however you have to think what is best on your end and I would not feel bad decommitting if it is not the right fit.
Do not feel bad about reconsidering when the financial aid gap is $120k. That’s a tremendous amount of money. If the FA delta was $12k you might want to consider a moral quandary, but at $30k per year I pronounce you free to make new choices.
But I would get a line on the baseball at school #2 before moving away from #1 completely. After turning down #2 that money and opening might not still be there, so clarify you have a landing spot before quitting #1.
