<p>Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences</p>
<p>I looked up and stared into the eye of my opponents trying to predict his moves and his ideas. Then I looked down at the black and white vinyl battlefield covered with pawns, queens and kings. The adrenaline rush when your opponent makes a move is ineffable. After an hour of silent formulating strategies, the terrain is filled with fallen soldiers used as scarified in order to ensure victory. I glanced at the board once more, and proceed with my final move. Checkmate!</p>
<p>Over the years I did not just learn the game of chess but I learn lessons about the game of life. When I strategize, I learned to be patience and flexible; seizing unexpected opportunities; using my previous experience to develop a thorough plans. Lastly, I learn to cope with my situation and decide when to continue battling or when its reasonable to admit defeat and move on. Chess has played an important role in strengthening my relationship with my father, who was my first mentor.</p>
<p>I doubt you are still seeking feedback, but I would just like to point out that that is NOT how you use semi-colons.</p>
<p>change: I looked up, staring into the eyes of my opponent and trying to </p>
<p>this sentence is strange: The adrenaline rush when your opponent makes a move is ineffable.
The beginning is past tense and then you switch to present. Maybe say something like “Adrenaline rushed throughout my body, waiting for my opponent to make his move.”
Apply similar change to the sentence directly following (also in present…)</p>
<p>“silent formulating strategies” sounds a bit strange. It also makes it seem as though your opponent is the one doing that. But I think you mean that you are both silently strategizing and making moves? You don’t actually mention that anyone moved any pieces. </p>
<p>This is a really good piece:)
Despite my previous commentary, I think it actually might be even better if you changed it all to present tense.
i.e. “I look up, staring into the eye of my opponent…adrenaline rushes through my body…”
I think this way it makes it seem more in-the-moment if you know what I mean. More intense. Just a suggestion.</p>
<p>The way you analyze in the end is good. The last sentence seems really out of place though… maybe delete it. Also it seems kind of general, like it can be applied to anyone. Include a specific example outside of chess in which you applied this mindset. </p>
<p>Goodluck! I can check again later. Just PM me or something</p>