<p>Why do people have to be so condescending towards those who are going to lower ranked schools? I’ve been having this huge issue at my school. For example, a girl I know is going to attend the University of Pennsylvania; I am actually going to attend Penn State-Main Campus. But anyways, this girl is very condescending about the school i’m going to, always subtly insulting my school or just looking down upon me because I go to “Penn State.” This isn’t just with me; i’ve noticed it happens to others, too. One of my best friends is going to UT-Austin and the valedictorian, who is going to Georgetown is so mean to her for no reason. Ever since some people got into these prestigious schools, they have been acting like they are gods! It makes me feel like I’m worth nothing. However, I do know some “smart” people who are going to top schools who are very friendly as well. I just don’t get certain people and why they have to bash on those who are attending lower ranked schools; it’s not like Penn State and UT-Austin are “jokes” like they say they are. Honestly, I’m surprised what the admissions saw in those pretentious students. Sorry this was more of a rant…heat of the moment kind of thing. Anyway, why do people think rankings are everything? Some programs at a school can be better than one at another “top” school. Rankings seriously brainwash society.</p>
<p>A guy we met who owns & runs a landscaping business says that he doesn’t care where his workers attended and/or graduated. He’s only interested in how well and hard they work. Not clear if he even went to college, but he says he hires HS grads from the elite as well as public schools as well as some college grads. It amuses him that those who were above him are now his employees.</p>
<p>I’ve always found folks who have to put others down tend to have insecurities and are really worried about how they are perceived. Those I know in life who have had the greatest successes do NOT have to boost themselves by putting others down. They have sufficient self-confidence to be happy & proud of what they’re doing and appreciate what others are doing as well. They are less concerned about rank, names & status than quality, which is more enduring.</p>
<p>All you can do is practice selective blindness/deafness & do great at your U so that you will have all the opportunities you have worked for and richly deserve. At the end of the day, we all have to get the education we need for our jobs & futures, + a lot of work to have rewarding, evolving careers. An attitude really hinders your growth along the way & is a great way to make folks dislike you, as you’ve already discovered. Who knows? Down the road, you may be in the grad school of your dreams while they have dropped out to sell used cars or something? Do your best & don’t allow anyone to put you down!</p>
<p>I agree with HImom that people who put down others are actually really insecure inside. It’s as if they don’t feel good about themselves, so they think by name dropping a school they are going to or a celebrity they have met or a rich person they are friends with they will be building up themselves. I once read a study of CEOs of major companies, and the majority of them did not attend schools that were high up on the rankings list.</p>
<p>A bit of life experiences teaches some people that it’s what you do with your opportunities that counts, not where you have them. I agree with others about insecurity causing people to behave this way. Since there will always be people like this, the remedy I have found for it lies within me. I am clear about what I am doing and why. It inoculates you against a lot of nonsense. As you see already, there is no need to buy into irrelevant “yardsticks” that others use. All the best at college.</p>
<p>Frankly, this impulse never stops with some people. When you get to college, you will find that some people are obsessed with “ranking” fraternities and scorning those who belong to houses that aren’t “good enough” for some ridiculous reason. Later it may be “secret societies.” Later it will be which country club they belong to, or which parties they are invited to, or which labels they wear or cars they drive. If people wish to live their lives that way, there is always some artificial construct they can buy into.</p>
<p>Luckily, you have perceived at an early age that some do and some don’t, and you don’t buy into it. All you can do is go your own way, and ignore the status mongers.</p>
<p>Have a great time in college!</p>
<p>My kids noticed that there are also plenty of students who treat those who got into top-ranked colleges very poorly. Along the lines of, “S/he only got in because of (insert something trivial here),” or “You think you are so much better than us because you got into X college,” or “Why do you want to go to X college - I know many people who hate it there,” etc.</p>
<p>They’ll all get over it. This is high school. Give that valedictorian a few weeks at Georgetown where no one is impressed by anything she’s done. Yes, there are jerks everywhere, but it really does get better when everyone grows up a little.</p>
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<p>This definitely went on at our son’s high school. It came from parents as well as students. I don’t know how many parents told me they wouldn’t ever consider sending THEIR kid to such-and-such school because of how awful they heard it was . . .</p>
<p>SewHappy: “This definitely went on at our son’s high school. It came from parents as well as students.”</p>
<p>Same here. Which is why I’m kind of dreading graduation. Some of the women specialize in the carefully calibrated response to the name of your child’s college choice: “oh – was that her first choice?” or “did she apply anywhere else?” Or even worse – the seemingly sympathetic but condescending: “it was a tough year.” </p>
<p>When I hear a kid or parent say that their child is going to XYZ school, I always smile and congratulate them. </p>
<p>And yes, this is a personality trait some people carry with them forever.</p>
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<p>I absolutely believe you consolation but I can’t remember the last time I encountered such a person. Maybe I’m just out of touch, lol. But I find it so sad so I wanted to write something reassuring that went like this: “don’t worry, this is soooo highschool…it will end once people move on”. And I guess I’m wrong. But on the other hand, I can’t think of anyone I’ve met since HS like this. Yet, I know what you mean (I see it and hear about it second hand such as your post or in popular culture). </p>
<p>So on a more optimistic note, I just want to say to the OP, you don’t have to keep running into this the rest of your life. There are obviously people out there like that but you can find places to live, work, exist where really truly no one cares about the car you drive, the labels you wear, how big your house is, or which school you went to. Maybe it means living in a particular region, or avoiding gated communities with country clubs (?), or just living out and about and around the world and getting outside of a petty little social bubble.</p>
<p>You can always say to someone when they tell you their college choice:</p>
<p>“How exciting.”
“That’s great.”
“That’s terrific news.”
“You are going to have a wonderful time there.”</p>
<p>Snotty, critical people are drying up from the inside out. Think how unpleasant it must be to be such a sourpuss.</p>
<p>starbright, one encounters very little of it in Maine. One of the reasons we’ve stayed here. :)</p>
<p><<frankly, this=“” impulse=“” never=“” stops=“” with=“” some=“” people.=“” when=“” you=“” get=“” to=“” college,=“” will=“” find=“” that=“” people=“” are=“” obsessed=“” “ranking”=“” fraternities=“” and=“” scorning=“” those=“” who=“” belong=“” houses=“” aren’t=“” “good=”" enough"=“” for=“” ridiculous=“” reason.=“” later=“” it=“” may=“” be=“” “secret=”" societies.“=”" which=“” country=“” club=“” they=“” to,=“” or=“” parties=“” invited=“” labels=“” wear=“” cars=“” drive.=“”>></frankly,></p>
<p>I was at a coffee this morning and someone told me she lived in the “real” Gray’s Woods, as opposed to the newer part of the subdivision, where the homes are slightly less mansion-esque.</p>
<p>OP: I know how you feel about condescending people because I feel the same way. Nonetheless, I have learned with time to pity them a bit. They have to be condescending because they are insecure and so uncomfortable in their own skin that they have to talk about what school they go to, or what car they drive, etc to get some self esteem. I might be wrong, but it bothers me less after I came to that conclusion.</p>
<p>You sound like a great person, and not because of the school you will attend, but because of what is inside of you: your ideas, feelings, etc. Penn State will be awesome for you, you’ll learn a lot, meet great people, and in 5 years you won’t even remember the girl going to Penn.</p>
<p>There will ALWAYS be people who try to undermine and sabbotague. Each of us has the keys within us to allow or NOT allow this to happen. If we are confident about ourselves and our choices, we take away the power of others to dampen this and maintain control ourselves. This will be important all our lives.</p>
<p>I have noticed that people in the non-profit world TEND to be less interested in status and more in making the world & the community they live in a better place. This has been true when I was in college and now that I have returned to the non-profit world after being in other arenas for decades.</p>
<p>You can always find many who do not judge/pre-judge others by brands, labels, status. You can also find those who do. Much depends on what you are looking for. It is tough when folks feel that they have to hide the school they attended for danger of being snubbed because the school was “too good” or “not good enough.” As has been posted, it can go either way, unfortunately.</p>
<p>We saw this too with several classmates of our sons, and than they went off to their top colleges and gained alot of humility. There is still one friend that thinks he is superior to others who have attended different schools but unfortunately he has social issues which has made it difficult for him to realize that he sounds like a pompous fool. </p>
<p>As for your feeling like they are looking down on you…just go forward and worry about your own academic carreer and make the most out of all your school has to offer. Penn State is a very exciting place! Unfortunately many kids who attend these prestigious schools with that attitude, have problems that you would not want in a million years.</p>
<p>I re-read the OP and would like to offer one possible explanation for what she is finding to be condescending behavior. Some of the kids heading off to the super elite schools may be feeling some strange emotions right now. First, now that they have the big prize in hand, they may be feeling a little let down, actually, as they realize that rather than an end zone their college admission is just the beginning of really having to prove themselves. Some may actually feel a twinge of envy for their peers going off to schools that did not cost quite so much in terms of effort and sacrifice to get into. Some may be a little angry about missing some of the fun of high school in order to win their prize. Second, some of these kids going to the top schools that may be acting out in rude ways right now might also be a little freaked out as it dawns on them that they will soon be in a school where virtually all the students are just like them – smart and extremely hardworking. They might be a little scared.</p>
<p>Some people are rude and condescending throughout their lives. And some people act that way when they are a sad or scared but don’t feel as if it’s legitimate to feel that way. After all, who do you tell that you’re maybe not so thrilled to be going to a super elite school? Maybe there was a lot of parental pressure placed on them.</p>
<p>A classmate of my DDs was so status conscious that emails (when in college) sent to the group of kids were sent to the school email address of anyone attending a prestigious school (<a href=“mailto:joe@harvard.edu”>joe@harvard.edu</a>, <a href=“mailto:mary@stanford.edu”>mary@stanford.edu</a>, etc) but to the hotmail or other freebie address of anyone attending a school which he did not deem worthy. DD forwarded me one so I could see it.</p>
<p>Sad, but very in keeping with his lifestyle.</p>
<p>I think you need to cut these kids a little slack. They have every right to be happy and proud of their achievements, but they know that others may feel a little envious or piqued or are just watching to see how they’re acting. They’re walking a fine line. I have one son who attended an ivy and never wears clothing with his school’s name off-campus; I imagine he is not alone in this.</p>
<p>Also keep in mind that comments may not have been intended to be condescending at all. Oftentimes it is the receiver who wrongly interprets things that are said.</p>
<p>I imagine it is awkward for both types of students to feel like they are saying the right thing to each other when it comes to college acceptances.</p>