<p>Thank goodness there is not a lot of that at my kids’ school. I think that it is because we are in a district that the FAFSA people consider “rich” but really are far from it. No need based aid, but most of us sure don’t make enough money to spend $50,000 per year per kid on college. Thus, I think most of us know that the kids are going to the best college that they could get into that their parents could afford. I would say that the majority of college decisions had a large financial component.</p>
<p>This is why I always try to assume positive intent. It’s very difficult to say “Yes, I got into Harvard” without seeming condescending. They are probably very self-conscious about it. If they really are being condescending, it could be for a few reasons:</p>
<ol>
<li>They’re just that kind of person.</li>
<li>They’re scared/insecure…they could know that they’re going somewhere where they won’t be the big fish anymore.</li>
<li>This is more on a subconscious level. If these are good friends especially, they know that they won’t see people anymore, and they try to create some distance so that they don’t miss you quite as much once they leave. This happens A LOT, especially over the summer of senior year, both with friends and family.</li>
</ol>
<p>I just wouldn’t worry about it. Granted, where I’m from, it’s common to go to State schools so I didn’t encounter a lot of this. But you just have to remember that you’re doing what makes YOU happy, and that’s all that matters. </p>
<p>If you really don’t want to talk about it, you don’t have to. You can always tell people “Yes, I got into a great school and I’m very happy with my decision.”</p>
<p>And if all else fails, turn the conversation back on them. “Where are YOU going?” People love talking about themselves.</p>
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<p>I’m with you, HGFM. I wonder if some people are very sensitive and perceive slights when none were intended. It’s very difficult to say “Yes, I got into Harvard” without seeming TO THEM to be condescending. But if a kid is going to Harvard, it is just a fact–why can’t he or she just say it without people making all sorts of assumptions, often based on their own insecurities?</p>
<p>The OP said this “condescending” student is insulting the school she got into (Penn State). I personally think that is very different from saying: “I got into Harvard.” Which is fine in my book. No need, however, to insult someone else’s school.</p>
<p>Many students who perceive themselves as going to a lesser college, will say, “I’m JUST going to (fill in the blank).” </p>
<p>Higher education is such an opportunity no matter where you go!
Keep your head up and do great things!</p>
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<p>Agreed! But OP said that this condenscending was “subtle.” I hope it’s not like Woody Allen in Annie Hall.</p>
<p>ellemenope: That’s a fair point, thanks for pointing it out. </p>
<p>I just wanted to point out that I think there’s nothing wrong with saying you got into Harvard, or Penn, or whatever. But there is no need to insult the achievements of others. Particularly when a kid might attend a less selective school for financial reasons, not because she/he couldn’t go to a more selective place.</p>
<p>OP – there are probably a number of different things going on here. There is often an issue between Penn and PSU for a lot of Penn students; Penn is perpetually being confused with PSU and some Penn students go out of their way to tell anyone and everyone how highly ranked/difficult their school is. Also, as one of the posters here said, it may be occurring to the Penn admit that there are downsides to the admission – it is going to be a matter of totally starting over in a group where she likely will not stand out and paying a lot of money/taking out lots of loans for this; thus, she may feel the need to justify her decision even when she isn’t being questioned in order to make herself feel like she is SO much better off.</p>
<p>Unlike the other posters, I don’t think this is a lifelong issue. While some people who get into elite schools brag about it while they are in college (esp. when talking to hometown residents), by the time they hit the working world they realize that while the degree may open some doors, it isn’t a constant topic of conversation in the real world. People rarely talk about college and when they do it’s about social experiences/study abroad/friends, not about the ranking of the school. Also, once they start working most will meet a person or two that they really look up to professionally/personally who happened to go to an unknown school and will realize that what everyone has been saying is right – going to an ivy isn’t everything.</p>
<p>But I will agree with posters who say that people are also condescending to students who get into the top schools. If you’re not impressed with where they got in or their decision to attend, you don’t need to say anything at all; however, many students and their parents do say things like ‘I could have gotten in too if my older bro went there/if I was legacy/an athlete’ or ‘why would you spend $x to go there, it’s a waste’ etc.</p>
<p>I always assume that when top admits brag, it’s about their own need to justify how great they are, and when those who can’t get in criticize, it is to justify how they didn’t want that school anyway.</p>
<p>I taught at a prep school one year where most of my fellow teachers were Ivy educated. One day in class a middle school student asked me where I went to college, and I responded, “The School Of Hard Knocks.” A few weeks passed and then the same student told me he asked his father if he knew anything about the School Of Hard Knocks. His father told him that my college choice meant something like i was either very poor or not very bright. </p>
<p>I respect others who are proud to have gotten their educations like I did. </p>
<p>Ironically one of the worst high school teachers that I had ever had was teaching in this very same elite school.</p>
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<p>That is a decision you are making. </p>
<p>Stop and ask yourself why you are allowing this person’s opinion to mean so much to you. This is a mean-spirited, insecure individual; their opinion of you is their business and should be given no notice by you.</p>
<p>The lesson I am taking from all our posts is this: There are kind, tactful people in this world, who take sincere interest in everyone and attempt to encourage others. And there are snooty, tactless, unkind people who thinks it elevates them to belittle others.</p>
<p>And which kind of person you are isn’t determined by how selective your college was or how selective your child’s college is. It is determined by something much more intrinsic–your character and personality.</p>
<p>My friends from college, who are the godparents of our children, threw a graduation party for our daughter, who attended a well-regarded all-girls Catholic high school that draws students from all over the city and from various backgrounds. When she was introduced to my daughter’s friends my friend invariably asked ‘What are your plans?’ and followed up with something very complimentary. I wondered about this, because I knew they were all going to college, but then I decided that it was marvelous, pretty much exactly the right approach, much more sensitive, kind, and polite than asking what college they were going to attend.</p>
<p>^what a great way to inquire about what the next year may bring! </p>
<p>It reminds me of suggestions for avoiding the deadly cocktail party question “what you do for a living”? Instead, you ask “what are you doing that excites you?” It elicites a real array of responses and people feel like you are genuinely interested in hearing their answer.</p>
<p>Thanks for all the answers, guys. To clarify some things, this wasn’t a situation where the student says, “I got into Harvard,” or something along the lines of that. These students were clearly critisizing the schools. For example, when my friend, who goes to UT, was talking about the program she was getting into, Penn girl gave a smirk and said, “It’s a public school. The programs there are not that good.” And when anyone else, other than other ivy league or “top” schools, says something about their school, she would literally roll her eyes and give a very fake smile. She didn’t even used to be like this until this year. It’s just sad what happened to certain people. But I definitely agree with how there are those who diss on the students who get into the top schools, but this was definitely not that situation.</p>
<p>She is a classless loser. Who cares what she thinks?</p>
<p>I think it is very hard to be a kid these days. it is so stressful and competative. My D goes to a prep school and is a top student. However she wants to be a nurse, and that already has met with some eyebrow raising,“not a doctor?” The schools she will be applying to are not the elite, as most nursing programs are not in elite schools. There are a few exceptions of course. Sge gas been fine so far.
This only lasts through the grad parties then no one cares. Now you know who NOT to keep in touch with.</p>
<p>I have many great friends who are exceptional nurses, have great job satisfaction & quality of life. Congrats to your D. Our friend’s S wants to be a nurse & will be applying to nursing schools after spending a few semesters in college & CC taking courses & learning that business really isn’t his bag. There are never enough great folks in the healthcare profession & I’m sure your D will be a tremendous addition!</p>
<p>I have a friend from HS who became a nurse. Eventually, she was persuaded by nurses & docs to become a doc, so she became one & knows both sides quite well. My staff consists of RNs and Respiratory Therapists & I think they are GREAT!!</p>
<p>Since my very bright son will be attending UT-Austin, I’ll weigh in here. Most of the time, high school students have no idea about what they are talking. Sorry to be blunt, but that’s the truth. Part of the reason I participate in a very limited fashion on these forums is because I don’t feel qualified to offer advice. So…why would anyone take seriously anything an 18 year old kid has to say about something about which he has absolutely zero first hand experience? </p>
<p>But, if you wanted a good retort, I think it’s pretty darned brilliant to get a solid undergraduate education at public school prices, especially in this economy. UT-Austin and Penn State have top shelf programs that will open all the same professional and post-grad doors as a $50k per year private school, IF the student makes the most of the opportunities offered. I always offer my brother-in-law’s experience as a good lesson. Undergrad at Colorado State and accepted into virtually every prestigious law school including Yale and Stanford. Attended Stanford Law, editor of Law Review, president of Stanford law student body. Enough said.</p>
<p>I just had this conversation with my Uncle last weekend. He is a very successful, self-made businessman with no college degree. We were discussing my youngest DD’s lack of showing on the SAT’s (he has put 3 children through private colleges himself) and my Uncle said that over the years he has hired many people and never once has he looked at where their degree has come from. That he has always been more interested in their character, personality, and experience than anything else.</p>
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I learned on CC to be tactful in speaking to graduating seniors, so my standard question is “where will life be taking you after vacation” which lets them tell me about summer vacation, a job, college, whatever is important to them, so I can coo appropriately. Plus I often hear things that are a lot more interesting and unexpected than just the name of the colleges they will be attending.</p>