Conflict with Admin over University guest policy

Parents Forum
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I am a current undergraduate student at a public University and have recently come into a conflict with the administration about housing, specifically the University’s guest policy. I’m posting about this in the Parents Forum because I would like advice from those more mature than I who can guide me on the best course of action in this situation. Thank you in advance if you reply to this post :slight_smile:

In the urban area where my University is located, there is a big festival on an upcoming weekend in March. My University gives students a long weekend for this festival. One of my best friends goes to a University quite far away (about a 10-hour drive) and was planning to stay with me for this long weekend so we could attend the festivities together. Because of the distance, I have already booked her flights to and from for that weekend.

I live in the dorms at my University, so the time and number of guests are understandably restricted per University policy. On a normal week, guests are allowed Noon-Midnight Sunday thru Thursday, and guests are allowed to stay 24 hours on weekend nights (Friday and Saturday). During breaks from school, the policy changes slightly so that guests are allowed overnight as long as classes are not scheduled the next day. (i.e. if we have Monday off, a guest would be allowed to stay overnight Sunday into Monday)

A few days ago, when I was talking to an upperclassman about my visiting friend, she informed me that guests were not allowed during this particular weekend in the dorms. I stopped by the housing office to ask the Housing Coordinator (we’ll call her ‘Sue’) for my particular dorm about this policy. Sue confirmed what the upperclassman had said, that no guests are allowed during this holiday weekend. I explained the situation, that I had no knowledge of this policy and that the airfare I had booked for my friend was nonrefundable and asked if an exception could be made. Sue said no. I asked her a few more questions about the policy, including if students had been informed of this departure from the normal rules. She admitted that she was not sure if students had ever been informed. I asked if there was someone else I could talk to in order to obtain permission for my friend to stay, and she indicated I could speak with ‘Michael’ (again, a pseudonym) who is in charge of all University housing. After a quick email correspondence, he has agreed to meet with me next week, in person.

After I spoke with ‘Sue’, I went through everything I could think of that pertained to the guest policy in the dorms. Emails from the housing office, emails from my RA, the University Handbook, the Handbook for my specific dorm, and the housing contract I signed at the beginning of the year. Nothing I found put this change of guest policy into writing. Because of this, and the fact that I have already booked two nonrefundable flights, I feel as though I have a fairly convincing case as to why I should be granted an exception to the rules.

This is where I come to you. I am not a person who confronts people in this way normally (and I wouldn’t except for the few hundred dollars on the line) so I am not very sure of myself. I’m wondering about the best and most convincing arguments to make to ‘Michael’ from an outside perspective.

Would it be convincing for me to show all correspondence I’ve received from the housing office to prove this change of policy was never communicated to students? Would it be reassuring to know both myself and my guest are very good students with no behavioral issues in our pasts?

I know in the end it is up to the University to decide this matter, whether I like it or not. If they decide that my friend will not be allowed to stay despite all of this, however grudgingly, I will oblige. That being said, I would like to put myself in the best position possible to convince them to make an exception. If you have any tips, tricks, or advice on how to best make my case, I would greatly greatly appreciate it. Thank you!

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Do you have any friends who live off campus who might be able to help you out? What I mean…could your friends stay with someone who lives off campus?

You have a convincing story…but think of,the other side…if every student had a guest in the dorms that weekend for a festival…it would be pretty overwhelming for the university.

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Does the guest policy include a statement that the university may restrict additional days beyond those listed initially? If so, what does it say about what notice it will give to students?

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@thumper1 Good idea, but no off-campus friends, unfortunately :confused: And I see what you’re saying, it could be a big burden on them. I can see why they would say no guests (and honestly it’s probably a good idea) but I would hope they would inform students about it. In the end, even if I don’t get what I want, hopefully in the future they will be more proactive about it and other people won’t be out of their money like we might be

@ucbalumnus not in anything that I have read, including the housing contract all students sign, which seems like the most likely place for a clause like that

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Is it no guests in the rooms, or none in the dorms at all? Is there a lounge where she could sleep for the night?

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@suzy100 none in the dorms at all. And apparently that starts on Friday at noon, but her flight isn’t until Saturday so I couldn’t even sneak her in hahaha

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Why not rent an AirBnB room for your friend for the weekend?

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@NorthernMom61 I did look into that! It is technically a possibility but this festival is a big draw. Many rooms (around 90% according to airbnb) have already been booked, and those that are left are very, very expensive ($250+ a night) We might be able to make it happen but that would be a last last resort, and probably not worth it in the end. Thanks for your suggestion!

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@floridak111 - I would write a script for myself. Make sure that i put all of the points I want to make in that script. Be sure to include everything. Then follow that script in the meeting. I would (and have) even tell the person that you are following an outline so you make sure you are able to make all of your points.

Finally, I would search for backup plans. Local hotel or other accommodations that your friend could use. Just in case.

Good luck. You seem to have a viable argument, but you are up against a bureaucracy so all bets are off.

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@jpc763 thank you for the advice, that sounds like a good plan. When I read ‘all bets are off’ I just pictured a fistfight :smiley: I hope it doesn’t come to that

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I think you have some strong arguments, well laid out, for getting an exception but the upperclassman you spoke with knew about the rule so it wasn’t completely a double secret probation thing. Can you ask the upperclassman how she knew about the policy? Best case, you can find that it was mentioned in last year’s student handbook but left out of this year’s (or something like that).

Regardless, having a plan B is a good idea.

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I would go for Plan B right now and rent a hotel room, Air B&B or something to accommodate you and your friend. Although I agree the school’s policy should have been made clear, you need to move forward assuming the school will not make an exception. And before you talk to anyone, I would read the ResLife manual carefully to see if it says anything about that weekend.

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@Otterma I hadn’t thought about how she knew, I’ll definitely ask her though, thank you!
@happy1 Can you elaborate on what you mean by reslife manual? I think I’ve already gone through every related document but I want to make sure I’m not missing anything

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Many colleges Office of Residential Life have some kind of a manual available online. Maybe check the ResLife page of your college website. And you can google Your College Name Residential Life Handbook (and manual) to see if anything comes up.

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@happy1 thank you! I’ll definitely take a look

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I’m certainly sympathetic to your dilemma. At the same time, I can appreciate the school’s perspective – my kid attends UW Madison, where a couple of famous events occur each year (“Freak Fest” etc), and other students from all over hit up their UW friends for a floor to crash on so they can attend. Maybe a few weeks or so before the event, students were notified that the dorms would be entirely closed to visitors the three days around FreakFest – not only could non-UW students not be guests on the floor, they weren’t even allowed in the dorm period, only students with UW ID could physically get into the dorm. I’m sure my son would have been upset if he had made specific plans for someone to come visit and stay. I imagine that the Residential Life Manual somewhere has provisions in it allowing the university to supplement ordinary policies under certain conditions, and a huge festival with thousands of visitors, would probably fall within that flexibility. Assuming you attend a large university, I doubt that an administrator would make an exception for a single student, no matter how persuasive that particular case might be. The risk of creating one exception for the well-reasoned argument would open the floodgates for all kinds of other claims for exceptions.

I’d work on Plan B, alternative housing – hostels?

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I think your measured, reasonable tone in this post is a good start for your meeting. But I also strongly advise you to prepare yourself for the worst. Big universities are entrenched bureaucracies, and as such they aren’t built for flexibility. Whatever you do, if you’re faced with an answer you don’t like, resist the urge to get emotional or combative. Bureaucracies also don’t deal well with that sort of thing.

Best of luck. Definitely pulling for you, @floridak111

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@Midwestmomofboys I completely understand why they close up the dorms. Extra kids on campus, on a weekend known for partying, could certainly be a liability. Much like UW, our dorms are supposed to be completely closed to guests during the four days we have off, even during the day. If that was the only issue I honestly would have no problem with it, I understand the University’s reluctance to take on that extra burden. However, not being notified in a timely manner (or at all apparently) is unacceptable to me and I’m sure many other students.
I have checked, and will check again, every document relevant to my housing situation on campus, but have yet to find anything stating that the university has this discretion. It would not surprise me at all if they do, but I have not been able to find it. Even in that case, I would expect to be notified by the University well in advance of a situation like this that affects many people.
I also have to take issue with the argument that an exception for one is an exception for all, that’s a slippery slope fallacy. Each instance can be evaluated on a case by case basis.
(Thanks for letting me practice some of my arguments on you, though :wink:

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@marvin100 thank you for the well wishes! I know my chances aren’t that great but I feel like I gotta try

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@floridak111 While you have my sympathy, I’m simply sharing that at a large institution, a low to mid-level administrator is not likely to have the authority to make a single exception to a broad policy, even if the individual advancing the argument is reasonable. And the Head of Residential Life, or an Asst or Assoc Dean, or other upper level administrator is not likely to make an exception either. There is too much downside for them in opening the door to a single case.