My son is not doing well academically his freshman semester. He has one class he is making a C in (other than a PE class), the other classes are lower than a C. He wants to withdraw and just get a job until he figures out what he wants to do in life. Is it better to finish the semester with at least one course with a C (dropping the other courses) or withdraw in the middle of the semester? He is smart and his SAT score would get him a scholarship at many colleges, but I don’t think that it can be used in the future since he has already attended college at this point.
I am absolutely sure he is not out partying at all. He says his head hurts when he studies and he hates school. He refuses any tests to rule out medical or learning issues. I would appreciate any help or insight.
I would absolutely have him withdraw from the school entirely, if that is possible. I hope the financial consequences aren’t too dire though. Is it past the normal withdrawal period? Sometimes you not only lose what you paid, but have to pay back financial aid. There is usually a minimum number of courses to stay enrolled.
I really believe that maintaining a clean transcript (or getting rid of a bad one) is important.
He may indeed have some kind of medical issue: eyes, neurological problem like migraine, but you can’t force him if he is over 18. He will come to it in time.
One of mine left after two weeks of sophomore year and worked, and things have worked out really well. She returned to school on her own terms a few years later.
It is not too late to withdraw entirely. In fact he has almost another month in which to do so. He has received no financial aid and scholarships.
He was enrolled in all math related courses involving problem solving (accounting, economics, and computers). He reports this head hurting is not literally physical but almost is when he is straining to do this type of work, but does not occur when reading and studying liberal arts type subjects. His SAT scores on math and verbal were literally the same so I don’t know what to think.
I don’t seem to be able to convince him to study harder in order to make a C in at least two of the courses. I guess it may be better to withdraw entirely than to have two drops and a C on his first semester of college transcript. And that’s if he maintains a C in just one of the courses.
Thank you for your input. I’m glad things worked out well for your daughter.
It may be early enough you can get a partial reimbursement for the semester. If he withdraws now it will just be a blip. Good luck to your kid, I hope you can figure out what the issue is. I have a good friend who seemed to be good in math in high school, but just couldn’t cut it in a mathy field in college. He took time off, changed majors and graduated and is now employed in a job he likes.
This is really wise beyond his years. Many students should do this but most don’t realize it until they have dug the hole too deep and are saddled with debt.
Many people return to school more motivated and focused. Others conclude that school isn’t really worth it for them.
It sounds like he really doesn’t like the math oriented classes (although he’s strong in math) and has finally reached the level where it effects his grades. He might consider withdrawing, getting a job, and taking a few social science courses at a CC to see if that sparks some interest. If so, he might gain interest in a completely different field. Not that uncommon.
D1 was a math major, but she couldn’t manage more than 2 math courses a semester because of so many problem sets. Your son could be more of a humanities student. I also think keeping withdrawing without bad grades would give him more options in the future. Good luck.
It sounds like stopping out for a bit makes sense. It is a big decision, so I would definitely talk to the Dean of Students to understand what happens, how he comes back if that’s his choice, if it has to be a medical leave, etc. Schools are often supportive in this situation. But act quickly given where we are in the semester.
Thank you to everyone for your input. He isn’t receiving any need based aid or any financial aid or scholarships whatsoever.
He knows he would be happier majoring in a liberal arts type field but keeps saying there aren’t any jobs in that. He would love to be a lawyer but doesn’t want to go to college for that long.
He has gotten most of the basic core liberal arts classes done already through AP and Clep tests so I can’t suggest he take those next semester while figuring things out.
So many stories here on this forum are about kids doing poorly in college while deceiving their parents and pretending things are okay.
You have a kid who is telling the truth. It isn’t the reality you had expected, but can you take a step back and appreciate his situation?
Good news–you have a child who is willing to open up and be honest with you. He may or may not have mental health issues, but he is asking for time off to figure out what his next step in education will be.
Grieve privately for the future you saw for your son, and keep any worries about future college/career plans to yourself for now. Focus on the present, and help your son figure out the rules at his college for withdrawing. Find out if/how he can return later if he chooses to do so.
Discuss with your spouse/co-parent about general rules for son coming back to live at home. It will be different having him back in your house. There could be chores, rent payment due (after a short grace period to find a job), and I think the nature of these rules depend on whether you discover underlying mental health issues.
This is not easy. Hugs to you as you navigate this situation.
Two of my kids have humanities degrees and have fabulous jobs (one in tech- kid never took a single CS or engineering course in HS). It’s not the degree- it’s the kid. So I’d set aside the career worries for the time being.
Without knowing which school he is at it is hard to make any recommendations. But I am surprised he has fulfilled all of his core requirements. Most schools do not require students to declare a major until junior year. I am also surprised his advisor didn’t tell him not to take so many math related courses the first semester.
All kinds of great jobs (including high paying jobs in banking, consulting, F500 Leadership Dev Programs, etc). for any major. Lot of kids with PoliSci, Psych, Econ, English, etc. They want smart kids with great critical thinking skills who communicate and work well on teams. The degree is secondary.
I appreciate everyone’s input. And kind words. Thank you very much.
There are two core liberal arts courses he needs and would do well in. The college he is in is a huge state school and it’s unusual to be able to get into those courses until junior year.
He has some money he can live on for a year or two. He plans to stay where he is for the time being as his lease runs until sometime in the summer. He wants to get a job working fast food.
He is a very good young man. I’m not mad at him. I do feel like a bit of a failure as a parent that I didn’t see this coming and perhaps given him better advice.
I appreciate the encouragement in liberal arts. I will pass that on to him. I did suggest taking some liberal arts courses just to see if he does better with those and likes them more but he just says he hates school and doesn't want to take any courses.
I’m trying to reach the college to ask about ramifications for withdrawing but they are hard to reach. Lots of high school seniors calling about admissions.
If he’s making top grades and SAT scores in high school, it means he’s very smart and capable. If he bombs his first semester of college, it means he’s not studying. It’s as simple as that. The trick is to find out what’s behind it. It could be a sign of ADD. Very smart kids with ADD can often get top grades and scores, because let’s face it, high school isn’t very difficult. Once they get to college, it quickly overwhelms them because they haven’t learned how to study. If he’s otherwise good, but it’s extremely difficult to study, then it’s likely ADD. Anxiety over tests and assignments can make ADD worse and create a cycle that perpetuates itself. I think you should make an appointment with a psychiatrist. I think it’s a good idea to drop 1 or 2 classes, but stay in college. This is treatable. The tendency of ADD is to run away and make a drastic change.
There are many kids who are good in both math/sci and humanities, but who really are better suited for the humanities. I hope that after working for a while, your son returns to college and chooses a major that really brings him joy instead of stress, or that he finds a career path that doesn’t require a bachelor’s degree at all. In the meantime, I hope you can recover some or all of your financial investment!