<p>Hi all,</p>
<p>Me again 
</p>
<p>I am getting ready to sign a lease for a new apartment and starting to have second thoughts. The apartment itself is a huge step-up from my current apartment. In a better part of town, right near the bike trail, across the street from work, movie theater, 24 hour fitness center, rooftop decks, etc. It’s really beautiful and cheaper than the apartment I’m currently living in.</p>
<p>However, it’s not free, and my parents’ home is. My older sister (23) is currently living there, as well, but looking to move out once she finds a job. My younger brother (16) is also there, but frequently out and about volunteering or with friends. </p>
<p>My boss frequently telecommutes and I am fairly confident she would allow me to do so, as well, although I have not asked yet. I currently go to the downtown office to do administrative work or participate in meetings (in-person or on conference calls), but could easily do most of these from home. I’d probably go to the office once a week or so for in-person meetings, if I chose to telecommute. The rest of the time, I am off-site at private homes or schools.</p>
<p>However, I am having an extremely hard time adjusting to working in the office. Due to the nature of research, the workload constantly ebbs and flows. The unpredictability of it all is horribly unsettling to me, and I have a hard time with change, in general. The “slow” times seem to immediately plunge me back into a deep depression where I feel lost and unable to cope. I have always had structure in my life and the unstructured “slowness” is very hard for me to deal with. I feel as if I’m on the verge of resorting back to maladaptive coping mechanisms, just to add structure to my life. I think that if I were at home, I could add more structured activities during the slow times, which might help me cope.</p>
<p>I also have a hard time with the environment of the office, in general, due to some sensory issues. If I’m having a rough day, I’ll leave the lights off because I just can’t deal with them. I panic when I hear the sound of people scratching clothes. At home, my environment is tailored towards me and I can control the textures, sounds, sights, etc. It’s also very familiar and comforting, which might help me, since I have such a hard time with change.</p>
<p>Also, at home, I would be less required to interact in-person. I am much, much better at expressing myself by email and flounder in situations in which I have to balance nonverbal input with spontaneous conversation. If I mostly communicated by email, this would be less of an issue. I do frequently interact with coworkers, however, and they are pretty much my only friends. If I chose to live at home, I’d see them much less often, and probably would lose out on the small amount of in-person social interaction I currently have, which could be a good thing or bad thing (depending on how you look at it, I suppose). </p>
<p>To be honest though, I’ve actually wanted to move home for a while. I had an eating-disorder relapse last year at this time, almost immediately after moving away from home. I thought I would have to go back to live with my family, but pulled myself back together and was doing okay for a while. Now, as I get ready to commit to living alone another year, those feelings are very strong again. </p>
<p>I hate to say this, but I sometimes regret not having the choice to live at home after school. Working downtown, it never made sense for me to commute from my parents’ home, and it was just assumed that I’d continue living on my own. But, at times like these, I wonder if I made the right choice. I feel as if I might react better to the changes, if I were in a familiar environment with family, instead of a strange apartment by myself. </p>
<p>One of my only concerns, however, is that the motivation to move back home may be motivated by my strong fears of maturity. I don’t honestly want to grow up at all and would prefer to stay this age forever. At work, I am known for being the “young kid” and my accomplishments would most likely not be as impressive if I were older. I also do not have a desire to date, get married, have a family, etc., which feels okay for a 20-year old, but obviously, each year, societal pressures to do the above-mentioned things increase drastically. I feel as if moving home might help reinforce my unrealistic dream of remaining a kid forever. </p>
<p>Anyway, I am rambling again, but would really appreciate advice, if anybody managed to read through this novel (or even if you just skimmed it!). Does this plan sound reasonable? Unreasonable?</p>