Convincing Family

<p>My family is going to be relocating from Conn. to Chicago. Both my father and I are still okay with me going to BS over here on the east coast. My mother has experienced a change of heart. She either wants me to go to a school in CT and have her stay and break the family up (not divorce) or move to Chicago and go to some day school over there. I really would like to go to BS over here and have yet to visit AESD. Is there anything that the mom's here would like to pass on that could convince my mom? Students and dads feel free to suggest.</p>

<p>Need more information!</p>

<p>What year are you? What schools are you considering? Where is the family going to be in Chicago? What are your day school options in Chi-town?</p>

<p>I moved from Connecticut to Chicago <em>after college</em> and it was an <em>adventure</em>. </p>

<p>When looking at boarding schools on the east coast, be sure to figure out the best way home from school to Chicago. In other words, think about schools nearer to the airports. </p>

<p>Loomis and Suffield are very close to BDL ... while Deerfield is a bit of a hike ... and as far as Hotchkiss or Kent -- well you can't get there (BDL) from here! Those western Connecticut schools though ... actually you could take the MetroNorth train to White Plains and then get a cab from the train to the plane at HPN and fly HPN to ORD very easily.</p>

<p>I know a lot of kids will chime in with you only go home two or three times a year so why does airport access matter. You asked how to convince your MOM. That would convince me ...that I could get to my child or vice versa easily.</p>

<p>I am in 8th grade looking at 9th grade. I am looking at Andover, Exeter, Deerfield, SPS, Taft, Choate, Loomis, and Hotchkiss. I think that my family will live in the suburbs of Chicago. I am looking at The Latin School of Chicago and Lake Forest Academy. I'm not really interested in them though. I would really like to go to the schools listed above.</p>

<p>As someone mentioned on a related thread, the best way to influence parents in favor of boarding schools is to get them to visit. When they see the amazing facilities and opportunities available, they sometimes turn around.</p>

<p>I would say if possible, have your mom go on a vist with you. Once she sees the schools, and sees the right fit for you, she might be convinced. Also, Southwest has regular DIRECT flights from Hartford and Manchester to Midway that are really reasonable. You will probably get to fly home quite often - even for a weekend sometimes.</p>

<p>My mom has gone on visits with me to Taft, Loomis, and Hotchkiss. The thing is she thinks that i should go to school somewhere in CT. What happens if i love Exeter? What then Mom? Her redundant guilt answer is "What's more important? A close family or a school?" She really wants me to stay in CT which in my opinion is a bit selfish. That's shutting a lot of doors for me. She thinks the visits are a waste of time but i'm still going. She loved the schools she went to.</p>

<p>Why don't you try to make an agreement with your Mom. You will visit the Latin School of Chicago and Lake Forest Academy with an open mind and she will visit the remaining schools in CT with an open mind. If you go with an open mind, you may find that you like these Chicago schools. I've heard good things about both. You just don't hear good things about them in CT. Is the move final? In the corporate world things can change quickly. You can also suggest that it would be good to apply to the CT schools in case the move does not happen.</p>

<p>Burb Parent, I think you misunderstood. I have visited all the schools i am interested in, in CT. It's the schools out of CT that my mom is reluctant about. The move is final. The 2 schools out in Chicago, i'm not applying for. I'm looking at them so if i move, i'll go to public school in 9th grade and then apply for 10th for the schools in Chicago. I'm definetly applying to the schools on the East coast.</p>

<p>A mom of an E'11 here.</p>

<p>Are you saying that she will stay on in CT and is willing to let you board at a CT school?</p>

<p>OK. I meant to write New England and not CT.<br>
What I don't understand is why you cannot apply to the Chicago schools now. When will your family move? Does your mother want to stay in CT until the end of the next school year so your brothers and sisters can continue at their current school without having to change in the middle of the year?<br>
I think it would be very disruptive to do one year of public school in Chicago and then switch to the independent schools. Please clarify.</p>

<p>This is pretty tough for us to help even the facts related to BS and the move aren't clear. But we're looking at this in a vacuum. A move like this is one of the most stressful changes people make in their lives. Your mom has needs and stresses here that none of us can possibly factor in to any advice we might offer. I'm not saying we shouldn't offer advice or that it will be for naught. I'm saying that you're going to have to take everything you glean from this thread, think of what your mom and dad (and sibs?) will have to do to accommodate your desires, put it through the blender and see what comes out. Maybe your mom needs to be near you. Maybe there are other things going on with the move. Maybe she needs more time to be near friends/family in CT...and staying back to be with you dovetails with that. I'm not asking, because I don't want to know. That's information you have that's for you to process. There's way too much here for us to be addressing to give you anything conclusive or definitive, so please understand that what you get here is just one facet of the overall equation you need to consider.</p>

<p>One more thing. Why don't you apply NOW to the boarding schools, any day schools in Connecticut that are possibilities, and the day schools in Chicago. A lot can happen between NOW and April 1. And then you will have (might have?) choices. What happens if you only apply to boarding schools in Connecticut and then don't get in?</p>


<p>Our son (PEA '07) went to Exeter as a sophomore while we moved from Nevada to Hawaii. Despite a 6 hour time difference and 12-15 hours of air travel, our family survived. Tears were shed and our son became much more independent very quickly, but his years at Exeter were happy and valuable.</p>

<p>Does your mother have specific concerns?</p>

<p>I moved from Pittsburgh to "Chicagoland" in 2003 while I was attending Mercersburg in southern PA, and at first it seemed like it would be a problem.<br>
We quickly found very affordable Southwest and ATA flights from Chicago Midway Airport to Washington, DC and Baltimore. From there, Mercersburg took care of the rest. I traveled this way for three years with no problems except for a fluke blizzard one winter.</p>

<p>my$0.02 = best screen name ever for any message board</p>

<p>haha, i went through the same thing--except worse!</p>

<p>I live on west coast, the school i wanted to apply to was east coast and they were just like "NO WAY!" but i researched the school, emailed teachers and students, compiled all the information and then wrote letters to bother of them telling them exactly why it was time to let me go.</p>

<p>and now i'm applying to five boarding schools. GOOD LUCK!!!!!</p>

<p>As someone said above, the move is going to be stressful for all. There will be many things that are new and uncertain and the possibility of your going away to school is one of them. </p>

<p>Even so, you need to get your approach to school set. In chicago burbs, many students who would be in private school in the east go to excellent public school. So maybe that is an option that is both good and safe. The other approach is a NE bs.</p>

<p>Are you saying your mom would stay in CT while you are a boarding (not day)student at a school that happens to be in CT, but not in another NE state? She might have mixed feelings about the move herself and the idea of keeping her roots in ct is appealing. But would she really want to do this for 4 years? What about when you are in college? Are you either an only child or the youngest with siblings in or close to college?</p>

<p>Sorry i'm so late on responding. I'll answer the questions one by one.
I have had a change of plans. I am applying to the 2 schools in Chicago along with a few of the schools here. I have 2 younger brothers and they'd go to school out in Chicago. My mom has no specific concerns like drugs or stuff like that. She knows i'm responsible enough. The only problem is she wants the family to be close together. That's were the logic stops. My mom wants the family to be close together, so... last time i checked if i go to BS here and my family is in Chi. we're in 2 places. If my dad is in Chicago, i'm at BS, and my mom and sibs are in southern CT how many places are we in now.... 3!!!! Inquiring mind we are not looking at public school but you never know.
I'm visiting AESD at the end of this month and the beginning of Dec. If you have any more questions or suggestions feel free to post again of PM me.</p>

<p>My suggestion for your BS interviews is that you play it VERY close to your vest regarding your dynamic/fluid family plans and priorities. You and your parents should enter the interviews on the basis that it's firmly decided that you need to be at BS. If you're wishy-washy, you'll basically foreclose that option. Your plans may change or you may still be unsure of things later on, but there is no need to tell all during your interviews. You'll make your decision once you've sorted it all out; but if you're uncertain, the schools will make the decision for you (as to whether BS is an option) at the time of the interview. There will be a note in the file from the interviewer -- no matter how much s/he says you're super and wonderful -- and the outcome will be expressed in a letter you receive sometime in mid-March. </p>

<p>There are just too many applicants with stellar credentials who are more likely yields. It's tough enough competing for high yields against the other three of AESD. With you they'd also be competing against your parents and a family move. You'd represent a very low likelihood of matriculation if you (or your parents) spilled your guts out about the move, all the decisions you're forced to make, and how conflicted things seem. Instead, go in with the attitude that there's a firm decision that this option is the one everyone is agreed upon makes sense. If it's not...just don't apply later on. If it is, then that's the basis for applying, so they're getting an accurate picture of the person (and family) they'll be offering admission to. Don't lie, of course. Just present a united and committed front!</p>

<p>1,000 POSTS!</p>

<p>Congrats, D'yer! Below you, I just noticed, Burb Parent reached that milestone as well. </p>

<p>I reached it a while ago... though my posts are not as long as yours... !</p>