So – your thoughts please:
My 86 year old mother is thinking of moving from Southern California to a retirement community in Denver to be closer to me. We were planning on her coming out this summer to tour a few places.
My first instinct was to have her fly out (accompanied by my sister) when the stay-at-home is eased in SoCal.
Then it occurred to me that now may be a better – safer for her – time to travel since fewer people are flying.
What do you think? What would you do? TIA.
Besides age does she have any other risk factors?
No. Healthy and independent.
I’ll add, but she gets a bit overwhelmed at airports, which is why I’d have her travel with my sister.
Those of you who are talking about people living in a ‘bubble wrap world’ and not considering those who are less fortunate, I think it is true that many people do not consider how life is for everyone else who is different from ourselves. I think from where I sit, many who are not immune deficient and believe they themselves not high risk also do the same in terms of health. I have had to live like many are now during cold and flu season for years. The idea that this is my life along with going to work where I will feel stressed and worried is very sobering and depressing. The idea that I might not get the usual relief from worry about viruses even in summer, when I’m usually very active and visit lots of friends and family and do lots of things is so very sad to me.
Those of you who don’t have to consider possibly having to live like this for the rest of your life are probably not all appreciating how very lucky that seems to people like me. It is easy to call people out on not thinking something you think but probably those calling people out are also not thinking everything. And reading posts here it feels that many think the lives of people like me or those over 70 or whatever are not so important compared to the economy. I can understand this point of view but I doubt that many who have it would volunteer their own lives up if they felt they were in a high risk group. And for some it seems our lives are worth less than the desire to go out during the stay home phase of a pandemic response to sightsee or socialize or whatever. I don’t take it personally but did want to point this out as it seems that some are being very judgemental to those not considering people who must work.
I am very thankful to all people who are doing essential jobs. I feel great concern for those impacted financially by the pandemic. I also feel disturbed by those not listening to what infectious disease specialists recommend and those who disregard the stay home/stay put so they can do things that are not essential. The groups of young people I saw yesterday congregating when we had to get something at DS’s school (no contact pick up) concern me. We are not even past peak here! That’s not safe or smart and could easily spread the virus in this area.
I haven’t heard anyone here criticize people who have to work for doing so, but that is held up as equivalent to expressing concern about people doing things like those young people I saw yesterday. Not the same at all. I also don’t hear people saying we should all stay home until a vaccine is pushed out to the public, but I will have to limit what I do perhaps the rest of my life. You have privilege in health if you do not have to worry about this possibility for yourself.
I very much appreciate this!!
They are in the back seat and I am in the front. More distance between us than in an airplane. I have masks for them but I really doubt they’ll wear them, since they are 4 and 5.
We’ll do the best we can but for us, it is time to get out in the world again. These kids really need to see their siblings. It is all they talk about. They’ve had some Zoom visits but they really don’t understand them or have the attention span to last more than 5 minutes or so.
I would not have my mom make a move anytime in the near future and I certainly wouldn’t want her getting on a plane. She always comes north for a month to six weeks in the summer, but will not be coming this year.
It’s far too dangerous.
The people like me who are staying home are actually the ones who care about essential workers.
The ones who are going out, not so much, imo.
You can shop online and get takeout at restaurants if you are so concerned about the businesses you want to survive.
And I’m paying my housecleaner, my hair stylist and my manicurists while they are unable to work.
I’m on a plane right this minute. It’s spotless, as was the airport. Masks required and everyone is wearing one. In the airport itself, about 90% masked.
It’s a very strange travel experience.
@emilybee You need to know when to fold ‘em.
@katliamom thanks for asking the question, because our family is facing the exact same quandry. My elderly parents are increasingly unable to live independently, and we want them to move here. Personally, I’d decided I would drive out (over 1,000 miles one way) and then drive them back. I think although they would be “out and about” longer, the exposure risk is much less than being on a plane with recirculated air. We could luck out and have five people on the flight or it could be crowded. As I see it, the exposure risk in driving is eating, getting gas and staying overnight at a motel. But if almost no one is in the motel, I think that makes the risk pretty low.
My only uncertainty is the timing. Is it better to go now, before things really open up? Or wait for the warmer weather? At some point their dementia will force the issue, so we cannot wait forever (or a year) for the situation to be completely better.
Does anyone have any thoughts? I’m sure I haven’t thought of everything and would love the wisdom of this group.
We find out if MN is opening their outdoor facilities on May 18 (key for H and his brother are ‘Boundary Waters’ - canoe in, camp and fish). We delayed seeing MIL for her 91st birthday, and we are getting plans together for June travel.
As much as hospitals need nurses, many systems do not treat them well - and it comes to financials. Niece was so glad DD assisted her with getting in to VA Hospital in her city - guided her on application process. The VA does not cut hours or salaries of nurses like hospitals will do despite the hospital census. Niece has a number of friends who have had to deal with the unreliability of their job/paycheck. I have told DD/SIL do not come into DD’s home town area because the one hospital system has not treated nurses in their financial downs.
For nurse’s week, the facility I have worked for over the past 3 years (skilled care and rehab) has actually done something a bit nice for the nurses, thanks to the new nursing director. In the goodie bag was a T Shirt with this saying on the front “Save One Life You’re a Hero. Save a Hundred and you’re a NURSE”. Had the facility name on the back of the T Shirt, which is fine - we give great care within all the constraints. Weeks ago she had asked what size T Shirt we wore, so she didn’t guess and got what we could wear.
The risks people are making ignoring how incredibly contagious Covid-19 just boggles my mind. I had my dental cleaning just before C-19 blew up; they had me use hand sanitizer before going back to dental chair. The office was closed as prescribed by the state for several weeks. Now it is open, and H has his scheduled dental cleaning, but they are being super careful now - you text from the parking lot and they screen you before coming into building and going straight to dental chair. They definitely want their staff and facility to remain C-19 free.
Have you done a search for “United full flight”? The days of having a plane practically to oneself could be gone, not that I expect it to pick up much more either, though. It may be six of one, half dozen of the other in terms of timing. If a flight is going to be about 80% full either way, you may as well have mom put on a mask and take advantage of Southwest Airlines’ $49 one way fares, which I believe go through August.
Why would I do that?
The virus is still among us and not going away anytime soon. We also have no treatment for it yet or a vaccine.
There will be a second wave, that is certain.
In Wuhan they just had to shut down 1000 residential buildings again.
Anyone who thinks this is going away, as if by magic, or it’s not so deadly and besides they are immune because of their age, or because it wasn’t so bad where they live during in the first wave (which is still ongoing,) has rocks for brains.
One of my pet peeves throughout this crisis has been the virtue signaling of the “let’s hole up in our comfortable abode and have the little people bring us groceries and take out” crowd. “But I am still paying all my servants - the manicurists, the gardener, the stylist, the housekeeper - because I care and i want you all to know just how good I am!”
Look, I do not fault anyone for having a very low tolerance for risk. It’s your life, not mine. But no, you are not isolating yourself because you care about others and do not want to infect them. You are isolating because you are terrified. Own up to it.
I’m sorry some posts make you feel that way, but that is not what I feel and not what I read in other posts.
You, my mother, and others are going to need to take more precautions and stay more isolated longer than younger healthier poorer people. It isn’t fair, but life isn’t fair. A disease that is more likely to kill you than kill me has been unleashed on the world.
First, the blame is on the virus, and second the regime that let it escape and lied about what was happening. Not on the rest of the world trying to survive the pandemic.
You are looking at the behavior of others and thinking “If I acted that way it would be because…” instead of asking them/us “Why are you acting that way?” Accusatory instead of curious.
In my judgement, people who are most at risk of this will be better off if the rest of us get back to work and rebuild our lives. We had a booming economy and governments are feeling generous now, but as this grinds on care and support of all kinds will be more severely rationed. You are better off in a growing economy with some virus risk than in a depression with slightly lower virus risk. Because the rest of us need less help, more is available for you.
And right now the problem you describe is that you are afraid of getting the virus. But millions of people are out of work and down to their last dollar, not knowing where there next meal is coming from or whose couch they can sleep on. You can choose to stay in and mask up when you go out, but they have no fallback plan.
Try to see the good in people who have other visions for how to get through this.
That flight (although United is terrible anyway) was an anomaly and United has changed its procedures.
My flight might have 80 people on it- only nonstop if the day. All middle seats are empty. No beverage service. It feels ok.
This is an option I haven’t fully considered – because, ugh – but may have to if I want her to come to Denver this summer (also a thousand miles one way, so just like your quandry.)
It’s such a toughie… she’s healthy and independent, but totally alone now with the SAH… and that’s just not a psychologically good thing. So you’re also weighing the health risk factor with the depression/mental acuity factor. Sigh…
Best advice ever!!
Thanks for the Southwest tip, @Groundwork2022 !
Yes, I’ve seen those “United full flight” photos, and find them terrifying. This is all so hard… 
You want to be a good daughter, you want to be a good citizen, you want to do the right thing…
NIH says “There is no evidence that recirculation of cabin air facilitates the transmission of infectious disease agents on board.”
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK143720/
That’s a 2008 paper though. Here’s a more recent article that seems to address coronavirus, but I cant see it because its behind a paywall. Maybe you can…
https://www.washingtonpost.com/local/trafficandcommuting/scientists-think-they-know-ways-to-combat-viruses-on-airplanes-theyre-too-late-for-this-pandemic/2020/04/20/83279318-76ab-11ea-87da-77a8136c1a6d_story.html
There are several other relevant, recent articles, but I’m not familiar with the sources, so won’t link them here. A google search brings them up.