<p>cc friends:</p>
<p>gotta dilemma in our house…Dad’s rule, 14 yr-old Frosh D cannot go out with senior guys, period. BUT, Daddy’s little girl has been invited to winter formal by a senior…hmmm, how does everyone vote?</p>
<p>btw: Older brother, a senior at same school, confirmed that the suitor is a fine boy.</p>
<p>Nose of the camel and all that.</p>
<p>My own gut feel is that it’s a bridge too far and if the D were so preocious that it weren’t I’d be worried.</p>
<p>NO. End of discussion.</p>
<p>I have a 9th grade D. No way.</p>
<p>why not?</p>
<p>tell her not to drink that much and put her on birth control, to be safe.</p>
<p>I don’t see the problem with it, as long as you have trust with your daughter and the date.Your daughter is in high school now and a greater sense of freedom should be given. Sure, dad is a little skeptical, but I think if your daughter is overprotected and not able to enjoy her high school to the fullest( ie. going to winter formal), that is a problem and she might be one of thse girls that go crazy and rebel in college when suddenly there’s no more rules and limitatios. Freedom with responsibility and balance, I believe is most important. So sure, let her go to the winter formal. I think that you should meet the boy and have a thorough conversation about your expectations and rules and get a feel with how comfortable you feel about him with your daughter. If you think he’s trustable and all the rules have been made crystal clear, I don’t really see the problem.</p>
<p>Best of luck!</p>
<p>i dated a senior when i was a sophomore, and i knew lots of other seniors that were dating freshmen.
i wouldnt put it as a rule “you cant date seniors” because - there are lots of other factors. maybe this guy just needs a date to the winter formal and he thinks your daughter is cool. not all senior boys are interested only in sex drugs and rocknroll. i would say, meet the boy first so he knows you are concerned parents - that will probably scare him off if he has motives other than just wanting to take your daughter to a dance. unless, of course, you have other reasons not to trust your daughter.</p>
<p>As a parent of 2 boys, I say NO. It is not the grade difference, it is the maturity difference that I would worry about. If it were my D, NO WAY!</p>
<p>No from me too. When I was a freshman I went to a semi-formal with a senior guy. I was like a fish out of water. (In fact, as I recall, the guy sort of ditched me that night.) I always joke with my mom - why did you let me go to that???</p>
<p>I would vote No. It’s not just whether the “suitor” is a nice kid. It is, as weenie, said. She will be surrounded by a much older culture than that of a 9th grade girl, even just on the one night.</p>
<p>Does your D hang around with your S and his friends? Could it be a double date? Is your S willing to keep an eye on his sister? Could you arrange to meet the boy first? How important is it to your D that she go? </p>
<p>I think it depends a lot on the boy and your D. You know them best. If you flipped a coin, which way would you be <em>hoping</em> it would come up? (I’m semi-serious. I used to flip a coin when I couldn’t decide; if you’re disappointed with the results, then you know you really weren’t neutral after all!)</p>
<p>bluebayou~</p>
<p>I do not stick to many hard and fast rules with my kids. I tend to evaluate each situation individually. If the boy is “acceptable” according to your son, I’d consider it. I trust my son fully in that regard. It seems to me trust given to kids who earn it comes back to the parent by way of proper conduct…at least that’s the way it’s always worked around here. I ban VERY few things. That way, if I DO ban something, they know I really mean it, and I do not invite rebellion due to rules that kids view as arbitrary. ~berurah</p>
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<p>Ha. Ha. Ha. That’s a good one.</p>
<p>when I was in 9th grd we had junior highs- something I much prefer.
I have friends with 9th graders- one who is dating boy next door who is 16- think he is a junior- at another school- not really worldly, but according to his previous girlfriend, isn’t sexually inexperienced.
I think in general however the boy is fine- it seems to be the girl and her friends who are eager to put themselves at senior functions- which are much more wild, than what 14 yr olds may do on their own.
I don’t know the boy that your daughter knows- but warning for invites coming out of blue.
I was asked out by a popular senior when I was in 10th gd. not part of my group of friends- I went out with him and was way over my head- he had dishonorable intentions to put it mildly and because my friends were not part of his group- I had little avenues for help when I needed an out.
I think if you have a rule not to date seniors- it doesnt change just because the situation presents itself. There must have been a reason for the rule. I would find out more- meet the other kids- talk to other parents and decide if your rule should be changed.</p>
<p>I’m disappointed every time I flip a coin for a decision–no matter the outcome! :)</p>
<p>As a high school senior, I cannot imagine going out with a freshman. However, I must admit, I had a brief relationship with a senior girl when I was freshman-aged, although I was in a higher grade at the time. This was a summer affair, and we went to different schools (in different states!), so age and grade were non-issues. I was mature for my age, and maybe she was immature for her own–it’s not something I would have been able to judge. We got along well, and we were completely on the same level. She was more experienced sexually, but I was never pressured. </p>
<p>The point is, it depends on the kids. A smart, mature freshman can have a great, safe time with a well-meaning senior. I feel encouraged by your son’s appraisal of the boy. Is your daughter very excited to go? I think you should sit down with her and ask her 1) why she wants to go and 2) why she wants to go with him. Those answers should be quite revealing. Maybe have a pre-date. He picks her up at your house (time for a drink together beforehand, maybe), and they and another couple (your son and his girlfriend?) go out and get a pizza together. If he won’t make the effort, he’s not worth it. Then you can size him up, and if you agree with your son’s opinion of him, let them go with a few ground rules (does the older brother watch them? what’s the curfew? after-dance party? …I’d say definitely NO on the last one!). </p>
<p>Do whatever your gut tells you; it’s probably right!</p>
<p>I’ll start by saying that I don’t believe in hard and fast rules like that. Never have. As the mom of four Ds, my first question to you would be, why is this boy asking your D to his senior formal? Are they already dating? Is he a family friend? Is she a platonic friend of his? Seniors don’t usually ask someone whom they don’t know to a formal. </p>
<p>If they’re friends, I don’t see anything particularly wrong with the scenario, if some limitations are set. If your S is going to be there, I wouldn’t worry, as long as you can reach some agreements beforehand. If it’s just the formal, then home, I don’t see a problem. I don’t think post-formal parties are the place for a 9th grader, as there is almost always alcohol involved. </p>
<p>At the high schools my Ds have attended, the winter formals had fewer rules as to who could attend than the end of the year formals. Chances are that there will be many younger students in attendance if it’s anything like our schools. Perhaps you can check on that. In any case, I wouldn’t rule it out totally just because he’s a senior.</p>
<p>Well, I dated a senior as a freshman. I did not even think that he knew me, until he asked me for a date. I was 14, and I was not even thinking about really dating at that point, but when asked it was a huge event in my life! First date was a local concert. My parents thought after a couple of dates that he would move on, but we ended up dating for over a year. This drove my parents crazy, but I am glad that they did not say no. There were curfews btw, and I followed the rules. He made part of my high school years a very happy time. When he went to college he was home every week-end and we still continued dating for a few months. My parents drew the line in the sand when he wanted me to come visit him in college- That was a big no, and I did not put up a fuss then, and obviously agree with them now! The college he attended was about 50 minutes from my home, so I could have easily gotten a bus, or ride from him to visit, but I was not a devious, defiant kid. </p>
<p>The point of all of this, is that it may not even be one night you are thinking about saying yes to, b/c in my case it went on for about 15 months.</p>
<p>interesteddad, do you not believe me that senior boys can be interested in other things? i agree that a great deal have their eyes only on one thing, but i dated several boys while i was in high school and all of them were more interested in poetry and art and, okay, rock and roll than they were in sex and drugs. one of them took me to his senior prom when i was a sophomore. and only one of them turned out to be gay afterward.
if the rationale of the original poster’s dad is that all senior high school boys want is sex, that’s simply not true, although it could be true for this one boy. girls tend to mature faster so a freshman girl could be on the same level as a senior boy, but i agree that she may feel like a “fish out of water” at a dance that’s predominately seniors, just because she wouldnt know anyone.</p>
<p>“gotta dilemma in our house…Dad’s rule, 14 yr-old Frosh D cannot go out with senior guys, period. BUT, Daddy’s little girl has been invited to winter formal by a senior…hmmm, how does everyone vote?”</p>
<p>No. No matter how fine a person he is, there is too much of an age difference between freshmen and seniors to make that date a good idea. If he’s the love of her life, he can wait until she’s in college.</p>
<p>It’s funny that the early responders are emphaticly voting “no” while the later ones are going with “maybe” (besides NSM).</p>