<p>I hate to sound like a jerk, but I feel sorry for the kids of a lot of people posting on here, it makes me glad to have very lax parents. (haha and yes i know this is on the parents forum, but i saw it under “latest posts” and couldn’t resist commenting) I think that setting up any sort of “absolute no” policy is just kind of ridiculous. Evaluate things as they come, how do you know this senior isn’t some 16 year old who skipped a grade, or maybe none of the girls in his grade will go out with him? And also, I disagree that it is too much of an age difference, in some cases, yes an 18 year old boy with a 14 or 15 year old girl is a bit dangerous, however sometimes their maturity could match up perfectly. As a wise hippie once said “age is just an arbitrary measure of time, man.” At least give the kid a chance. I am a senior who’s dating a sophomore, and I have a younger sister who is also a sophomore, if a respectable senior guy had wanted to date her I would have been fine with it. (This did happen) Jeez, some uptight parents on here.</p>
<p>I also have a Frosh D. and Senior S. Let’s just say, I’m sure D’s protective older brother would have a “nice little chat” with this kid in school. This situation would be taken care of well before I’d even have a chance to say no.</p>
<p>Thanks for reminding me, GoBlue! </p>
<p>As a freshman, I was (and still am) good friends with a nice, conservative, Christian girl. She was pursued by a senior who is an all-around nice kid, now at a Catholic college. They knew each other beforehand. She was a little interested and a little nervous. Let me tell you, though, her senior brother took care of that one before she ever made up her mind! The two still talk every once in a while, but it is certainly not going anywhere, and it never was. In this situation, her big brother cutting it off was the best thing that could have happened.</p>
<p>As I said, it depends on the kids. My relationship with the senior girl I mentioned was just what I needed at the time. We had some good times, and I don’t regret it at all.</p>
<p>i laugh about people who talk about age differences between 9th graders and 12th graders. it’s only three years, guys. there are plenty of mature 9th graders, and plenty of immature 12th graders. i don’t understand how you can rule out your daughters dating someone three years older than them solely based on their age/grade level. i mean, if 9th grade is in the high school, then the girls already been exposed to the whole senior high culture thing. 9th grade where I live is still junior high. it should all depend on the person/people… not how old they are.</p>
<p>Another kid butting in. Unless the senior pulled a random girl out of the hallway and asked her to the formal, the two already know each other. She is being “influenced” by older students at school every day, and if she is already friends with this boy, I don’t see a difference in maturity as a big concern. I’m not convinced that one evening spent with a friend constitutes a serious commitment. If they’re going to a <em>dance</em> they will be surrounded by friends and classmates anyway. The purpose of a date for a formal is to have a partner for pictures and dancing. My opinion might be different if the date in question were several hours of one-on-one time. My experience is that going to formal with someone and actually “dating” are completely unrelated. The former does not necessarily or even usually lead to the latter. Of course, my position does rest on the assumption that the evening would be the formal and then a prompt return home.</p>
<p>As a freshman, I had many good friends who were seniors, as did pretty much everyone else I knew. Maybe there just isn’t much grade segregation at my HS? Senior-freshman relationships aren’t unusual…nor are they any more or less successful or sexual than senior-senior relationships or relationships of any other kind.</p>
<p>I am a senior and no, not every guy is ‘trying to get into so and so’s pants’</p>
<p>Jesus, I feel so stereotyped!</p>
<p>have 3 boys, all football players, 2 daughters…all a year apart</p>
<p>dds did not “date” in high school, but attended prom, homecoming, winter formal, middle dd went with a “date” and bro went along with his date. And as another poster mentioned it never became an issue at home, never got farther than the football field or locker room. Never.</p>
<p>DD went 3000 miles away to college this year, and she has been asked out more than she ever knew possible!!! And she still talks to her bros about it and she is still following their advice to wait, take her time, go to class and go to practice. Hard to believe they could have that much influence from that far away.</p>
<p>but to answer the OP’s question, NO. NO. Pretty clear. NO.</p>
<p>boys are 20, 18, 15. dd 19.</p>
<p>Kat</p>
<p>Good lord, this is frightening, let your kids out of the basement, they have the ability to make good judgements if given the chance! And if they make bad choices, who cares!?!? Kids are supposed to make mistakes!</p>
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Even though I am not automatically against this “date,” I strongly disagree with this statement. A parent has every obligation to stop their kid from getting into a dangerous situation. If a young girl goes with to a dance with a senior boy, and he ends up drugging and raping her, then you have a very serious problem. Rape is horrendous and, in a situation like this, a possibility. A parent needs to make absolutely every attempt possible to make sure that this does not happen. If something serious happens, this is not a “who cares!?!?” kind of deal. Some situations have very real conequences that parents need to be aware of and help prevent.</p>
<p>^OK but that’s really taking it to the extreme. Using that logic, every boy is a potential rapist. Are 18 year olds any more inclined to rape than 16 year olds? I don’t have any data to prove it, but I doubt it, she could just as easily be taken to the dance by a sophomore who drugs and rapes her. My point is, by all accounts this seems to be a nice kid, so who cares? If this was some random guy she met on the street I’d be more suspicious, but it seems pretty innocuous.</p>
<p>As mom of a very mature, responsible, polite, all-the-moms-love-him senior boy, I vote “NO”. Too much difference in age, orientation, interests, and drives. I would not allow my son to date a girl that young. My senior son is 18. Fourteen is too young for 18, period…and vice versa. Just asking for trouble, no matter how good the kids are.</p>
<p>The problem lies in the social expectations of the age group attending the function. If most of the kids at the function are 16 or older then the expectations will be beyond the expectations of the young woman. Regardless of how gentlemanly the fellow is, what is happening around them might not be appropriate for the young woman. That has to be calculated into any decision about whether the young woman should attend the event. I am not old-fashioned, I am realistic. The social scale has changed a lot and kids are doing more things earlier and earlier, so it would not be unrealistic for this young lady to see some relatively advanced behavior occuring between say a senior couple.</p>
<p>I would rather parents be on the conservative side for the young lady’s sake. There is plenty of time to date. Fourteen in my humble opinion is really too young for dating that far up. And a young man who values her feelings should be extra sure that she would be protected in the social situation.</p>
<p>The father is doing his job; he is protectiing his daughter, who is still a young girl. The senior boy may be a great guy, but the age difference, especially at that stage of development is just too great to be ignored.</p>
<p>It is not at all extreme. </p>
<p>First of all, every adult (including older teens) is a potential rapist. That is kind of the definition of the word “potential.” I was not speaking of this situation specifically, just the situation in general of an older boy asking out a much younger girl. I was not suggesting that eighteen year olds are more likely to rape than sixteen year olds (though I very stongly suspect this is the case) but that an eighteen year old is more likely to rape a fourteen year old than another eighteen year old. </p>
<p>Parents do need to protect their kids, and this father seems to be doing the best he can to protect his daughter, as he should.</p>
<p>A no vote here for most of the reasons already covered. Our rule went one further: No dating at all during freshman year (she was 14 for the entire school year). DD had plenty of dances with dates ahead of her during the next three years. She never had a bf in high school as her circle of coed friends tended to run in a pack. She paid me back though. Just two months into her freshman year at college, my barely 18yo darling had acquired her first bf - a turning 23yo senior! I didn’t have a rule to invoke for that one.</p>
<p>As a freshman in high school, I dated two senior boys, one of whom I knew from church choir and the other of whom I met in marching band. They were wonderful, religious, respectful guys.</p>
<p>Somewhat ironically, they were far more moral and respectful of me than was the junior boy I dated as a senior three years later. </p>
<p>The age difference shouldn’t be the primary worry, and I think outlawing relationships with seniors misses the point.</p>
<p>IMHO there is a vast difference between attending a winter formal and carrying on a long-term, involved “dating relationship.” I can understand the reticence about a serious dating relationship between a senior boy and a freshman girl but have more difficulty understanding why attending one dance should be such an issue. ~berurah</p>
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<p>Yeah, but those are three pretty big years. I mean, is it okay for 9th grade boys to date 6th grade girls? Or how about 6th grade boys and 3rd grade girls? It’s only three years, guys.</p>
<p>The older you get the smaller the gulf that is represented by 3 years. A 26 year old guy and a 23 year old woman are pretty much the same age. But there is a maturity line that gets crossed during the high school years. You start high school as a young kid and end it as an adult. So here we are talking about a date between a girl barely into high school and a man nearly ready for college –> he may have already gotten the EA decision. That’s a pretty big gap.</p>
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<p>Because the latter can often lead to the former.</p>
<p>Trust your Son.</p>
<p>I have a little sister myself and I don’t think I would NEVER allow any of my fellow classmates to take the Sister on a dance.</p>
<p>If the Son says the ‘suitor is a fine boy’, he really must be such.</p>
<p>What unethical Older Brother would allow his little sister go to a winter formal with a jerk? :P</p>
<p>Sister to four brothers, work in construction industry with hundreds of men, live in a fraternity(two sons) and I’m with interesteddad. </p>
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<p>Haha, good one.</p>
<p>Don’t know about BANNING but I throw water on 3 year age differences in high school–no matter what the gender. I might make the conditions too onerous to digest; ie mother will drive you to the dance; father and brothers will pick you up form dance. No after parties. </p>
<p>I knew a freshman who had seniors visiting him at home. Turned out the seniors were selling him acid and E. Not cool. Forget about the girl’s perspective–why would any senior boy want to date a 14 year old girl? None of the reasons are appealing.</p>
<p>I’m always surprised when I hear about seniors dating freshmen. It just doesn’t seem as if they’d have much in common. I’m a junior, and the kids in my grade basically see the 9th graders as “children”–and that’s only a two year difference. People change so much, even between sophomore and junior year.</p>
<p>I’m sort of repulsed by the idea of it…but at the same time, I tend to think that strict parental rules are usually unproductive. (My parents never laid down rules for dating, but then I was never the kind of pretty girl that popular seniors ask on dates.) I’m conflicted… which probably isn’t much help here, I’ll admit.</p>