<p>sure you can say every adult is a potential rapist… but adults (and children) have the potential for anything. I agree that every adult is a potential rapist… I have friends (more than one) who haved been raped (one even by her own father)… but you know what, I have three times as many friends who have been killed in car accidents caused by other people or by themselves. or friends who have committed suicide. in that case, everyone has the potential to be killed while driving a car, riding in a car, etc. If we don’t let girls date guys because they have the potential of being raped, then we shouldn’t let them ride in a car, or drive in a car, or even ride a bike on a sidewalk (i had a friend who died doing that as well). </p>
<p>and as for would i allow a 9th grade guy to date a 6th grade girl? i’ve stated this before, it’s an individual basis. i personally don’t feel that 6th grade girls are ready to be dating. if that’s a mature 6th grade girl, and i trusted the guy, then sure it’s fine. and as for the 6th grade boy and the 3rd grade girl, that falls into the same catagory as being too young for dating. however as far as that age group goes, it probably involves playing on the playground at school. (my judgement is slightly skewed as 6th grade is part of elementary school here, and 9th grade is part of junior high as i mentioned before)</p>
<p>like i stated before, i just dont’ think its right to rule out something based on age. i know plenty of very mature 14 year olds. I know plenty of very immature 14 year olds. I know plenty of very mature 17/18 year olds, and plenty of immature 17/18 year olds. (i was a supervisor at an amusement park during my summers in college so i know a lot of younger kids) It all depends on the person.</p>
<p>My parents always let me make my own decisions on things like this and use my own judgement. I dated a 20 year old when i was 16. we dated for about 9 months then broke up. I started dating a 19 year old when I was 17, and we’re still together. I’ll be 23 in about two weeks. I personally have always found most guys my age to be very immature, and most of my friends are a few years older than myself because of this. I didn’t really start making friends with guys my age till college.</p>
<p>Sigh… I really don’t understand the knee jerk, one-rule-fits-all reactions. I go with - depends on the kids, depends on the circumstances.</p>
<p>My d’s high school has a prom for juniors/seniors - my daughter has attended every year since 9th grade, when she went with a junior. They were not dating - just good friends. All through high school all of my daughter’s friends tended to be older or in more advanced grades – this year is going to be the tough one, now that she is a senior and most of her friends have graduated. </p>
<p>The big question for me was when my d. was 16 and met some guy around 22 who wanted to date her – I didn’t give an absolute no, but was very much relieved when she decided on her own that the guy was too old. I am glad I didn’t freak out or forbid it, because soon after my d. confided in me that a good friend of hers was in a serious dating relationship with a guy that age and concealing it from her parents. (Fortunately they have since broken up). </p>
<p>That’s the part that scares me: a daughter sneaking around to conceal some relationship. I figured all along that whatever I wanted, my little girl was going to grow into a young woman sooner or later, and I would rather be the guiding, trusted parent giving sage advice than the clueless parent left in the dark. My daughter did think the article I clipped from Seventeen magazine online about the perils of dating older guys and left casually lying around on the coffee table was a bit over the top… but I’ll bet she read it. </p>
<p>When you say no, absolutely, you are conveying the message that you cannot be reasoned with… so there’s no point in trying. Some things warrant that kind of firm, unequivocal NO. But if you are unsure enough about the choices that you need to post on an anonymous message board to get advice… then the answer probably should be, “let’s talk about it.” </p>
<p>For me, that means I get to ask questions and offer opinions, maybe set guidelines, but ultimately my d. makes the choice. What I have ended up with is a d. who really values my advice and tends to follow it even when I’m not there to give it … in other words, the kind of kid who asks herself “what would mom think?” when she’s off on her own. Doesn’t mean the kid is perfect, but she tends to make choices that are well within my comfort zone. When she decided not to date the 22 year old, it was because the issues had been exhaustively explored, and she figured out on her own why it wasn’t such a good idea.</p>
<p>I, too, know many people who have been raped at different ages and in different circumstances, including one similar to this situation. I was better friends with the boy than the girl.</p>
<p>Did you read my other posts on this topic? All I was was objecting to was the statement:
I was pointing out that there can be consequences more severe than the ones the poster seemed to be contemplating, and parents had to protect their kids from such situations. He stated that rape is an extreme case with extreme people, and I was pointing out that it is more commonplace than he realized.</p>
<p>I didn’t read your edited post before I typed this, so excuse me for any inconsistencies. My first post on this topic was #15, which it doesn’t sound like you read.</p>
<p>the parents that just said “no” are tools and never got laid during their years. they prob have small dicks and insecurities with the way they live. all they want to do is see their young daughter walking around breathing, naked at home - with them. alone. sexually.</p>
<p>Another thing to consider: will she have other friends there. My daughter went to the school formal as a sophomore with another sophomore. After a few dances, the guys hung around with their friends and the girls hung out with their friends. She really did not spend a lot of time with her "date:</p>
<p>For the record, I wouldn’t be worried about a rape at a formal dance. I just wouldn’t want the dance to serve as a springboard to a relationship that I had major reservations about. All relationships begin somewhere. Hence my original “nose of the camel” comment.</p>
<p>as someone not too far removed from senior year in high school, I can say this. If a senior in high school is asking a freshman to prom, there are 2 possibilities, either 1) he’s a creepy kid who likes to take advantage of young girls or 2) he’s a loser who can’t get a date. I highly doubt that he can genuinely “like” her since they’ve had almost NO interaction (unless you’re daughter is a genius in senior classes, or the guys a moron still in frosh classes). If i was the girl i think i’d say no. Can’t he find someone his own age? 3 years is a big difference when you’re talking 14 17 (or even worse 14 18). We’re not talking 40,44 here. But then again, if the brother O.K.'d it I guess hes not going to do anything to her (especially if the brother is BIG). But still…what senior asks a freshman to prom?</p>
<p>I have to say I agree with jags
since this isn’t someone she has been going out with- or that the parents know- it doesn’t sound like they have much of a prior relationship.
Possibly someone the boy has seen in the hall and for whatever reason didn’t ask a girl from his own class or slightly younger- but why?
Is it because the girls in his own class won’t go out with him? Is it because he thinks he can easily impress someone 4 years younger?
Or is it because he really likes her and wants to use this as a way to get to know her better without the advantages of being in same classes?
Yes her brother thinks he is OK- but I dont know either boy- so I don’t necessarily put a lot of weight on that.
What I would be concerned about would be that before or after dance- the couple stops off where “older” activities may be going on, and feel pressured to join.
If that isn’t likely to happen, I wouldn’t have a problem with it- but I would make sure that my D wants to go with this boy, and not just impressed because he is “older”</p>
<p>I find this thread very strange. Tons of seniors (ok not tons, but enough to make it legitimate) in my school date freshman girls. Could this be because I go to a small boarding school where everybody knows each other? I was under the impression that this was MORE prevalent in public high schools, but the trend is this thread indicates that this is not the case.</p>
<p>I attended a junior high - which was one of about 3 that fed to the high school. In fall of 10th gd- I only knew other 10th graders, by spring I knew a few upper classmen, and in the summer I met even more.
When the class is large- we had about 400 in each class- students are kept pretty entertained by meeting other students who attended other junior high schools, but are still in same grade.
at a small boarding school, dating in your class may seem incestous, hence the mixed couples.
My daughter at a large school, knows upperclassmen through sport teams, but girls not boys, most of her classes are single grade, and in the ones that aren’t the seniors pretty much stick to themselves.</p>
<p>a freshman may be intrigued by seniors who have access to cars and other things that boys her age don’t. But the seniors both boys and girls often seem to consider themselves practically adults and a girl who just last year was attending school with 11 year olds ( if she attended a middle school), might find the glamour of dating someone who will be working/attending college next year to be very attractive, but she also might find herself over her head.</p>
<p>Like I posted- I went out with a senior who I had only seen in the hall, he was a BMOC, had a MG and was very charming.
However, he wasn’t interested in me at all, he was inbetween girlfriends, but was too egotistical to either stay home from the dance or go alone. he also had certain “expectations”, luckily when he asked me if " I was on the pill", he backed off when I clearly had no idea what he was really asking. He did take me home when that response ended our after party excursion, but from the winks and nods from his peers for the rest of the school year, I have a feeling that he didn’t share my naivete with his friends.</p>
<p>A less mature senior boy’s level of social interaction could be matched by a freshman girl. Perhaps he met her through the brother,doesnt date much (or at all) feels pressure to have a date for the formal and is asking someone hes already comfortable with.
Having both a D and S, my inclination might be to say ok but make the restrictions on the “date” fit the freshman D’s level,not the senior’s.That means…no after parties,no group sleepover’s at someones house afterwards,etc.Perhaps a supervised ride to the formal with her big brother…that makes sure they actually arrive at the dance?</p>
<p>Jags took my words exactly. If the bro says he’s ok, then the kid in question is probably a total loser (hence making him harmless and OK) who couldn’t get a date.</p>
<p>Total losers are not automatically ‘okay’; ie meek, mild and harmless. Don’t you watch crime dramas for goodness sakes?</p>
<p>I too know a small day/boarding school where seniors date freshman because, frankly, there aren’t enough available sexual partners for the seniors. That fact is considered one of the big downsides for families considering private secondary schools and most families, including ours, give that school a miss for that reason.</p>
<p>As a college sophomore, looking back on this situation, I could really go either way. When I was a HS frosh, I got invited to homecoming with a senior boy; my parents said no. We ended up friends, and he didn’t take it personally that they felt the need to protect me. On the other hand, two of my friends went with senior boys. One had a really great time, ended up dating the guy, yada yada. The other felt pressured to do things she wasn’t ready for; not a great situation.</p>
<p>That said, I think it says a lot that your son thinks favorably of the senior boy. I would invite the senior boy over for dinner (nothing formal, just pizza with the family), and get a personal opinion on him there. If he strikes you as a friendly guy with good intentions…then yes, age is just a number. But if he refuses, or makes excuses, or something rubs you the wrong way, say no. Your D will understand, and you’ll have done the parental duty.</p>
<p>You have to go by grade not age, I have a D who skipped a grade and then, after we moved, ended up in an area where her birthday was after the cutoff, as a senior, she was the age of most sophomores, but she had spent the time growing with her class and no one would have guessed her age! I was very aware of the potential age differences and tried to always keep her to same grade dating. The years of age difference are less significant than the years of experience difference.</p>
<p>Our private HS had a mixer formal where the 11th & 12th graders invited 8th/9th/10th graders and that was fine. In this case, it would seem to depend on the circumstances, but other than the mixer, where every one is hosting a younger student, why does a senior want to spend the evening with a freshman girl???</p>
<p>My d certainly does not go to a grade-segregated high school like some of you are describing. She knew and socialized with seniors during her freshman year - and had some classes with seniors as well. Certainly she got to know seniors well through her participation in the school musical. Maybe it is just her involvement in the arts: there is no age/grade segregation in terms of the roles students assume in school theater productions, dance, choir, or orchestra - its mostly about talent & level of ability, sometimes about physical size or looking the part in dance and theater. </p>
<p>Prom dates at my kids high schools aren’t always about romance/sex/dating either. My son took 2 girls to his senior prom -they were friends, not dates. One year my daugher went to her school prom with another girl – again, just friends. </p>
<p>I feel very sorry for any person who writes off a senior who asks a 9th grader to the prom as a “loser who can’t get a date.” Actually, I feel pretty sorry for any kids stuck attending high schools where kids are branded as “losers” based on their social lives. Yuck.</p>
<p>JUst because JAG never got ■■■■■ doesn’t mean a senior wouldn’t want to hang out with a fresh…all you people are tools
let them fu-ck…she wants DICK, she DOES…and give me her # too</p>
<p>if you dont get, ■■■■■ you are a “loser”…you can be cool, but if you dont have enough confidence to stick it into a dumb-witted blonde, you’re a tool.</p>