@cityran I hope your daughter starts to feel more comfortable soon. I also agree with @gardenstategal that it is not uncommon for kids to dump their negative feelings on us and then go on happily with their day. They do this all along, but when they are home, we can see that they actually are ok. When they are absent, all we have is the negative report to make us worry! Most of the time, they are doing far better than their negative report would lead us to believe. Our school actually had a psychologist do a zoom for new parents and she talked about exactly that: kids using parents as “emotional trash cans.” They dump their fear, anxiety, worry, negative thoughts on us and doing so makes THEM feel much better! Of course it makes us feel worse. She advised us to just be there, and to really listen. Sometimes our kids feel better just knowing their are heard and loved. And being able to vent and dump their emotional garbage on us really does help them feel better. Hopefully your daughter is leaving her tough conversations with you and then engaging or relaxing or doing all the other things she may need to do to get comfortable in her new place. Big hugs to you, though. It is so very hard to be the receptacle of the emotional garbage.
I just returned home after dropping off DS with his quarantine family. We cleaned out storage and I was a pack mule bringing as much winter stuff home as possible. Thank goodness for Southwest.
They are still remote with belonging drop-off tomorrow and move-in Next weekend. He’s been given the mandate of providing me with the last dorm room move-in photo
In many ways, this one was the hardest. Although I remained dry-eyed, the dread had been lingering for some time and I just have a sense of emptiness. It was so nice to have him home for so long.
Although I already miss him like crazy, here’s to hoping they stay on campus until Thanksgiving!
@Golfgr8
I agree with you that schools are thinking of the school rather than the individual student. We have boarders and day students, although all students were given the option of a 100% virtual term. All on campus students had to give up ANY and ALL outside activities. When you are giving a teenager the choice between school in person and their club sport that they plan to play in college??? I’m sorry but that isn’t a case of entitled parents (as someone suggested in response to your comment) that is like ripping my kid’s arm off.
I have found that the one thing that is turning out better than I feared is the social aspect of school. My kid says most of the kids hang out outside so that socially it’s been ok vs. boarders going off on their own which is what it was like on social media before day students were allowed on campus.
I am confused by the liability aspect. If we are sending our kids to school do we not acknowledge the risk and accept it? If peope start suing schools I dearly hope those people are told by courts to cut it out.
Sending virtual hugs to you all who have dropped off their kids over the past couple of weeks. Some of you have drop off next month.
Thank you to the parents on this thread who have offered support to each other, as well as to your kids. Your DM comments further served to validate that there should be productive dialogue, authenticity and supportIve feedback on this thread.
Yes @one1ofeach - it’s a very difficult decision for students to make in returning to campus and knowing that (for some) they will have to give up sports for this Fall term. Also, there seems to be day students from many schools participating in club sports this term. How can the best re-entry plans succeed if some students are participating in outside sports and traveling beyond campus to play/practice with a team? We know 2 boys who transferred to schools closer to home so that they can become day students and also play with their club team.
What would you suggest BSs do differently, without exposing the school community?
I hear some parents complaining, but not offering safe and viable alternatives.
At the risk of taunting the covid gods, I wanted to report what Cate reported last night as to how all the East Coast brother and sister schools were doing.
90% have kids on campus now, and things seem to be going well. Kids are healthy, adjusting, doing most things outside, and they systems in place seem to be working. Everyone is happy to have the kids back.
They also said how much they have benefited by the collaborative process of all of the schools working together to figure out solutions and expressed their gratitude for those schools who opened first and shared their experiences.
It made my heart grow two sizes! 
Our drop off is next week. Thank you to everyone- parents and schools and students for hanging in there and making the sacrifices - hopefully we are on a road to recovery now, together.
I am letting myself get a little bit excited!
I think that with a plan to test twice a week there is almost no risk associated with allowing kids off campus in a limited way. Unfortunately for me perhaps, I know too many scientists and they all firmly belive that schools (at least the schools we are familiar with) are overblowing the risks by miles. Where we live the kids have been playing sports all summer with zero cases of covid.
For the most part parental opinions/solutions/alternatives are not sought and often actively rejected so there is really nothing for us to do. I am not going to get my kids school to realize that they are analyzing risk incorrectly and they certainly aren’t going to listen to me when I suggest something different. LOL. That is the old BS cynic in me - but honestly neither of my kids’ schools have ever listened to parents about anything.
What would I suggest schools do differently and/or what they can do? I can only speak for a couple of schools I know about at this time…
- Make it optional to attend school in person - not mandatory for students in the USA - give families a choice. Maybe the kid would prefer to pay the tuition of a day students and just take courses online. Forcing all US students to come to school even if they are not comfortable or maybe feel more vulnerable - is just not cool - I know some BS’s have done this.
- Close the campus - this means that day students and/or faculty kids should not be coming and going onto campus. Does not make sense that you isolate your boarding students, but let day students & fac students come and go as they please! Really? Your faculty students And day students at some schools (not all) are going to hockey practice, lax tournaments or prospect camps (at least as of a couple weeks ago), club practice, and fast food places but you are making the boarders isolate in their rooms for 2 weeks? That is the weak link, IMO. We know day students and fac-kids going to club hockey, club lax, travel soccer. If your school prohibits boarders from doing club/travel, then day students should not be going to the hockey practice and going back on campus. Sorry - and believe me, I am a huge hockey fan.
- Be honest about online courses....like if you really know that the students will be taking online courses for 2 weeks or more AFTER arriving on campus, just be honest about up front so kids can mentally prepare for it.
- We know students who have transferred to BS’s in CT and MA that are closer to their homes so that they can be day students who play for their clubs,
- Do provide extra waters to your kid If they are going back on campus as boarders. Schools need to provide students with more than one bottle of water with each meal. Also, try to provide hot coffee, cider, cocoa or tea to students in a safe way. Many kids are reporting cold meals for over a week.
- Schools need to provide more than 30 minutes per day of outdoor time during that first week of isolation. Some schools are more strict than others, I know,
- It’s been our experience that the kids who have returned are just happy to be back on campus and in proximity to friends - even with the isolation. Not all kids, however, can emotionally prepare for the isolation - especially first year students who don’t yet have friends. I think schools need to offer more social support. This differs between schools. Hats off to those schools who have been super creative - like having outdoor movies, S’Mores, Bon fires, and BBQ’s and outdoor activities. It’s been our experience that this has differed between schools and even within each campus!
Well, the SMS kids have been doing a happy dance…the school decided since they went hybrid (remote/day/boarding) that they will suspend business casual dress this year. Break out the tshirts, yoga pants and athletic shorts!
@buuzn03
LOL, the silver thread (can’t say it’s a whole lining)!
Some might say that the dropping of the Latin requirement is also a silver thread, also reduction of # of classes kids are expected/allowed to take.
Just curious, is your school past the quarantine period and full speed ahead and if so how do things look like? Are all classes in person now? What activities are available and allowed? What happens on Sundays (I assume most schools closed campus so no trips to town are allowed like ours, but maybe not the case)? Are they playing sports and if so which ones and with what restrictions? I know most schools are not in this stage yet, but pretty sure SPS is and probably others. Any insight?
Yes to both of these points. I think some of the schools (my daughter’s included) forgot to take the “whole child” into account when setting up their covid plans. The kids quarantined have pretty much been incarcerated in their dorm rooms with very little time outside. The school has so many layers of protection in place, and yet they still felt the need to restrict the students’ movement. It’s overkill. And these restrictions did in fact vary by dorm, which is unfair, especially since the freshman dorm had the strictest rules. This is the first time away from home for many of these kids, and I don’t believe they got the support, freedom, social interaction and fresh air that they needed. Even the most well balanced adult would have had a difficult time making it through.
We are hoping she sees each new freedom as something to celebrate, but I do worry the school did too much damage to her in her first week. Had we known how restricted they would be, we would have had her quarantine with family in the state instead of sending her to school.
Having said all of that, now that week one is done, we ARE seeing a huge change in activities offered. Outdoor movies, dorm walks etc, I just wish they were doing these things from day one, especially since other dorms were.
I try not to judge too harshly because I would not want to be in the position of any of these school administrators, but we have definitely been disappointed with many of the decisions made.
@Golfgr8 - I hadn’t thought about water. Very good point.
What are some of the weird little rules your school has implemented? Eg - kiddo has a double. But they aren’t allowed to bunk the beds, so not all the furniture fits. There will be a dresser in the hallway.
We have been told to bring camp chairs. Plus students should expect to get a lot of use of wide brimmed hats (yeah that will happen), sun screen, sun glasses, long underwear and sleeping bags. They bought 200 Adirondack chairs.
The gyms are closed, so the work out equipment is on one of the fields. Kids need to sign up for work out slots Throughout the day, and can do so during their free periods. They apparently set up a frisbee golf course throughout campus.
Re: weird rules:
Students may only use one assigned sink / shower / toilet, and they have designated shower times.
No one may enter anyone else’s dorm room, heads of house included, for the entire fall term.
And one particular dog is not allowed to be pet by students bcs the pet’s owner fears it will spread covid.
Common room / kitchen garbages may not be used.
RE: water:
Students fill up bottles at the water fountain (one of the only things they may do freely and without permission). I’m not sure if they’re given bottled water with meals, but I know there had previously been a huge push to eliminate single use water bottles on campus. The dorm kitchens do have a supply of sodas, seltzers and snacks for the kids as vending machines may not be used (which also falls under the weird rules category).
Similar situation to @cityran in many ways:
The first week to 10 days of school had the following:
- Most of day/night isolated in dorm room with 30- minute supervised outdoor time and a couple of walks to either get tested or pick up packages. This varied greatly by dorm - so some other parent may report more outdoor time. Our kiddo’s dorm had very little outdoor time and this was tough.
- No access to kitchen or snack areas - not open in our kid’s sphere. Many of the common areas are closed. No access to extra snacks or waters but there have been some late night snacks provided.
- Our school had a staggered start - so some kids have been there almost a full 2 weeks, while others have been there for @ 10 days.
- Assigned shower times and wash-up times.
- No use of laundry room the first week - maybe now is ok.
- We also packed extra disposable cutlery and a roll of paper towels. This has come in handy - as there is no access yet to dining hall and some kids like to have their own plastic forks/spoons and cups.
- Testing (spit test) done 3 days prior to arrival, upon arrival and then @ day 6 after arrival. Students will be tested @ weekly.
- Good gift - school gave each student their own camping chair which can be used for outdoor classes, outdoor gatherings & dining.. If your school is not providing chairs, it might be a good idea to bring a small beach chair just to sit on for outdoor activities.
- The first couple of weeks of school the students received meals in their rooms, now students will begin dining under outdoor tents.
- Some kid we know has a small coffee machine and he is super popular now!
My son’s experience has been very good at Hotchkiss. As is typical for all of my sons, I don’t get many communications, so have no idea about the granular detail some of you know.
I do know Hotchkiss gave every kid a lawn chair so when they sat outside to eat etc they could sit in a chair. They have had pods of ?5 or 6? that can be together, and each pod has a designated area outside where they can hang out etc. I do not know if the quarantine period is over; they did discover an asymptomatic case the first week due to their own testing (everyone came back to campus with a negative test within the previous 7 days).
Hotchkiss is doing much of what @Golfgr8 listed as what she would want to see in a school. The main thing they are not doing, though, is banning day students. There still are day students, but those kids absolutely cannot do club sports or outside activities. They did offer the choice of being remote or coming back to school to every family. There are 63 remote learners. I do know some international kids came back for in person school.
So far, it is going well. My son is incredibly busy, despite the changes this year. Good luck to everyone as we navigate our way through this with the schools.
@cinnamon1212 - is the golf course open at Hotchkiss? Can the students play golf? Just dreaming…
As I said, I know very few granular details – including the golf course situation. I believe it is open to the public, but no idea about students.
I agree with your list, @Golfgr8. DD’s school is doing “everything right” in my opinion. Still, the two week quarantine has been hard for her, and apparently on others too. They get outside a fair amount, and have had activities from movies to “speed-friending” to walks, yoga, etc. Great snacks, in-room fridges provided, all of the “right things.” Dashboard online showing updated test results. And still: HARD.
One more week until the 2-week period is over. Wondering exactly how that will improve things for the kids. Can’t come soon enough.
I thought it was surprising - Cate won’t do remote learning for anyone once quarantine is lifted. All international students must be on campus. No option for remote learning for day students.
There are a couple of students who have travel challenges, and they are working out what do do for them.
The thought was that they can do remote learning well OR in person well, but not both at the same time well. So they are committed to in person learning and adapting the campus accordingly. If it doesn’t work, then they go back to remote learning in dorm rooms again, I guess.
I don’t think youth sports are allowed yet in California, across the board. Could be wrong. But there has been no mention of club sports by the school, and no one has asked. The day students have gotten the directive to stay home during quarantine, and the local families are feeling the pressure of being perceived as the weak link. That’s a lot of psychic burden to put on people. If it doesn’t work, they would figure out a way for day students to board, not send boarding students home, if at all possible.
The upside of the state/Cate rigidity is that there is one set of rules and one set of standards that applies. That clarity is helpful, even if it doesn’t make sense for any individual school or person.
ETA: one outdoor activity mentioned above that definitely won’t be happening? Bonfires. Don’t know whether to laugh or cry.