<p>It just shocks me that there is this trend (it seems suddenly) where people have no problem (and no pride) asking others to help pay for things that they feel they are entitled to!<br>
I don’t have a problem with asking people, in lieu of gifts to contribute to a honeymoon fund. I think people are happy to have the choice made for them and happy to contribute what they can as a gift. I have no problem with the money dance. An Armenian friend of mine had one at her wedding. All in good fun. But I have a real problem with the outstretched hand asking for charity to pay for a wedding (or a chess camp, party, tuition, car, etc…)</p>
<p>I don’t see the big deal. I wouldn’t do it, but if someone wants to do it, and people are willing to contribute - why not? They are not hurting anyone. There are worse things in the world - no one is forced to contribute.</p>
<p>^^^ Yes, obviously people are free to complain. <em>I</em> just think it’s not a big deal. They asked people for money for their wedding. So what?</p>
<p>And, people are donating. That’s the part that baffles me. But, as long as people are giving stuff away there will be no shortage of willing takers who don’t care at all if it’s tacky. And, who can blame them, really?</p>
<p>The article said that they encouraged people to donate in place of gifts. If I were going to a wedding, I would have no problem donating to the wedding rather than getting the couple a gift.</p>
<p>Asking for money vs gifts is not what the article described and is not crowd funding. The first is not unusual and can be part of the invitation, the latter is plainly outrageous AND just another sign of the entitlement of our generation. </p>
<p>We want something we cannot afford but will not wait nor work for it. A 26 year unemployed should cancel the COST of the wedding or reduce it to very little. Or wait to find the maturity that will tell him how silly it is to beg from frivolous expenses and make a mockery of a system that is supposed to be meaningful. </p>
<p>What is next? Funding the baptism? The anniversary trip to Brazil? </p>
<p>I can’t articulate why, but giving a cash gift intended to help with the honeymoon (a night at a hotel or a fancy dinner at the resort or whatever) feels qualitatively different to me than giving a cash gift intended to pay for something at the wedding itself. Maybe someone else can articulate the difference. </p>
<p>Perhaps because the cash gift has a more tangible and personal undertone (the dinner or the hotel to be used by the groom and bride) than a mere participation in the cost that will shared by everyone, including yourself if you happen to attend. But I agree that the perception is a bit clouded. </p>
<p>I might be wrong, but I’m willing to bet that the folks who don’t have an issue with crowd funding a wedding/honeymoon are probably under 40 and those who think it’s tacky are over 40. </p>
<p>Here’s how I see the difference. When I’m invited to a wedding, I give a gift to the wedding couple. I’m the one who decides what to give. No one is asking me for cash directly. Sure, there’s an assumption that if you’re an invitee, you give the couple a gift–but it’s up to you what to give. Asking for $$ outright, which is what seems to be more common now than in the past, just seems tacky to me. The wedding couple isn’t giving me a choice. Something about that bothers me. I have no trouble writing a check and I don’t care how the couple spends it.
I see nothing wrong with big weddings. My view is that those who are hosting should pay for the event and not ask their guests to do so. Same thing with a honeymoon.</p>
<p>I’m just explaining why I’m asking for money from the perspective of someone who is doing it (for honeymoon): </p>
<p>I am graduating the beginning of May. I am getting married the first weekend of June. We are packing up the house and selling it during May and June. I am applying for jobs and PhD programs and likely will not hear back from them until at least March. The invitations are going out in January/February because it’s a semi-destination wedding. I have NO idea where I’ll be living the week after the wedding (so I can’t even tell people to send it to my new city- which will likely be far out of state). The last thing I want to do is pack up my car with a bunch of stuff while we’re already packing up the house. Plus, since I’m getting married 4 hours away from where I currently live, I’ll have to transport all of that stuff back home with me- something I can’t do in my itty bitty car. </p>
<p>If that bothers people, so be it. Don’t give me anything- I don’t care. I’m inviting you because I want you there and not your money. What I’m asking from you is to make my life easier and not give me a bunch more stuff to take back “home” with me and then will have to transport to my new home- especially when I almost certainly already have it because I live in a fully furnished house and have been living with my fiance for nearly 4 years. </p>
<p>^^^ Question, Bromfield - what if you have absolutely no interest in people buying you ‘stuff’, like China or kitchen appliances or anything else? Do you think the peson should just write “no gifts” - is that the best way to go?</p>
<p>It DOES seem kind of a waste to me, people spending (in some cases) hundreds of dollars on things I don’t want/need just because it’s traditional to give this for a wedding. I would much rather they spend that money to give a piece of the honeymoon (but apparently that’s tacky too, according to some posters here). I have no problem with people not giving a gift. But if they do choose to give one, it does seem silly that all this money is supposed to go to household items, when the bride and groom may not want them (or other ‘stuff’) at all. </p>
<p>Personally, if I were going to a wedding, I would rather the couple ask for what they want, be it a honeymoon or even wedding financing. The way I see it, I am going to spend that $50, $100, $200 one way or the other - I want to give something that the couple wants (even if it’s just a check), not something that makes me feel good or makes it fun for me to shop for stuff.</p>
<p>Actually, they are. People who greedily and shamelessly ask for money to pay for their whims drive generous donors away from giving money to other people who need it. I’m not going to go to GoFundMe to donate, if I think it’s full of entitled whiners who want me to pay for their big splashy wedding or their expensive vacation. By not going there, I might miss someone who cause has merit.</p>
<p>^^^I think it’s kind of a stretch to blame this couple (or people like them for this). If the website is only for the needy and for serious life issues, they can make it part of their Terms of Use.</p>
<p>You are free to do that, Cardinal Fang, but at the end of the day, these people have their hands out and there are those who are willing to fill them. </p>
<p>My view on crowdfunding is that it allows those who do not have the means to fund certain objects and events the means to do so. If that’s a wedding, it’s still ok. The couple found a way to pay for the extra seven hundred roses they wanted! Or they were able to rent out the exclusive venue they weren’t able to obtain before. </p>
<p>It doesn’t necessarily scream out “entitled” to me. It’s more “resourceful” than “entitled”. The couple would be considered “entitled” if they demanded their parents to pay for it. They would be “entitled” if their bio was full of things they wanted and felt that they deserved without a drop of graciousness. It’s all in the delivery for me. </p>
<p>^^^Exactly. They are not lying to anyone or trying to guilt anyone. They are being honest and direct.</p>
<p>“Just because you can do or use something, doesn’t mean you should.” <-- I agree. But I am only going to be upset about it if it’s illegal or immoral (lying, cheating, stealing, bullying, etc.) or hurts someone (talking about someone behind their back, etc.). This is none of those.</p>