<p>@acollegestudent, of course, I get that. But the answer is not to beg for money from your guests.</p>
<p>I would love to do my kids’ weddings in the way Consolation described. But I am a creative person anyway and am not afraid to make prom corsages or decorate rooms inexpensively for parties. I can see how the prospect of piecing everything together would be daunting for some people, though. And the idea of baking terrifies me.</p>
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<p>Not in my case, but I can see the point made about the younger than 40/ After all, it is not surprising considering their views on entitlement. </p>
<p>It’s not about entitlement. I don’t think they are entitled to the money. But if they want to ask, that’s their business, and I don’t see it as some grave transgression, as long as they are not defrauding people.</p>
<p>I think these beggars don’t realize that a lot of people are going to think less of them when they degrade themselves to beg for others to give them money so they can throw a big party. If I knew someone who was doing this, I wouldn’t say, “You lazy little weasel, what the heck are you doing asking others to fork over money so you can have a wedding you can’t afford?” </p>
<p>I wouldn’t say that, but I’d think it. And so would a lot of other people that knew them. Word gets around. And certainly any kind of job leads I had would be closed off to this greedy couple, for example. If you mooch, you’ll get the reputation of a moocher.</p>
<p>It’s about entitlement in that they think they are entitled to a big fancy wedding and the fact that they can’t afford it is somehow unfair. So, yeah. Entitled. But my guess is that they would be boasting about their achievement in getting the funding rather than feeling degraded. They have no shame. That’s also part of entitled.</p>
<p>I think some see it as “I will live within my means” vs. “I can’t afford what I’ve always dreamed of, so I’m really hoping others will give these things to me or bridge the gap because I want what I want.” </p>
<p>Some feel weddings are something the bride/groom and their families do for them and share with their “community”, aka “guests,” while others feel their special day is something that is better given to them by others if they can get them to buy into the idea. Different strokes.</p>
<p>Number1 wedding rule: The more money spent the shorter the marriage. (We went to a wedding…750,000…marriage…7 months. The more people the you “must” invite the more stress you have. The more “stuff” you add (suvari chairs with silk pillows) the less people feel comfortable you and your guests </p>
<p>We met the parents early on…Thanksgiving dinner. My house…I don’t remember who called who. Are we best friends? Nope. Will we ever be best friends? Nope. </p>
<p>Pretty judgmental.</p>
<p>^^We all make judgments, every day, whether it’s about getting someone else to pay for extravagant non necessities or about someone looking to give away a pet they feel they can no longer care for, right? We may feel that is wrong, and then we say so, right? It’s a judgment.</p>
<p>H and I did a lot of the things described by Consolation upthread. Our reception was at the parish hall (which, in fairness, was more like a hotel ballroom than cinder blocks and a Bingo board.) My dress was a discontinued sample and we rented the bridesmaids’ gowns. My veil and the bouquets and corsages were made for me as wedding gifts by crafty friends. We did pay top dollar for the photographer, who had shot a lot of weddings at our church, the DJ and the catering. Even so, my dad, God rest his soul, came back from a visit to OOS relatives with a trunk full of liquor for the reception that was much less expensive than if it had been purchased locally (state-controlled liquor sales.) Our wedding was exactly what we all wanted and nobody went broke. </p>
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<p>I’ve never heard of doing that, but it makes perfect sense! In spite of the universal bride guarantee that “you will definitely want to wear MY bridesmaids dresses again since I have such good taste,” the fact of the matter is that most women will never wear them again. What a great way to save money for women who often can little afford the expense of something they never want to see again.</p>
<p>Nrdsb4, EXACTLY what I was thinking. Some people on this forum love to call others judgmental when they themselves are very judgmental on much more minor issues. Exactly my point (I was thinking of the same thread as you).</p>
<p>^^^but in that you have to include yourself, no?</p>
<p>I’ll certainly raise my hand, and as D2 often says, “Guilty.”</p>
<p>My bridesmaids especially. Out of the four of them, one was working on her “PHT”, one had just finished college and was making little more than minimum wage and one was a single mom (I actually paid for her rental for her.) As for the bridesmaids dresses I wore, since I ended up having two boys they found a nice home in the dress-up box at their pre-school. </p>
<p>I am not getting into THAT discussion again (I was SO relieved when that thread died - it made me pretty upset). All I am going to say is that I draw the line for ‘judgmental’ at superficial issues. When something is ethically or morally or legally wrong, I wouldn’t call judging that judgmental. I don’t believe this thread falls into that category, while the other one did.</p>
<p>But setting that aside, to answer your question, yes, I can be judgmental! I am flawed.</p>
<p>Nonetheless, I find all the ‘shaming’ of these poor people on this thread over the top. There have been some pretty vicious things said about what they are or how they should feel about themselves (no, they shouldn’t feel DEGRADED - goodness). I find it disproportionate.</p>
<p>Well, imo judgmental people always find a way to trivialize the judgments of others while deciding that their own are valid.</p>
<p>And those people obviously are not easily shamed or they wouldn’t be asking for handouts for non necessities. There’s no shame in getting help for the essentials in life, but when the outstretched hand seeks 28K for a big celebration, I think they should be ready for some heavy criticism. I personally think they know full well it’s coming but as long as they get what they want, they won’t care. They will shrug off any question of their behavior as people who rationalize easily always tend to do. In other words, nothing said here will hurt them.</p>
<p>You are entitled to your opinion.</p>
<p>Easily shamed or not, that doesn’t excuse all the shaming.</p>
<p>Poor people? LOL. If you can’t afford a 28K wedding you are poor now? OMG!</p>
<p>“Poor people,” as in I feel bad for them getting slammed, not in the financial sense.</p>