<p>Oh, okay. Yeah, I don’t think they care one whit about the slamming as long as they get the money. Why anyone gives it to them is a mystery. But, people do and the site takes a nice cut so I do think this strategy is here to stay.</p>
<p>When people do something shameful, like beg for money because somehow they feel entitled to a big wedding they can’t afford, then they deserve to be shamed and they should be shamed. That’s what shame is for.</p>
<p>^^^It’s amazing how many dubious causes can generate donations from the overly compassionate and the gullible. I wonder how many kind people donate to questionable causes who really can’t spare the money? It’s like the late night televangelists who were really good at separating trusting (and often elderly) people from their money with very carefully crafted entreaties. The internet has made it even easier to do.</p>
<p>Perhaps the concept of a “dream wedding” plays a part…</p>
<p>(And when I say perhaps, I mean it does…)</p>
<p>^^^^^You often hear people (usually women) say, “I’ve dreamed about this day since I was a little child.” Do those dreams of “perfect” and “dreamy” extend to the actual marriage?</p>
<p>I have to wonder why that is…</p>
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<p>They should have thought about that before making their decisions public. Nobody forced them to organize a begging campaign or participate in its further disclosure with the media. The surest way to protect yourself from opiniated and judgmental people is to keep a low profile. This is the same old story that appears when people discuss their college process and outcome. </p>
<p>Those folks put themselves on a public tee and they -or you- cannot complain when others take a swing at it! It was their choice to raise the funds in such a way, and mine to call them entitled or tacky. Why should we refrain to express what we think about this without … hypocrisy? </p>
<p>I actually had NO dreams (or nightmares) about my wedding, before or after the event. I had hoped to have a wonderful partner and my extended family and folks near and dear to us present to celebrate the happy event. That was all that I cared about. Honestly, I would have been happy with a picnic in the park, which is what my cousin did–hers was a potluck. She and I are both happily married to our respective partners now over 2 decades later. </p>
<p>Focusing on the trappings instead of the partnership seems to be rather “wrong-headed” to me, but I guess there are many who feel otherwise, which is why these bride magazines, shows and other events flourish!</p>
<p>“Those folks put themselves on a public tee and they -or you- cannot complain when others take a swing at it! It was their choice to raise the funds in such a way, and mine to call them entitled or tacky. Why should we refrain to express what we think about this without … hypocrisy?”</p>
<p>I am not saying people don’t have a right to disagree. And I am certainly all for honesty. It’s the way things are said and the intensity. You can disagree with someone, but there is a different between disagreement and shaming.</p>
<p>@acollegestudent --Thank you! You’ve reminded me that I am trying to get away from that shaming judgmentalism towards people doing things differently from how I would, when, as you say, there is no deceitful, immoral, or unethical activity here.</p>
<p>Their method my not be my cup of tea, but it doesn’t hurt anyone and is just a different approach to life. That doesn’t mean it’s better or worse than mine. The idea of “shame” because someone makes different decisions than me, again, not in a way that hurts, cheats, or otherwise affects others, truly is judmental. And being judgmental is not the same thing as using judgment.</p>
<p>I sincerely thank you for willingness to step outside conventional rigidity and reminding me that I ought to also.</p>
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<p>Well, in my book, you are not only giving yourself the right to disagree with the opinions of others but also to question the validity of the opinions of others. And THAT is a difference. </p>
<p>And, fwiw, speaking about disagreeing, I could not be more different from Garland in my perception of your posts and purported open mindless. But again, that is why all of us are entitled to our opinions.</p>
<p>Lastly, how did we go from tacky and entitled to … deceitful, immoral, or unethical activity.? Really! </p>
<p>This couple obviously doesn’t care about generally accepted views of wedding etiquette, so how can they be shamed? Are people making judgments about the appropriateness of their behavior–yes–lots of posters are because the couple is going against convention. Are they making a statement about a practice that needs to be changed? Nah–I think they just want money.</p>
<p>For the record, I started this thread with the idea that there would be strong opinions either condemning this practice or those with posts defending it. If there are people on this thread who can not accept that there will be intelligent, thoughtful people of good character who may have a strong opinion on either side of this without insinuating that the people expressing a dissenting opinion must have a character flaw or that the mere fact of their opinion is evidence of bad posting behavior, they are welcome to leave the thread and find others where they can be sure to find plenty of validation of their thoughts.</p>
<p>A question which I posed which has not been addressed is this: When one posts a GoFundMe site, will the funds donated be subject to taxes (considered as income)? </p>
<p>What about a fund like the one started by Jahi McMath’s family/supporters (the teen who was declared brain dead after a tonsillectomy but whose parents rejected the diagnosis and seek donations for her care)? Surely there are rules which regulate these types of solicitations. </p>
<p>I think the gift tax rules would apply in these cases, but I could be wrong. </p>
<p>Xiggi–perhaps I was not clear. I said that since everyone here agrees that there is nothing immoral, deceitful, or otherwise hurtful, I do not understand the reason for shaming.</p>
<p>I get no one used those words here to characterize the practice.</p>
<p>And also for the record, I appreciate when someone can change my mind about something (doesn’t mean I’m in favor of it myself, just a nice reminder that–for myself–I am trying to work toward a more accepting approach toward how others tackle life.)</p>
<p>NRDB–I do think the folks who are asking for others to pay for their wedding are lacking good judgment. Are they evil–no. I think their supporters are young and naive just like the couple. I think this has been a fairly honest exchange of differing views and I am even more convinced that the difference is based on age and life experiences–which happens with many issues.</p>
<p>^^^^Differing views are fine. Those who would try to shut down views or try to dictate content is what I object to. As long as TOS are adhered to, people may express support for this practice or may verbalize disgust with it.</p>
<p>^^^Maybe I’m missing something–who’s dictating content?</p>
<p>Oy, I miss the days of post numbers.</p>
<p>I think this “crowdfunding” idea is not going away. Spend too much money on your cars, TVs, and other gadgets and end up short on your mortgage? Start a GoFundMe site to implore your friends to save you from foreclosure. Buy too much house and leave yourself unable to take a vacation? Friends to the rescue! Hawaii or bust! Want the designer wedding dress, the reception you’ve seen so often on TV but don’t have the cash? Implore your guests to pay for it! Want to send your kid on that trip abroad which includes a few hours of community service? Call it a mission trip and offer your friends the easy option of paypal! And so on.</p>
<p>It’s not illegal, it’s not “hurting” anyone. There apparently are plenty of people either happy to contribute or who at least reluctantly acquiesce so as not to appear ungenerous, so no harm, no foul. It does, however, reflect a shift in the concept of self reliance and learning to live with one’s reality and the consequences of one’s priorities. </p>