<p>My son will go to college in Fall 2010 in the USA. I am divorced, in recent years my son has spent most of his time with my ex-spouse. For 2009 my son is claimed as a dependent on my ex-spouse’s income tax. </p>
<p>At the time of the divorce (seven years ago) there was a cash settlement and an agreement that there would be no alimony or child support (mostly because we each had very uncertain and unpredictable incomes at the time, actually we still do). Moreover it was agreed in the marriage settlement agreement and by the court that the divorce court would lose jurisdiction when my son reached 18 or when he left high-school, whichever came later, or when he reached age 20 if still in high-school at that time.</p>
<p>Apparently, my son is to attend a Catholic University. I am implacably opposed to the Church of Rome and anything connected to it however remotely. So I do not approve of this intention, though I am probably powerless to stop it since he will soon be past 18 years of age and graduated from high-school.</p>
<p>As I understand it, in these circumstances it is possible for my ex-spouse to apply for FAFSA Federal financial aid without information from me and that would be sufficient information if he were to attend a CSU (California State University). </p>
<p>The out-of-state Catholic University from which he has an acceptance wants me to complete a CSS Profile. I refuse to provide information to a college of which I disapprove. Can I be compelled to provide information? And if so how?
What are the likely consequences of my refusal?
If my refusal means he will not get financial aid and therefore cannot afford to attend a Catholic school I will regard that as a good outcome.</p>
<p>None of this means I am unwilling to send money to my son, however I am unwilling to formally agree to pay.</p>
<p>You cannot be compelled to complete a Profile as there’s no legal authority that would force you to do so. Not completing it would most likely mean that the college would not grant any need-based aid to your son, and possibly no merit aid either. Your ex could ask the college to consider your son’s case as a special circumstance and eliminate the non-custodial parent Profile requirement, but that decision would be up to the college.</p>
<p>You’ll screw your kid out of any aid he might get. </p>
<p>You would rather your child goes to a university that he doesn’t like rather than go to one that he wants to go to? I am not Catholic and also have a bone to pick with them, but they could CARE LESS whether or not you want to submit your information to them. Actually, they probably would prefer it because then they would not have to send your child any financial aid that he might qualify for. </p>
<p>So what does this mean? It means that if your child is going to probably go to the Catholic University whether you like it or not and because you refuse to fill it out he will more than likely receive no aid which means that he is probably going to be under a mountain of debt when he graduates. </p>
<p>Also, filling out the profile does NOT mean that you HAVE to pay. The school will tell you what they THINK you can pay and then it’s up to you whether or not you WANT to pay it. NO ONE is making you formally agree to pay. You are not signing a contract.</p>
<p>New Hampshire.
I am in California and staying. He is in high school in California, my ex-spouse is in California (with him) but will probably be moving to New York or New Jersey next summer.
We were on amicable terms until this came up for which there is no compromise, nor will there be.
I am implacably opposed to the Church of Rome and have donated to fighting funds over the pedophile priests issue.</p>
<p>@You’ll screw your kid out of any aid he might get. </p>
<p>Thank you, I didn’t know that and needed to know it.</p>
<p>@You would rather your child goes to a university that he doesn’t like rather than go to one that he wants to go to?</p>
<p>I would like him to go to a public University, in the USA or Scotland (we are both dual UK/US citizens). There are lots of choices even for a GPA 2.9, SAT 1290/1600 young man.</p>
<p>@because you refuse to fill it out he will more than likely receive no aid which means that he is probably going to be under a mountain of debt when he graduates.</p>
<p>I can pay off his student loans when he graduates irrespective of which college he goes to. I see what I need to do. If he is refused financial aid he will probably be refused sufficient loans as well and either be financially unable to attend that college in the first place, or will be forced to transfer out later to a college that I select and will pay for.</p>
<p>So essentially you want to screw your own son, because he wants to go to a Catholic church of his own volition, and even with the fact that these “Catholic” schools aren’t even that Catholic to begin with? I’m not going to go into the whole “responsibilities of a father” and the “Catholic church is outdated and irrelevant to today’s society (cause quite frankly, it is)” but why not just let your kid go to a school where he wants, where he can get the best education possible, and be happy. It’s not like he’ll go to a school, turn into a Catholic priest and start molesting kids. At this age, I believe it’s not moral to impose YOUR own standards to a son who’s a young adult already. Are you willing to risk your relationship with your son because of some principles against a random church, that probably doesn’t even HAVE control over the school?</p>
<p>So you’re going to make your son take out loans because you don’t want to pay for his Catholic U and then turn around and pay them off anyways? That makes NO sense whatsoever.</p>
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<p>Not necessarily. If your ex has good credit and wants to cosign for him, financial aid has little to do with private loans.</p>
<p>Honestly, it is HIS education, not yours. So what if he wants to go to a Catholic school? If you don’t want to pay, then hey whatever, that’s cool to deny your kid the education he wants, hope you can live with that; BUT don’t screw him out of any financial aid he might receive simply because you dislike the Church. Yes, it’s your money so you can decide to pay or not, but you should NOT force your son to go to a school that you select because he is most likely going to be unhappy and not get a lot out of that education.</p>
<p>Oddly enough, although I respect and agree with the posters who say the father is misguided in refusing to support his son’s interest in a Catholic college, I also see his point. There are a lot of excellent schools that are not Catholic, and if the son wants the financial support of his father he would be wise to consider them. It’s a trade-off not unlike others that students have to consider when deciding where to apply with regards to financing their education. It’s not as though excluding Catholic schools will seriously limit his son’s options.</p>
<p>I would not pay for my children to attend BYU or Wheaton.</p>
<p>What I wonder is why the student is so intent on the Catholic school. It seems there may be an issue between the OP, the son, the ex-spouse or some combination of the three that is motivating the student’s choice.</p>
<p>I know my grandfather was virulently anti-Catholic (and old Orange Irishman), and his son (my uncle) had a very strained relationship with the old man. My uncle married a Catholic and raised his children in the Catholic church although he himself never converted and was thoroughly non-religious. It was profound statement of rebellion and although he surely loved his wife (at least early on) he also clearly enjoyed antagonizing the old man.</p>
<p>Of course, he was not simultaneously asking for money from him.</p>
<p>Good Grief!! It is your SON who is going to COLLEGE, not YOU. AND he is NOT going to a Seminary to become a PRIEST! It should be HIS choice of where to spend the next four years, not your choice. Would YOU like it if YOUR father told you where to go to work??? I thought not… GROW UP and STOP trying to control his life, ESPECIALLY if you are NOT willing to contributing a DIME to the cost of his tuition. The damage you will do to your relationship with your son by this immature, selfish position will likely last your for the rest of your days. So take a step back and carefully think about that before you intentionally sabotoge any future relationship with him over your petty refusal to fill out a lousy form. Sheesh…</p>
<p>@Are you willing to risk your relationship with your son because of some principles </p>
<p>Essentially yes, because principles are not principles if one is unwilling to take a risk of major adverse consequences in order to defend them. I am however dismayed that it has come to this and totally blame my ex-spouse for encouraging him despite being fully aware of my position.</p>
<p>And the Church of Rome is not just some random church, it is an enterprise I would cheerfully destroy if I could.</p>
<p>In the end, most humans are stubborn, and he’ll probably refuse any advice from us, and refuse to let his son go to a school of his own choice. My advice then is to reach a compromise: find a non catholic school that meets his interests and that he has a chance to get into with his school. I hope that your not using this to settle old scores with your wife (if you are, then I guess you’re scum)</p>
<p>"And the Church of Rome is not just some random church, it is an enterprise I would cheerfully destroy if I could. "</p>
<p>As I said, the Catholic church is irrelevant to our society, and their values are so 19th century. But the fact that your own principles are destroying YOUR own sons life, is immoral to most (except you because of your biases). Again, you see your own son as an image of yourself, and you subconsciously want to exercise your own control over him, which is in the end stupid. Or you could be using your wife to settle old scores with your wife. Marriage without caution is so stupid sigh.</p>
<p>“which means the church is going to make MORE money off your son. You are enabling them rather than destroying them.”</p>
<p>Irony it its finest. My hats off to you sir.</p>
<p>^^ It seems as though your son is probably going to go to the school either way. By refusing to fill out PROFILE, all you are doing is denying him financial aid, which means the church is going to make MORE money off your son. You are enabling them rather than destroying them. </p>
<p>And it is VERY, VERY sad that you are willing to destroy your relationship with your son because he is Catholic and you are not. I weep for children like yours TBQH. I always forget how lucky I am to have parents that are supportive of me no matter what path I chose.</p>
<p>Btw, OP, people keep calling you the father, but I had the impression that you were the mother. Are you the father or the mother? Just out of curiosity.</p>
<p>“And the Church of Rome is not just some random church, it is an enterprise I would cheerfully destroy if I could.”
well GUESS WHAT! As much as you would LIKE TO destroy the church of Rome[ and believe me, there will be not tears shed by me if you were able to], you CAN’T DESTROY IT, so get over that fantasy. The ONLY THING you WILL destroy is the relationship with your SON. If your love for your son is greater than your hatred for the RCC and your EX, then show your son that YOU can be a mature parent, set aside your hatred for one moment, and fill out the form. If you can’t then this is just a feeble excuse for continuing to fight with your ex.</p>
<p>@If you can’t then this is just a feeble excuse for continuing to fight with your ex. </p>
<p>We were on amicable terms until this came up for which there is no compromise, nor will there be. My son will back down on this, it is just a matter of time, he is young and lacks experience of the school of hard knocks (but that will change). My ex-spouse is in declining health and unlikely to remarry. I don’t foresee any floating of large loans on the horizon. We are both older and approaching retirement age.</p>
<p>I don’t know if Profile allows you to send your information separate from your son’s. Is the Catholic University the only school that he is applying to that requires Profile? If not, you may be cutting other acceptable options off (unless you are willing to pay full freight at those other options).</p>
<p>then I feel sorry for your son for having such an unforgiving narrow minded parent. Your immovable I-am-right-and-he-is-wrong attitude reminds me of the hard line holier than thou positions of the RCC. There’s irony for you…</p>
<p>HC, face it. You’re just an overcontrolling parent trying to impose his own values and morals unto your son. His values do not equate to your own. Your using your own son as a tool to try to bring down the church (an attempt I and many laugh at).</p>
<p>@Is the Catholic University the only school that he is applying to that requires Profile? </p>
<p>His first choice is a Catholic University in New Hampshire.</p>
<p>He has also applied to four CSUs (public Universities in the California State system). It is four because apparently my ex-spouse got a hardship waiver for the application fees and that allows targeting of four colleges. I think they see CSU as a last resort.
I hope CSU does not require the Profile thing, in any case that would only affect the first year and in-State CSU fees are relatively modest anyway.</p>
<p>I don’t know where else he has applied to, but I have reason to believe that he has applied to more than one out-of-state public University. And perhaps other private schools, I don’t know. And I have no idea whether they want the Profile thing.</p>
<p>He has not applied to any Scottish Universities despite being informally offered low cost / no cost tuition. (The Scottish rules are very complicated).</p>
<p>Thank you all for your information. I will share that I suspect some of you “spoil” your offspring and fail to let them enjoy and learn from the fruits of their decisions. In fact there is a whole generation that seems to have an overinflated sense of entitlement.</p>