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<p>notrichenough, he IS willing to risk his relationship over this.</p>
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<p>Fortunately, we are full-pay, so I would not have to confront this issue.</p>
<p>If my child was financing his/her own education via scholarships and loans, then I would not object to their ultimate choice, but I would certainly communicate my feelings about it.</p>
<p>Why do you not fault OP’s child for not respecting his parent’s obviously profound feelings about this? Does it only work one way for you?</p>
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<p>Not in the least. I already said that the OP’s son has no right to expect his parent to pay. HOWEVER, I don’t think that it’s right to screw one’s child out of potential aid because the parent doesn’t like the institution whose name is on the school. To me it is the same as parents who refuse to send in their financial information because they want the child to work through school like he/she did.</p>
<p>But romanigypsyeyes, don’t you think a parent has a right to not support certain choices their child might make? I mean, this particular example of that obviously seems without merit to you, but it’s the importance it has to the OP that matters.</p>
<p>^ Again, he is under no obligation to provide financial support, but I don’t think it’s right that the child might potentially get ZERO aid because the parent refuses to fill out PROFILE. </p>
<p>Someone PLEASE explain to me how this situation is any different than a parent who refuses to fill out a form because they don’t want to fill it out for ANY other reason? I see those people get jumped on EVERY SINGLE DAY here. It isn’t until religion is involved that it is OK for a parent to refuse to fill out a form. </p>
<p>FWIW, I DESPISE the Catholic church and would not pay a CENT for my child to go to a Catholic school. BUT, if that was his/her decision, I wouldn’t refuse to fill out a simple thing like PROFILE so that my child may potentially receive aid. If they want to go to a school I disagree with, that’s cool, I’m not going to pay anything but I’m also not going to completely hinder their ability to go to a school of their choice.</p>
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<p>That is a pretty harsh result, but we don’t know all the facts, and it is possible that OP has a righteous reason for refusing to associate with the college in question. If the college really wants this student, it can work around the problem.</p>
<p>Who controls where the CSS non-custodial form gets sent? Is it the non-custodial parent? </p>
<p>If so, OP can fill it out but just not sent it to the school in question.</p>
<p>^^ I know we don’t know all the facts, but if the son is deadset on Catholic U then he is going either way and probably paying full sticker price. If the OP’s son was eligible for any aid, all he is doing is making the U wealthier because they don’t have to give the son aid. It is actually counter-productive if they qualify for aid.</p>
<p>You’re missing the point though, romanigypsyeyes. The OP does not want his/her son to attend a Catholic school, but it’s not just that he/she doesn’t want to pay for it. The OP does not want to participate in anyway with that choice, or to provide financial information to that subsection of colleges. I can think of schools I’d feel the same way about.</p>
<p>Both the student and the parent have their rights to inflexible decisions. The student could decide he’s going to that Catholic college regardless of the OP’s opinions. They will have to work around the missing non-custodial parent information however they are able. In fact, they may be able to appeal St. Anselm on the grounds of the parent’s anti-Catholic stance and be more likely to get a waiver and get more aid based on the custodial parent’s lower income. I mean, who knows how things can play out.</p>
<p>But people have a right to draw lines. There are people of certain races that won’t let their children marry outside of that race. Do I think that’s right or good or wise? No. But it’s not as though I can go in and say they should feel otherwise and endorse something that is an anathema to them. I hope grown children do strike out and make the choices they think are right for them – whether that’s marrying the person of their choice, or going to the college of their choice. But sometimes they have to do those things over the objection of a parent.</p>
<p>I can think of situations where I have been (or could be) both the parent and the child in such a matter.</p>
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<p>To the OP, part of this is correct: filling out the form does not mean you have to pay. However, the school will NOT tell you what they think you can pay. The school would come up with a figure that parents have to pay. It would not break down that amount into what your ex or you should pay. It will not share financial information with your son or your ex. So the info you give would bump up the amount the parents are expected to pay without requiring you to pay anything. </p>
<p>Your private decision is what it is – private. As a parent of several children, I would give my unsolicited advice (and maybe it’s already been done) to talk to your son and try to find colleges you all agree upon. I do not share your position, but there are schools I will not pay for. What concerns me more is not your desire not to support certain schools but to insist on others. In other words, you have listed several viable, solid options for your son (Cal State and Scottish unis). If he objects for some reason (perhaps he wants a small school or just wants to try elsewhere), it may be a reasonable compromise to say he can explore private unis if he wins merit or brings down cost to X level-- as long as the schools aren’t Catholic. There are private colleges out there that ‘discount’ their tuition for a LOT of kids, not just the ones with great stats. One of my kids had stats similar to your son and was given a scholarship over $10K, with free laptop and mentoring to an out-of-state flagship. So there is a possibility that your son will have other options for the same or similar money as instate Cal but it may require your participation with Profile. </p>
<p>By the way, if your son goes to Cal State, is the plan for him to live with you? Because if your ex leaves the state and your son is your ex’s dependent, I believe he will lose instate rates unless he lives with you and becomes your dependent. (I would double-check.)</p>
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Hmmm, I had not thought that through either. Darn it. The present expectation is that he would live in his own apartment year-round near the college (possibly San Jose State). Not with either of us but independently (even though the college may not see him as independent for fee and aid purposes).</p>
<p>HB, please double-check that with each California uni that he’s considering. I believe each one makes its own decision. (And, if it were me, I would ask any staff member who tells you it’s ok to direct me to where it is in writing since you’re talking about a difference of probably over $10K/ year.) If he does live with you (even if it’s just when your ex leaves the state in order to establish residency), you may have to supply your income information and fill out FAFSA for him to get any financial aid.</p>
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You mean for example if he stays with me for a few weeks’ vacation in August 2010, until he starts college in September 2010 then a new FAFSA is required. Even though FAFSA was due in early 2010. He will clearly have spent many more 2010 days (perhaps 180) with the ex- than with me (perhaps 30) by the end of the year. Even though the ex- will no longer be California resident by the start of the University year and he won’t really be living with either of us very often after that.
For 2011, I imagine it is a matter of counting the handful of days he spends with either of us (fewer than 10 in all likelihood).</p>
<p>As a general comment I find it strange that apparently American colleges assume that adult students live with their parents outside the school terms. I was working for a bank to earn my own living out in the world 200 miles from my parent’s home as a teenager back in the UK (admittedly that was a long time ago). No internet back then, heck I didn’t even have a telephone (too expensive) but used the mail service for weekly communication. How the world changes!</p>
<p>It’s easier to maintain California residency for higher ed purposes than it is to get it to begin with. If the student has lived in CA the year before college and has graduated from a CA high school, he’s a resident. If he maintains a CA drivers license, pays CA taxes, votes in CA, and generally shows intent to remain a resident of the state, he gets in-state tuition. Each CSU does have different requirements - here’s Chico’s:</p>
<p>[CSU</a>, Chico - 2009-2011 University Catalog](<a href=“University Catalog | California State University, Chico”>University Catalog | California State University, Chico)</p>
<p>In the case of the student not living with either parent, the one who provides most support is considered “custodial” for FAFSA. This remains true until the student is 24. </p>
<p>For 2010, the custodial parent fills out FAFSA in January. This will reflect the student’s living situation in 2009. There’s no need to fill out another FAFSA until January of 2011. If the student’s living situation has changed in 2010, ie the other parent is now considered custodial for purposes of FAFSA, than this is indicated on the 2011 FAFSA.</p>
<p>Thank you vballmom, that fits the situation and answers the question perfectly.
He will have lived with my ex- for most (180+ days) of 2010 even though he will have been de-facto independent from the time of entering college in September. For the 2012/2013 school year (January 2012 FAFSA) he will get in-state tuition and needs calculated on my income. Hopefully I will be retired at that point.</p>
<p>I have had a conversation with them both since this thread started and things are looking less gloomy. Ironically he may very well end up at a run-of-the-mill out-of-state public University back East, and I can approve of that. Hopefully all is well that ends well but it has been an educational thread for me.</p>
<p>Again, thank you all, even those who dissent, for taking the trouble to respond. Bless you all and this forum.</p>
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<p>I thought I would update you all.</p>
<p>Apparently I was misled, my atheist son is indeed off to Anselm’s in the next two weeks. He obtained first year financial aid from the college, essentially by disowning me.</p>
<p>I hope college works out well for him. And I hope you find some way to repair this breach that you’ve caused.</p>
<p>I think this thread should have been deleted. No other religion would have been allowed to be trashed like this thread did. However, glad to hear that the son was able to do what he needed to do and get the aid he needed.</p>
<p>I think there’s more to the story than what’s evident here. Why would an atheist be so insistent on attending a college that is so religious? Why would a religious college be so eager to admit him?</p>
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<p>Good for him! I hope he’s very successful at Anselm’s and gets enough financial aid to complete his degree there.</p>