<p>D has had a tough F semester. Broke up with long term boyfriend, changing majors, etc. Is under care for depression/anxiety. D attends college 10 miles away. She is home for the holidays. She is good about letting us know where she is, when she will be home – no problems in those areas at all. We know her friends and they come over to our house. </p>
<p>Got a letter from D’s college. D was taken to a local hospital last week overnight for intoxication. D told dad before letter came to house. He went over dangers of drinking: i.e. addiction (runs in our family), date rape, failing grades, etc. I may add I rarely drink except an occasional glass of wine and dad does not drink.</p>
<p>What consequences do other parents think are suitable? I am realistic about this is probably NOT the first time she has gotten drunk and will not be the last. At the same time, I don’t want to be overly strict or contribute to the problem.</p>
<p>We have talked with her and plan to talk about consequences in a few days so we do not over react. She will have some input.</p>
<p>So far, I am planning for her to pay her hospital bill. This will delete her savings account and will disable her from attending a summer rock concert out of state. I am also thinking of not allowing her to keep her car on campus this semester unless her grades are good and we get no more reports about drinking. (she did not have use of her car last semester)
We also are considering taking her to some AA ‘speaker’ meetings. Husband attends regular meetings and has been sober for 30 years. </p>
<p>Should we also require her to pay her car insurance?</p>
<p>I do not want to be so strict that she does not come to us when she has a problem. So far, she has done this. i.e. previous depression, eating disorders. We have gotten her professional help for the 'fore mentioned. Yet, I know if she makes poor choices, she should be responsible for the consequences.</p>
<p>I’m no expert, but I’d be less concerned about this particular drinking incident than a pattern of problems – depressiong, eating disorders and drinking to excess. Like if it’s not one thing it’s another. I’d be more concerned with looking at the root causes. Knowing her dad is an alcoholic and still drinking is just such reckless behavior, IMO.</p>
<p>(((hugs))) to you and good luck. I’ll be curious to see what others say.</p>
<p>Thank you. I have attended ALANON and use it, so I did not overact. Depression, anxiety, eating disorders are pretty much under control right now. She likes her doctor and has been going to him for four years. I just know that college students drink and the dangers. I just want to ‘do the right thing.’ </p>
<p>Right now, I am trying to keep this event in perspective.</p>
<p>A hospitalization for drinking? Very scary! Does she understand the people can die from alcoholic poisoning? </p>
<p>(I know people will accuse me of over-reacting here. I was hospitalized for drinking many many years ago; in the end, it wasn’t the drinking but the appendicitis that was trying to kill me, but the drunkenness did make it hard to diagnose! I learned a lot from that hospital admission–in fact, I have never drunk that much since. The seriousness of how ill I was really made an impression.)</p>
<p>If her father is an alcoholic, I think it is appropriate for her to get some serious counseling; she is at high risk of being an alcoholic herself. </p>
<p>As for the car: just say no. She’s proven she can be a danger to herself; don’t add a car into the mix.</p>
<p>The car sounds like an unnecessary luxury. She lives 10 miles from home…I agree, the car goes. You don’t want her to be in the position of possibly driving while intoxicated.</p>
<p>I also agree that if alcoholism is in the family, she needs to address this issue directly with a counselor.</p>
<p>I forgot to say the car is an absolute non-negotiable for me. If she’s drinking to the point of hospitalization, she can’t be trusted not to get behind the wheel of a car. I say this as someone who did more than my share of drinking and driving back when awareness of it wasn’t like it is now. I am horrified at my behavior, have discussed it (in limited detail) with my kids and feel confident that neither of them would make that poor choice.</p>
<p>I agree with both of you. I do not think she takes the hospitalization seriously. She is embarrassed about it and thinks the girl who ‘snitched’ on her over-reacted. I think she needs to thank the girl who told and that she was very fortunate that she was spared from other dangers…</p>
<p>The car deal (according to her) was that she likes to come home for at least once a week to catch up on sleep and as a reprieve. But now that she was taken to the hospital, I think the car will be inviting trouble.</p>
<p>I have told D that I am going to think about the car and I am inclined for her to do without it for another semester. My hubby thinks she will figure out a way to drive anyway if she is going to. I said that may be true, but I was not wanting to contribute to a possible disaster in light of this latest drinking episode. </p>
<p>I just want our DD to realize if she is not going to take it seriously, we will and will ‘tighten’ some apron strings.</p>
<p>Waiting some time before a talk is excellent! And not specific to this incident, but I’d try to think ahead as best I could to advise her of specific possible future consequences for specific future misdeeds, rather than a vague “there will be consequences…”
I hope the parents here went over the dangers of "drinking, addiction, date rape…"etc before the letter came, I’m not clear on that from the Op. Warning students of dangers after they are in the hospital would be, well, closing the door after the horse was out. But such warnings to most at that age, she probably thought “but not to me!” Hopefully, this serious close call will serve her better because she now knows it really can happen. Her paying the bill should be a given, ok if she misses discretionary fun times as a result.
Knowing hubby is an alcoholic(as modern day pc people define it), yes, she is predisposed to addictions but is not set in stone for her.</p>
<p>Does she need the car to get to off site related ECs or field experience type situations? If not than I would not permit the car to go back to campus. I think she just proved that she is not able to handle herself in a responsible mature manner. A hospitalization for alcohol is a serious issue that needs to be addressed and there is NO WAY I would permit my kid from taking that car right now. She has some proving to do and not just with her grades.</p>
<p>If your daughter needs the car for a job or off campus field type situation than she should be told to find alternative rides with other students or friends. I would also suggest that she attend some meetings since her dad is an alcoholic.</p>
Actually, I’d be very worried about this incident if she ended up in the hospital. It is not the same as getting caught by RA with a beer in your hand…</p>
<p>Yes, we have discussed dangers of drinking before college. We have told her stories of date rape, addictions, everything we could think of. We know many people through AA whose lives have been ruined due to drinking and she knows of this too. </p>
<p>I am very, very worried since she ended up in the hospital. She is embarrassed, but says the girl who reported her over-reacted. I told her she needs to THANK the girl and count her blessings that she was not raped or hurt or anyone else was hurt. </p>
<p>We are considering requiring her to attend some open speaker AA meetings with us. </p>
<p>I think she did prove her immaturity.</p>
<p>Another thing, with her remembering very little of the actual ride to the hospital is sending me some very scary red flags. This is a symptom of alcoholism and it is scaring me to death!</p>
<p>It is up to you to determine if the “snitch” was overreacting. Call the hospital and ask what her blood alcohol level was. My niece took a friend to the hospital this year after friend tripped in the bathroom and hit her head. Her blood alcohol was 3x the legal limit. Friend thinks niece over-reacted. I say at 3x, niece was bang on. If your daughter was not legally drunk… .08???, then maybe friend did over-react, but if your D does not remember the bus ride, I feel pretty good about guessing she was well beyond the legal limit.</p>
<p>This is from a teenagers’ perspective.
I wouldn’t bother and give her the talk of the consequences of drinking. She is a freshman in college not a middle schooler. Tell her you understand she wants to have fun and go out with friends. (And yes you are okay with it). Just tell her to know her limits and not push them.</p>
<p>Punishment wise I’d think it’d be more effective if you had her pay the hospital bill and warn her not to do it again (probably think twice about talking those few extra shots). Most of my friends who get really drunk (black out/etc) usually tone it down a lot after that time so I think she’s probably learned a lot from this experience already.</p>
<p>Unless this student is under 18 OR signed a release, the hospital will not release ONE THING about her visit there to the parents.</p>
<p>She is lucky she didn’t die. You can die from alcohol poisoning. </p>
<p>I’m sorry, but 10 miles is not a long distance. I would suggest public transportation or a bicycle. To be honest, if my kids had ended up in the hospital due to too much drinking. they would be moving back HOME for at least a term. This student can do this and continue to attend the same college while getting some much needed counseling. </p>
<p>I’m sorry, but this is a serious matter. The other girl was NOT a snitch. She did the right thing. Your daughter should be grateful…even IF this girl was overreacting, she did it to protect someone from possibly causing harm to themselves or others.</p>
<p>Have not seen written reports, but have gotten some clues - i.e. A’s on exams in some subjects. Chemistry was a disaster…I know for a fact, she went to tutoring, etc for this particular class. She changed her majors (to one she does not need chemistry and is passionate about)… I think she will be happier. Just does not get chemistry, but is doing well in her other classes as far as I know.</p>
<p>Also, she is over 18 therefore, the hospital will not give us her alcohol reading, but when I get the bill in the mail perhaps I can investigate. I told daughter to give us the information from the hospital. We want to see what her. As far as moving back home, I don’t want to do that yet. I realize that freshmen do some crazy things. Knowing that she is only 10 miles away is very helpful for us. We can keep close tabs. Actually, living away from home has been good for her as she has said many times that she did not realize what great parents we are until she moved away from home. She is very appreciative and loving. </p>
<p>Believe me, losing car privileges and having her pay for hospital costs will be a big blow for her! I have told her any more of this, she will have to pay for her car’s insurance and then after that she will lose the right to have a car.</p>
<p>The horrible part of having her potentially driving one of YOUR cars and potentially getting in an accident…YOUR family would bear the liability for this issue. It’s YOUR car…and you are allowing her to drive it. Please be careful on this one. </p>
<p>The thing that needs to happen…you need to feel comfortable that there will not be a repeat of this incident…or anything close to it. Do whatever it takes to make sure this doesn’t happen again.</p>