<p>mom4college, been there!!! when oldest son was preparing for and left for college, i would cry at the drop of a hat. (tv commercials could set me off!) allow yourself to grieve is all i can suggest…it does get better…i had always been proud of the fact that i encouraged my children’s independence and encouraged them to go away for college as part of a chance to “fly and grow” but i still had this sense of loss that was overwhelming at times. You will feel happy again, especially when she calls to tell you about how exciting everything is and how happy she is (or when you have your first disagreement on the phone and you realize you are “back to normal”)
, went through it again when 2nd son went off to a math and science school at age 15 and we only see him a breaks…and i can feel it creeping in again as he is now preparing for college visits etc.</p>
<p>mpm4college,
This is another of the transitions we have been experiencing since we discovered we were pregnant. Some are more difficult than others. </p>
<p>This was difficult for me, too. But it helped to remember that I had been working to prepare my kid for a happy and productive life as an independent adult (though** I **would have been happy to have him stay in “his” room at home forever). This phase is yet a continuation of sending them off to kindergarten, which I hated!</p>
<p>Let’s face it: when things work out, we lose! Just as they become these interesting mature (ish) creatures, they leave.</p>
<p>I found that I am too simple to hold 2 contradictory emotions at the same time. I loved being this kid’s mother. He made me so proud and grateful. If I focused on my sense of gratitude, I didn’t have room to feel sorry for myself, except for those times when I did!</p>
<p>Best to you and all the parents of 2009 graduates. It really is survivable.</p>
<p>S1 is a junior and yesterday while I was sitting in mass I got choked up thinking about his dad getting to hand him his diploma at graduation next year (he is the school board president). I can’t even imagine how I will hold it together when the time actually comes.</p>
<p>As parents I think we have earned the right to have very strong emotions about our babies moving on to the next stage of life. Just remember that you have done a wonderful job raising your daughter, can be proud of all of her accomplishments to date, and have so many more blessings to look forward to in the years ahead.</p>
<p>Enjoy your summer with her and feel free to break down and cry when you need to.</p>
<p>I think many people are feeling the same. It comes crashing down I think, because the year has been such a rollercoaster. I have loved having my D here so why would I be happy to have her leave? I raised her to follow her goals and dreams, to be independent
I console myself with knowing if she felt to tied to me I would not have done my job. But I feel sad too.</p>
<p>I will not be in this spot until next year but I would encourage you to let those tears fall. Your feelings are totally normal and I suspect your summer (as mine will be next year) will be a mix of a lot of feelings.</p>
<p>Best wish to you and your daughter as you move into this next phase of life.</p>
<p>Oh, I am in the same boat! I have been depressed ever since we got home from D#2’s graduation at St. Lawrence University on Monday night. It seems that part of our lives is over with. D#1 went to UCONN & graduated in '07, plus my parents are UCONN alum & UCONN is only 110 miles away from us. H & I can visit UCONN if we want to! SLU is so far away & it seems that chapter is closed! D#3 is attending another university in August & our last child, our only son, does not seem interested in applying to SLU! </p>
<p>What made me feel better was becoming patrons of SLU’s library & having a book bought in D#2’s name in her field of study. I have found it hard to let go of SLU & having D#2 there! It has been a very quick 4 years!</p>
<p>mom4college–I felt this way last year when my first child, D, finished high school. I had a wonderful summer with her, and then flew with her to college to get her set up. I was a train wreck (much to her dismay!) when it came to saying good-bye. Fortunately her house’s house keeper was there and experienced enough to get this mom through her farewells! But you know, after talking to D on the cell during orientation, and then hearing how well she was doing, all of that sadness turned into happiness. I truly sympathize with what you’re feeling, but if your experience is like mine, know that it will get better, much better! Soon you’ll be the proud mom of a college first-year!</p>
<p>mom4college, at least you are not alone. My son will walk in two weeks, and I know I shall have a good cry at some point. We keep joking that he will need rain gear and boots when he gives his valedictorian speech! At least I won’t be alone – one of his best friends told me that she cried all during her seventh grade graduation, and I already know that one of his teachers – who is also a very good friend of mine – will be crying. So, do not try to hide it.</p>
<p>At my D’s school they have to attend graduation. I picked her up after sophmore year and it started to strike me then,-how quickly the time would go and it really has. Now I can’t believe it is her year and it completely blows my mind. I was talking to a friend tonight who has a second son going to college , and she is very sad to-it is just one of life’s transitions The house will be very quiet next year. Having said that I know someone who will not pay for Her D to go to private school only instate because she is not sure she will be able to make it there without her and doesn’t want to waste her money. Her D is an only child, and I wonder who is the one who really can’t make it, as the woman will be left home alone.I think my sadness is exacerbated by my fears of how it will go, but am hoping that once she is happy, safe, etc… I will relax, It is hard to let your baby into the big world without you, but let them go we must. sigh…</p>
<p>I’ve felt this coming on for 2 years now, since we attended a family friend’s commencement at which I shed anticipatory tears. Now it’s our turn, in 10 days. How did that 2 years go by so quickly? Or that 18 years, for that matter?</p>
<p>I’ve been thinking alot recently of my own mother, who did not mar my last months at home by showing her sadness. I’m trying to emulate her, but I guess she is made of stronger stuff than I am. Or maybe it’s harder for me, since she had 2 younger kids, and my D is an only child. I find myself tearing up at every “last” – stupid stuff, last spring break, last Open House Night, last costume fitting at the studio, last yearbook day, last IB test. How I’ll make it through commencement, I haven’t any earthly idea.</p>
<p>My plan for the coming summer is to try to suck it up when I’m with D, and squeeze in every memory possible. I’ve already warned DH about the plane ride home after we drop her at college.</p>
<p>And yet, pugmadkate – you’re right, it is a mix of feelings. I am so looking forward to the peace and simplicity that will descend when we’re not living in the same house with a hurricane. My life and my time will once again be my own. I’m eagerly anticipating getting reacquainted with my DH, and resuming my needlework which got lost years ago in D’s crazy schedule. Releasing her into the world means I can be blissfully unaware of her minute-to-minute crises, and what a lifted burden that will be. Along with the grief (and that’s what it is for me), I think there will also be a good dose of relief.</p>
<p>^Oh, it’s a relief to know I’m not the only one! I’ve been blaming my mom’s recent death, mid-life hormones, and every other thing for my sudden propensity to well up for months now! I’m glad it’s finally pollen season here so I can blame it on seasonal allergies, lol! It’s most embarrassing when I run into parents of non-seniors who are always asking about D’s college plans. Hopefully they think I’m not one to brag on my kid and that’s why the sudden change of subject. They have no idea how hard it is to feel like you’re shipping off your best friend and child, and have to redefine such an important relationship. Hopefully, it will be easier with my son in 2 years. Oh dear, here I go again…!</p>
<p>I know exactly how you feel except it was last year, my son is an only child, and I am his father. I was a mess last summer. </p>
<p>We all survived. S loved his school and did very well academically and socially. He seems to have matured. There were a couple bumps in the road (a bit too much partying, ugly breakup with HS girlfriend), but he came through it fine. It took some time for my wife and I to adjust. </p>
<p>You will get through it. People told me the same thing last summer and I did not believe them. But I did get through it!</p>
<p>This transition time is for us, parents, just as much as it is for the kids. It is hard, there is no way around it. But you are not alone, obviously, we are all with you! The first year of college is also hard. My D is on her way home from her second year at college. I can’t wait to see her! But this second year was easier for me than was last year. I don’t think it will ever be the same, and I can imagine that I will always miss her when she is gone for an extended time. That’s our lot in life. But it will settle down for you. Feel the ambiguity (happy and proud and excited for them-- sad, lonely, OLDER, empty for you-- some, if not lots) and go through it. You will figure it out in time, and it will become easier. Congratulations! Hang in there! You did a great job. You’ll be fine.</p>
<p>that is is it, your relationship with your child is being redefined and it is a loss of one type. But it can be positive. I see my neighbors young children and I am so wistful, but then think about how much I like to 'talk" to my childen. We go to concerts and watch some of the same movies etc…The kids were away for the weekend and my H and I had fun and were definately more relaxed, one said “You must have missed us” assuming we were lost without them, my H said “not really” I think my younger child will appreciate some more focused attention since her sister is the one who stirs the pot. I also wonder if it will give them more of an appreciation for us. Anyway it tis the unknown, but we will all adjust, it definately is harder getting older…</p>
<p>I have hated D’s high school since the day she started it, so graduation will be a celebration of “I’m glad were out of there”. The only things I am looking forward to are the Baccalureate service & dinner at our church ( which we love and has been such a wonderful supportive place for D), family visiting and the parties. That’s it. Sorry, the stuff involving the school will be an endurance for me.</p>
<p>I am sad that D is leaving and I will really miss her. On the other hand she is so excited about college and beginning a new chapter in her life so I am also excited for her.</p>
from her second year at college. I can’t wait to see her! But this second year was easier for me than was last year. I don’t think it will ever be the same, and I can imagine that I will always miss her when she is gone for an extended time. That’s our lot in life. But it will settle down for you. Feel the ambiguity (happy and proud and excited for them-- sad, lonely, OLDER, empty for you-- some, if not lots) and go through it. You will figure it out in time, and it will become easier. Congratulations! Hang in there! You did a great job. You’ll be fine.</p>