<p>Lorelei - that was a great idea. The thing that bothers me about the flower issue is the lesson that the girl’s mother may have taught her daughter by being angry about it. It would have been a good time to model “don’t sweat the small stuff.” I think I may feel sorry for that girl’s future husband.</p>
<p>"I look at these dances as kinds of rights of passage, whether they go alone, with a group of friends or with a date, any way it plays out, its an experience to be remembered- bad or good</p>
<p>That is why I do little things- like the perfume, the lunch before, or whatever"</p>
<p>CGM, you have a very big heart and I really admire the way you give particular attention to your girls.</p>
<p>S didn’t go last year as a Junior as he did not have anyone he wanted to go with… This year as a Senior and with a steady girlfriend, they were making plans - then he tore his ACL. Instead of trying to go on crutches and being unable to dance, they are going to a SF Giants baseball game instead - her idea and a heck of a lot cheaper!!!</p>
<p>A side of me regrets that he will never have gone to a Prom - and thinks that he will have missed part of his high school experience - but on the other hand, it is one minor part of HS…</p>
<p>A college senior’s perspective: whoever said that prom was overrated was certainly right, or at least at my HS it was this way. That said, I’ve never been to a prom so I do not know from personal experience. Senior year, I did a “boycott” and convinced three of my friends not to go, either. Overrated it may have been, but the utmost reason we boycotted was that we all didn’t have dates and having a date was the unspoken rule at my school. Things may have changed or may be different in other schools. </p>
<p>I don’t regret my actual absence at the prom, as I heard from many friends that it wasn’t fun and it’s not something I would have enjoyed. I would note, however, that not being ASKED to prom – and being among the very few not to get asked – is a huge blow to an 18-year-old girl’s ego that the girl may very well remember for a long time. Self-confident as a girl may be, it’s just one of those things that can be unnecessarily painful. This is one highlight, in my opinion, of the ludicrous “tradition” that, instead of celebrating the friendships of a graduating class, imitates a very pricey, limousine version of Noah’s Ark. My advice for the OP’s daughter, if she really wants to go to prom, would be to ask around. Maybe a friend’s brother or, preferably, an older acquaintance can accompany her. Certainly, my respect to her for going alone; but just realistically, if she’s the only one without a date, there may be a point during the night when it sinks in and causes unnecessary pain on what should have been a celebratory thing. Even if she doesn’t show it.</p>
<p>As for our “anti-prom”, we had a great time hanging out in a friend’s basement and drinking hot chocolate; but four years later, I am thinking I could have asked someone - if only to play dress-up.</p>
<p>mrezni, thanks for opening a vein. What you say is why I try to help facilitate prom. Many of us have regrets…</p>
<p>Yeah… four years later, college gala, same scenario here. By 20-something though, everyone’s calmed down – proms should take a hint from college graduation balls, where dates totally aren’t required, there’s no flashing the sparkly stuff, and freankly nobody cares what anyone else does. It’s only a big deal when you’re younger and at 18, it can hurt. OP is a wise mom to show an interest.</p>
<p>I’m a big believer in reforming the entire “prom culture”, not just the date part but the ostentatious spending, boorish behavior, and blown-up media attention, too. But that isn’t about to happen anytime soon without increased parental involvement.</p>
<p>“I hadn’t gone to my proms. H may have gone to his, but doesn’t remember.”</p>
<p>Your husband is a wise man.</p>
<p>There was a post earlier pointing out that there would be pictures. D posed for her formal picture at the prom with 2 of her girlfriends … one of the two had a “date” (friend) & all were part of a large group who went together. We still have that picture out on a shelf … those 2 girls spent many hours here, and we love them dearly.</p>
<p>For cost cutting, don’t forget the local beauty school! Updo’s & manicures are a lot less expensive there & the work is supervised. The only problem here is that you have to go early … first come, first served is the policy.</p>
<p>If there is enough time before the prom, find a great dress in a local store & do an internet search. I have been able to order dresses for less online … we knew they’d fit. </p>
<p>And limos … not necessary, unless the kids will be drinking. If that’s the case … well, spending too much money isn’t the only thing I’d worry about.</p>
<p>“then he tore his ACL. Instead of trying to go on crutches and being unable to dance, they are going to a SF Giants baseball game instead - her idea and a heck of a lot cheaper!!!”</p>
<p>That girl sounds fantastic.</p>
<p>zoosermom, I was thinking the same thing!</p>
<p>hunt,
I just sent S the link to the Duck Tape contest. WOW! He just told me in this moment of levity that he was thinking about going to the prom, but “will tell me more later.” </p>
<p>First, I have to wait for him to decide on a college, then I have to wait to hear about the prom? AGH!</p>
<p>I don’t know if your D works, but I work at a pool where many of the employees are between the ages of 16 and 19. She might ask someone at work to go with her as just a friend. </p>
<p>My friend needed a date. While talking to a co-worker who went to a different school, she discovered he didn’t have a date for his own prom, so she agreed to go to his prom, if he would come to her prom. It worked out well for both of them.</p>
<p>zoosermom - no doubt about it - it was a very classy thing for her to do - taking pressure off him as he was very worried about disappointing her…</p>
<p>Don’t know if D2 will get asked. She is very quiet. Not interested in dating but does have tons of friends. Parents of boys say their sons are intimidated by her looks and shyness!!! She is a beautiful girl (I’m biased…I know!) 
…DH is pleased that she doesn’t date. It does bother me a little bit.</p>
<p>My pretty, bright, personable daughter never dated, never went to a dance in high school. She was, and is, traditional in relations with boys. She didn’t see the point in attending a dance without a date and wouldn’t feel comfortable asking someone herself. When friends offered to set her up, she refused – wanted someone to want to attend with her.</p>
<p>When it came time for senior prom, I was the one who disappointed – to the extent that I offered to not set price limits on any dress of her choice if only she would attend. Her counter offer was that I could someday spend all the money I saved from not purchasing formals for high school dances on her wedding dress.</p>
<p>Fast forward three years, she has a sweet first boyfriend. This weekend they are attending a college dance at his insistence. He wants her to have the experience of dressing up for a formal. Aaaw. </p>
<p>(I still don’t get the experience of a mother-daughter shopping trip for a special occasion dress. She is wearing one we purchased for a vacation a few years ago.)</p>
<p>My D has always had lots of friends who were boys but few boyfriends. (In fact, she seems to prefer the company of boys over girls in general; her best friends have always been male. Hmm.) For years she went to homecoming with groups of boys and girls and had a blast. </p>
<p>At the beginning of her senior year she and one of those best friends, who is a junior, agreed that he would be her “back-up date” for prom if nothing else worked out. Fast forward to now - and he’s her “real” boyfriend and her “real” date! They are so psyched to go together.</p>
<p>Yeah, prom is expensive and kind of hokey, and in the grand scheme of things it’s really a minor blip on the road map of life. That being said, I still find myself a little choked up about it all, and we’re having a great time with the whole shopping thing (something we rarely do.) Just another one of those little rituals that senior year seems to be made of…</p>
<p>Prom is a big deal around here. I have D’s but the boys have to ask in a big way. Rose petals leading to bedrooms, glow in the dark stars on ceilings, rented musicians outside windows, etc. The more creative the better. It is CRAZY!!! Up dos, mani/pedis, $$$dresses, limos, dinner, new invisible lingerie (No PL allowed!), jewelry, purse,and pictures and on and on for the girls. It is a very expensive event.</p>
<p>Oh, and Minnesota - my H is like yours: “She doesn’t need to date until she’s older.” Me, I was of the opinion that dating is a useful skill that could be honed and practiced while still in high school, before one moved on to the Big Bad World of College Boys. (… just joking about the “bad” part!)</p>
<p>Speaking of ways to cut costs but make it special. If you live in NY or Los
Angeles you should know that motion picture costume houses rent formal
dresses as well as tuxedos, which they frequently allow to be tailored. My
D (four years ago) wore an absolutely stunning kelly green silk chiffon goddess
gown made in '51 for Deborah Kerr. Total cost for rental and tailoring $125.
And let me tell you—drop dead gorgeous and one of a kind.</p>
<p>Drop Earings at Claires: $8
Cheap Rhinestone sandals $21
Rental of Deborah Kerrs Dress $125
Look on former boyfriends face who dumped you the week previous because
you cramped his “style”: priceless</p>
<p>As adults, we all know that prom is overrated. But for the teens - especially the girls - they have to find that out for themselves. My feeling is that I prefer my kids to attend. At best, it’s a great memory/rite of passage. At worst, it’s something to laugh about later. But there’s no “substitute” activity they can do on prom night that they couldn’t do any other weekend of the year. </p>
<p>I’m trying to figure out how some previous posters came up to $1000/kid. For girls: dress = $150 - $400, mani/pedi = $80, hair = $80, share of limo = $80, shoes = $ 40 - $ 75, jewelry = $25 - $50, ticket = $40 - $80. Total cost = $495 - $ 845. For guys: tux = $100 - $200, share of limo = $80, ticket = $40 - $80. Total Cost $220 - $ 360. (As for limos, when DS went to the prom he said riding in the limo was the most fun part.)</p>
<p>BTW, Prom here includes dinner. This year’s prom tickets are $60 each, it’s being held at a nice country club. D is a soph class officer; their fundraising has done well so they are hoping to price their prom tickets for next year (they have reserved a ballroom at a nice hotel) at around $25. The fundraising their class has done will subsidize the rest of the cost.</p>