<p>No, no, no, no, NO! </p>
<p>Last year, d’s bf returned early hoping to spend time with her before school started. We liked the kid so said yes, no problem. Well, they broke up. He arranged to get back into housing early, but was stuck at our home for a while. It was awful and uncomfortable for everyone. Even if you like the kid, letting him stay the whole summer is a disaster waiting to happen. Just say no.</p>
<p>This will probably be the last summer your D comes home.
Tell her you want to spend it with her.
However, I would also include the BF in whatever vacation plans your family has- potentially.</p>
<p>" I’d sleep better at night without him in my house, but if this is what D really wants then it’s probably feasible and I would hate to further incur her wrath. "</p>
<p>^It’s your house. You are the parent, not her friend. If you would sleep better at night without him in your house, just say, NO.</p>
<p>Say no. You don’t like the BF and there is too much drama in the relationship, so you definitely don’t want that going on under your roof.</p>
<p>Suggest that if they want to live together over the summer, d + bf should both get jobs and sublet an apartment on their own. </p>
<p>I agree 100% with romanipigeyes and couldn’t say things any better than that.</p>
<p>Say no. What if they break up while he is living in your house? I’m thinking you and your husband may end up being the ones she blames for the relationship failing.</p>
<p>It is mom’s house but it is also dad’s house. It seems very unkind to bring someone he doesn’t get along with into his home for an extended period barring a dire emergency. So, no.</p>
<p>Can’t remember such a unanimous opinion out here in the past. Nope! Not a chance. Don’t even think about it. You are not a boarding house…</p>
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<p>We’ve had a few BFs stay with us, a couple for a month or so, and another for 9 months. It was a challenge with the 9 month one but it was truly a case of not having a choice at the time. His parents were mentally ill and abusive. It was never a matter of $$ for us and we would never have thought of charging them rent. I never understand the “your house” comments when this type of discussion comes up. I still think of our home being our 5Ds’ home, even though most of them don’t live here at all anymore.</p>
<p>The OP’s circumstances don’t seem to be similar to what ours were, it’s more a case of the D just wanting to be with him for the summer. Maybe they should go to his parents’ house for the summer! 
How would the OP feel about that if that’s what they decide when her request is denied?</p>
<p>I think that all of us who say “NO” are basing it on the OP’s particular circumstances. It’s not about the morality or general advisability of a boy friend moving in for the summer- it is about this particular bf & relationship. The parents do not like the BF, the relationship between daughter & BF seems to be unstable & unpredictable, and they feel that the BF treats them in a disrespectful manner.</p>
<p>The only “positive” about this particular BF moving in is that, given the circumstances, it might hasten a permanent breakup – but the family could find themselves in a difficult situation if the BF considered himself a “tenant” with the right to remain in the house past the time he was no longer welcome. </p>
<p>It’s a very different situation when your offspring have formed mature, stable relationships and there is a positive relationship between the significant other and the parents.</p>
<p>I’d add one small note: it looks like the OP has been asked by their daughter to move BF in, but they haven’t heard directly from the BF that he wants to do so. It is possible that the BF has other plans and this is the daughter’s effort to hang on to a BF who will otherwise be headed off to the “other side of the country” where his parents live. So perhaps one way to approach this would be for the OP to tell daughter that she does not think it is a good idea, but that they are open to BF discussing the situation directly with OP’s husband. If BF is man enough to deal respectfully with H, that might open the door to an improved relationship. (My guess is that would be the last OP will ever hear of it).</p>
<p>Noooo, don’t do it!
It has nothing to do with a BF living a at D’s house or premarital sex.
It’s just that their relationship is such a rollercoaster drama, DD and DBF fighting, DBF and DH fighting, DD and DH fighting; who would want to deal with that EVERY DAY during the summer? Ugh! It will age you about 10 years.</p>
<p>Your husband can’t stand him? Just say no.</p>
<p>If you adored him and got along and your daughter had a rock solid relationship I might have a different answer, but this just seems like a recipe for misery.</p>
<p>Wow-- I didn’t expect the answers to be unanimously ‘no!’ Honestly, I was already leaning toward ‘no’ and I’ve been thinking for all this time about how miserable we would all probably be, including D and her boyfriend. </p>
<p>calmom, that’s a good point. We have not heard from him directly. For all I know, their relationship is yet again on the rocks and she is just trying to prolong it by saying “see, my parents are opening up their house to you.” :rolleyes: </p>
<p>Meanwhile, D continues her reign of terror. We Skyped with her today-- H asked a simple question about her Spring Break plans (did she plan to come home, was she wanting to bring anyone) and that set her off. She accused us of trying to micromanage her life. Long story short, the call ended with a hysterical D, a sobbing me and a livid H. We are very confused by how she has been acting lately but I’m sure it’s the boyfriend and the emotional roller-coaster she’s been riding since they’ve been together. They’re breaking up and never seeing each other again, no they’re not, yes they are, no they’re not. Oy vey… What’s a polite way of telling your child that you wish her boyfriend would taking a flying leap? :-/</p>
<p>With any luck they’ll break up for real over spring break. But I’d be sort of concerned if I were you. I’d probably go visit and set eyes on DD - give her a hug, try to make a connection. She’s not doing well, it sounds like. This roller-coaster can’t be good for her studies either.</p>
<p>I agree, I think you need to make a visit. Maybe just you … and spend a little time with her and get a handle on what’s going on. Lots of warning signs here …</p>
<p>My boyfriend (now husband) did spend the summer with me at my parents’ home (300 miles from his home) in between my jr and sr years. However, we were engaged and he got on generally well with my family.</p>
<p>the fact that their relationship isn’t stable and that the BF doesn’t have the good manners not to engage in political or other touchy subjects while in someone’s home would be a recipe for disaster.</p>
<p>You really can’t win either way. Your D will be angry that you’re saying, “no,” but the truth is that if you were to say, “yes,” your home will become either a combat zone or everyone (but the BF) will be walking on eggshells. </p>
<p>And, what are y’all supposed to do when drama erupts between the couple? take sides? ignore them? ugh.</p>
<p>Also, as much as you dislike the BF, it sounds like your D has a lot of growing up to do as well. If the situation were reversed, his family might not want her drama in their household either.</p>
<p>I think you need to learn how to set some boundaries. Personally, I would say no even if the BF were the nicest guy in the world. I would not charge my family or their friends to stay here - it’s our home, not a boarding house. Sounds like the BF needs to find a place to live that he can afford, or go home for the summer. </p>
<p>Yes, it’s D’s house as well, but that doesn’t mean she gets to do whatever she wants there. I’d rather teach “the whole world doesn’t revolve around you” and “this is inappropriate” rather than “if I show my wrath, I get my way.” </p>
<p>If I were you, I would step away from the previous rhetoric or anything suggesting that your decision has anything to do with the fact that you don’t like this guy personally. That was a mistake, IMO.</p>
<p>I, too, would be very concerned about your D. This does not sound like a healthy relationship for her. I would also say no to the summer arrangement.</p>
<p>My college boyfriend (now my H for 30+ years) did live in a basement bedroom for three weeks at the end of a summer, but we had been dating for 2+ years at the time, my family adored him (and still does), and he worked like crazy the entire time he was there - landscaping, painting, etc. And there was no political talk! :)</p>
<p>A definite “no” in the situation described, but I’d say “no” even under different circumstances, just because I wouldn’t want someone living here the entire summer. She would just have to understand that she can more than make up for my selfishness when she gets her own place.</p>
<p>Joining the no club here. And I second (third) the suggestion that you visit with your daughter over spring break to get a handle on the situation. </p>
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<p>Sounds as if DBF doesn’t either.</p>