Starting this thread with hopes that it doesn’t go (IMO) too terribly off the deep end as some of the other threads with the current climate…
It dawned on me today as I was thinking about my three kids. One is married, one is in a serious relationship, one is free as a bird. She is going to be 23. Not one to really be into the dating scene through college, she did start dating this past year in grad school.
Now what? I mean, I know some kids will throw caution to the wind. My D has been pretty strict about seeing people really limiting herself to her roommate (duh), those of us here at home when she was home for awhile, and two undergrad friends that she still sees - but with SD. She is NOT anytime soon going to be going on her dating app as far as I can see!
Another thing to be a bit “sad” about. For the foreseeable future her circle is so small - all her grad school classes are on line and she’s nervous about fall not returning and even having limitations on clinicals.
What are your young adults saying about returning to dating? Or what do you foresee happening in the next several months?
My boyfriend lives across the country and usually comes to visit about every three months. I do not know when our next visit will be. He is willing to take the risk but I am not. I think that the only way I’ll be comfortable with a visit is when DS21 and I both test positive for antibodies (I think we both had it in Feb/March).
@abasket D2 is a couple of years older than your D and her bf of just under a year broke up with her 6 weeks ago in the middle of all this. She is glad she didn’t have to go in an office and is able to wfh while she gets over this guy, but she wonders what the future will hold in terms of dating and meeting someone new.
Interesting topic. I’ve wondered if this has decreased the number of unwanted pregnancies. (Maybe yes for single, no for married or living-together couples?)
I’ve heard dating apps are still very active and people are making connections online. I’ve read stories saying that perhaps it will build stronger relationships as people get to know each other more slowly, focusing less on the physical being together stuff and more on personal and cerebral connections.
^^^ Hmmm…that’s not what I’m hearing from my kids. Not saying it’s not true but my D would probably say she doesn’t have the time to waste chatting over an app with no chance to meet!
My D began dating a guy before lockdown and they had been on 4 IRL dates when NYC went into SIP. Since he is a resident and had possible exposure to Covid patients, she self-quarantined in her apartment for 2 weeks after she last saw him before coming to live with us in the suburbs. They have been doing Zoom dates including a virtual museum tour, Pictionary, and simultaneous movie viewing. They’ve also had multiple hours-long conversations. Normally, at her age (30) she would know whether she thought a relationship had long term potential after four months but these are not normal times. I suspect they will need to spend some time together in person before deciding whether this is going to go anywhere.
Though this started before and is continuing, for now, she has had many conversations with her single friends about meeting new people during this time. They are using dating apps and having video chats, getting to know each other a bit and assuming that a first IRL date will be a socially distanced walk outside rather than the usual drink or coffee. It’s such an uncertain time for everything.
My S recently experienced the end of a long-term relationship. He is on a couple dating sites, and he has been chatting quite a bit with one particular young woman. In his case, taking it slowly is a good thing. He is working on some changes in his life, and he has the time to devote to himself right now.
During a pandemic in the age of social distancing, lots of people DO have that time more than ever. One can always move off the app to other forms of distanced contact when one reaches a level of comfort with that person.
Both of my kids are in long term relationships. One lives with her BF and they are moving together in June. Don’t expect any changes.
The other was living with her BF but he joined the army in March so they gave up the apartment and she moved back to Wyo. One day later (ONE DAY) the army delayed his report date indefinitely. So now he’s in Indiana and she’s in Wyo.
The one whose life changed the most is my nephew. He took a new job in Wash DC in Dec and his girl friend of 4 years stayed in Denver. Their plans were to see each other 1-2 times a month, usually with him coming out to ski once and her traveling there (both have long weekends every other week). That worked fine until March. Now they are both working from home so decided to do it together. I think this will cause them to move up any marriage plans.
A friend of mine has been meeting several guys on dating apps and getting together with them. Several times. Recently. She asked me if I wanted to get together with her to visit since I was going near her condo to pick up some things from the office the other day. I diplomatically declined.
@abasket - my ds is the same age as your dd. To my knowledge, he has not ever been in a relationship, but I think he has gone on some dates. I did jokingly tell him that one good thing about the pandemic was I wouldn’t be bugging him asking him if he were seeing anyone! I hadn’t thought about whether or not he was on online dating apps during this time. I don’t know if he is anyway. I just don’t ask many questions. They are usually met with resistance and one-word answers. He just doesn’t like my asking about it, and I can tell doing so bugs him.
Ds has a roommate, and they have two other guy friends who are also roommates in the same building. I think there are only ten units in the building. One of the other two friends went to stay with his parents when the stay at home started. Ds’s roommate has a gf and the friend in the building has a gf who is a roommate to ds’s roommate’s gf. Roommate’s gf had set up the in-the-same-building friend with one her roommates - that’s how they got together. I hope that is making sense! I had previously asked if roommate’s gf didn’t have another friend/roommate for dh! That was only met with a chuckling, “No.” The five of them do all see each other, though the two female roommates live in a different building. They refer to it as their “web of connection.” It makes me sad that ds is a 5th wheel in this group.
It’s a British newspaper, so most of the daters are based in the U.K., but it’s been fascinating to read about the virtual blind dates the matched daters have. By and large, they seem to be pretty successful and the participants like that there’s less pressure on the date. I recommend reading these if you want a taste of what the dating world is like at the moment.
We had our first “social gathering” last night, since early March. Two friends came over and we sat outside by the fire all night and talked. They brought all their own drinks and snacks. It was great to do something normal. Anyway, these friends have a son who has dated the same girl for four years now. The girl’s father is very strict about her meeting her boyfriend. (The father is somewhat of a “public figure” and doesn’t want to risk getting Covid.) These kids have seen each other only a few times since March, and then only for an hour or two, and only in places where they can socially distance. I don’t know what the effect has been on their relationship, but hats off to them for abiding by the parent’s wishes.
@Lindagaf – how old are those kids you were talking about? Just curious.
my s20 has started meeting up with several different groups of girls along with some of his friends. Small groups (like 4-6). I don’t think of this as dating, but they are being social.
@bgbg4us these are 20 year olds. Both just completed soph year of college. Sorry, I should have said that, as it gives more context.
Last night, we let our son meet up with three friends. It’s his first time doing that since N.Y. went on SAH orders. The gov just lifted restrictions to gatherings of ten or fewer, but I’m not comfortable yet with him seeing more than three other people. He lives with us, and he’s been very respectful of our rules.
My daughter has been dating a nice guy for over a year. He lives in her college town, 500 miles from here. He has never traveled much so isn’t comfortable driving here. D just went to see him last week. There hasn’t been a single new case reported in his county in two weeks, so I didn’t mind. She last saw him in March and probably won’t see him again until August (IF her university holds its commencement ceremony as planned). It’s really tough on both of them but they seem committed to each other.
DD’19 has seen her boyfriend for one hour since 3/13. It was last weekend. At the time we got the impression that they could start seeing each other again but his mom has locked him down again. That hour was good for her, he’s not great with the phone stuff and she needed a reminder of how he is in person. They hadn’t seen each other much since the beginning of the year either and it’s been rough on her. Our county has had 6 cases, some of which have recovered. I would let them see each other if his mom would…
Thanks for the responses. All interesting to read. All different circumstances.
I think it’s one thing (doesn’t mean it’s easier though) when a relationship is/was already started to a degree. Another thing to be “starting from scratch” now.
My 29 year old nephew has been on the dating sites during this. He’s met someone who lives in northern VA, where he is about to move next week. They haven’t met in person yet, but I think that’s happening this week when he goes down there from PA to check out the apartment he has rented. They have been messaging and chatting online constantly. We shall see…
One can always move off the app to other forms of distanced contact when one reaches a level of comfort with that person.