<p>My 16 year old daughter was telling me about the restrictions and rules one of her friends has for dating. Until now, my daughter has had no interest in the topic for herself , but things seem to change fast at this age! </p>
<p>What rules and expectations did you establish for your teens?</p>
<p>Rule #1 No sex.</p>
<p>Wow, that seems like a million years ago! I’m sure we had many rules, but here are the ones that come to mind (I think I’m blocking that whole era. :rolleyes: )</p>
<p>Curfew, and we were strict about adherence. I think we started with midnight and later stretched it to 1.
The boy had to come into the house to pick her up.
We expected an itinerary.
She had to have her phone with her, and promise to answer if we texted or called. (We never did, but the threat was thus established.)</p>
<p>LasMa’s rules and ours were actually similar. We told the girls they were not allowed to date at all. ;). But in truth, they just needed to talk with us about it. We were more for group dates and/ or “courting”.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Reminds me of a tweet I once saw-</p>
<p>“And my daddy said “Stay away from Juliet”/ But my daddy doesn’t weigh in on my brother’s sexual decisions/ Does he?”</p>
<p>(The original lyrics to the song were “And my daddy said, “Stay away from Juliet”/ And I was crying on the staircase begging you/ Please don’t go”)</p>
<p>My parents’ rules were: if you’re out past midnight, call. We want to know roughly where you’re going if we don’t know who you’re with well. Don’t come home pregnant.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>This is exactly the sort of thing I did NOT say to my kids. </p>
<p>Of course, I would prefer that they didn’t come home pregnant. Teenage pregnancy is a terribly sad situation, where none of the outcomes is truly a happy one. But if it did happen, I wouldn’t want my daughter to have to hide it from me. </p>
<p>I did point out to my son that in our culture, a young woman cannot be forced to become a parent against her will, but a young man can – if he gets in a situation where his partner becomes pregnant. In that situation, all the choices are the girl’s, and a boy had better understand that.</p>
<p>Marian, my parents NEVER would’ve wanted me to hide it. It was more about making sure I used protection.</p>
<p>Here are some informal rules my parents had:
-Always use a condom (they gave me a box of them when I was about 16)
-Know the signs of domestic abuse
-Make sure he’s not an awful person
-Tell us if you’re pregnant</p>
<p>I only got my first real boyfriend a few months before I turned 18, and he was a couple years younger than me. His mom also worked for the FBI investigating child sex trafficking so my parents never had to worry about us. After all, the last thing I wanted was to get investigated by the FBI for inappropriate contact.</p>
<p>
You don’t know whether cromette only has daughters which could be why she referred specifically to girls. Don’t make assumptions.</p>
<p>
HA! Never would this ever happen in my household. </p>
<p>The Golden Rule: No sex. Have sex? Serious repercussions. Get pregnant? Pack up your bags because you’re not living in this house anymore.</p>
<p>To my relief, our two oldest daughters didn’t want to date in high school. They went out in big boy-girl groups to movies, went to proms with friends, etc. I say “to my relief” because I honestly didn’t and don’t have a clue about what rules I’d have imposed. When I read the thread title, I was thinking more in terms of “no dating until [fill in the blank], your date has to come to the door and meet us, we need to know where you’re going, you have to be back by [fill in the blank], etc.”</p>
<p>I honestly never would have said “no sex” because I don’t know how I’d have enforced that as a rule. We talked forever about sex in the context of a serious relationship and what the serious consequences of having sex could be, but it always seemed to me that this would have to be their own decision. I wouldn’t have wanted my girls to feel they had to hide that part of their lives from me, so I wouldn’t have assigned serious repercussions, as Niquii says. What might those be, if you don’t mind telling us? I’m asking with respect, though my standards are different from your family’s.</p>
<p>Our youngest d did have a steady boyfriend in high school, whom she started dating at the end of her junior year. We came up with rules as we went along, but finally relaxed on the curfew when he was pulled over for speeding one night in an attempt to get her home by the appointed hour.</p>
<p>It’s not so much rules, but be choosy on who you become boy/girl friend.</p>
<p>Around here, you have to be home at midnight because of driving laws - so that took the blame off of us.</p>
<p>Wake me up when you get home (date or anything)</p>
<p>Don’t date someone you would be embarrassed to have meet us.</p>
<p>Decide before you are put in the situation of how far is far enough. I shared with my kids that I’ve never regretted not sleeping around more. Even kisses are special.</p>
<p>I hope with my kids - and I have a boy and a girl, that I’ve taught them to treat others with kindness and respect. And specifically have told my son to respect a girl, even if she hasn’t been raised to respect herself. </p>
<p>And lastly, never ever be afraid to come tell me anything. Never get in the car with anyone who has had a drink, never drive if you have had a drink. I will always help you and support you through anything and you are more important to me than anything else. Remember the goals and dreams you have for yourself and what it takes to accomplish them.</p>
<p>And, if you really aren’t comfortable coming to me - think of a few close family members or family friends you could go to for help or to talk. You aren’t alone.</p>
<p>So I’m guessing my “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy wouldn’t pass muster here?</p>
<p>Sorry, but my kid’s been away from home (at school) for two years now, so I’m really not in a position to be setting rules. All I can do is trust him.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Both of these are false.</p>
<p>The general rule is to do nothing that is permanent:
<p>Dont make decisions under the influence of substances.</p>
<p>Empower your daughters as much as possible. See that they get their driver’s license on time. When girls can drive themselves, they are free to leave a situation at any time (for any reason)</p>
<p>Snugapug, I agree. Get them some self defense training; I recommend Krav Maga.</p>
<p>By the time my kids were in high school, I didn’t have too many rules for them. However, we worked something out early on. Any time they were invited to do something they found potentially problematic they said their parents wouldn’t let them do that. Our kids made of lots of rules for themselves and attributed them to us. I think that worked pretty well for our family. Husband and I have a reputation in some quarters as being really really strict.</p>