<p>^ no rules for HS aged kids? You must have angels as kids…or maybe a flower child from the 60’s perhaps…lol</p>
<p>My daughter has been taking Krav Maga for about a year or so. It’s great. What my husband and I like is that she has bigger biceps than the boys she hangs with (Robotics team) and they are a little afraid of her.</p>
<p>When she first started dating, we had some issues - we were often unaware when she would be coming home. The boy’s parents were very helpful with developing rules - they used something like a “permission slip”. She had to tell us 1) where she was going; 2) who she would be with; 3) who was driving; 4) a telephone number of the place she was going or adult (neither she nor bf could drive); and if they were going to a second place, she had to say who was driving again and we needed another phone number. Finally we needed to know when she would be back home. All written down. Any deviation from this itinerary could result in grounding.</p>
<p>That may sound strict but she also knew that if she felt unsafe or parents were not around, I would come pick her up no matter where. No questions asked.</p>
<p>When we were growing up, I honestly don’t recall having any rules other than try not to sully the family name. Can’t recall any rules we fave kids other than NO driving after any drinking–we’d pick up with no Qs asked (never were asked to).</p>
<p>Tradition Muslim parents = no dating ever</p>
<p>-_-</p>
<p>Ah, that’s right- I did have a fourth rule. It was no drinking and driving. After my dad almost died from a drunk driver and was left disabled for the rest of his life, I forget that it could be construed as a rule. For me, it’s a fact of life- like don’t be a cannibal.</p>
<p>My girls were told that they couldn’t date until they were 15.<br>
They couldn’t date anyone who were more than 2 years older than them, and definitely no one in college.
They couldn’t get in a car with anyone until I’ve had a test drive with the boy.
Anyone they wanted to date had to come to our house for us to meet first. </p>
<p>D1 didn’t have a boyfriend in high school and D2 had few very short term BFs, so I didn’t have to deal with sex issues until they were in college. Our rules were communicated very early on, so there were no surprises when the girls wanted to start dating. I was happy that they delayed in having BFs until they were in college.</p>
<p>My kids went to a small high school where we knew most kids. A lot of them also knew we were rather strict (or crazy), so I think many boys thought twice before they asked our girls out.</p>
<p>@oldfront- Strict? Maybe the car thing, but other than that your rules seem pretty reasonable.</p>
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<p>College! :D</p>
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I can’t be the only Muslim kid who is okay with this :/</p>
<p>The car thing may sound a bit crazy, but I really didn’t feel comfortable having my kid get in a car with someone with only few months of driving (alone) experience, especially at night.</p>
<p>Many states have graduated driving laws, but they could probably go farther.
[State</a> Graduated Driver Licensing (GDL) Laws](<a href=“http://www.ghsa.org/html/stateinfo/laws/license_laws.html]State”>| GHSA)
Both kids have LDs that made driving in high school not a good idea ( oh look shiny!), but their friends, specially youngests, are uber responsible.
I do not know how she does it, many of the friends I had in my teens & twenties, were flakes.</p>
<p>Telling a teenager “no sex” is like telling the sun not to ride. When my DS was in high school we knew parents that said they had told their kids this and we positive they obeyed. We asked my DS and he just laughed.</p>
<p>Iron Maiden, there has to be a certain level of respect the kid has for their parents for the “No sex” Rule to work.</p>
<p>It’s not respect it’s biology. There is plenty of data showing just say does not work. But if parents want to fool themselves that’s their problem. I found that education and communication worked for us. To each their own.</p>
<p>An unofficial rule that we all understood was that if either S or D was too tired or unable to drive for any reason, I would cheerfully do so, no Qs asked. This relates to their chronic health issues and extreme fatigue.</p>
<p>One other rule we had is that when we drove, NO ONE would be left alone waiting to be picked up. We would transport the individual or wait for the ride.</p>
<p>These were not dating rules per se, they were just what we lived by so we could sleep restfully at night. :)</p>
<p>There may be biology involved, but a teen has some level of self-control. </p>
<p>The rule of “No sex” is not simply saying no sex. It’s communicating with your child your expectations of them, explaining why your stance is your stance, educating them on the consequences, and the readjusting based on the circumstances and beliefs. </p>
<p>Whether you want to believe it or not, the rule can work. It does not work for every child or family. But it does work. They aren’t fools. The only fool is a person who believes a teen can’t function without having sex.</p>
<p>Iron Maiden, it’s definitely FAR from impossible to abstain from sex. Actually a LOT of kids do. A lot of ADULTS do. </p>
<p>D1 went on a couple of dates in high school - but no boy-girl alone in a car dates. They were all group dates. She went wild in college. I was not shocked.</p>
<p>D2 went on a couple of lunch dates and one dinner date at a restaurant 5 minutes from the house and then straight home. Waited until college to really find a boyfriend. He was raised very strictly too. We love him AND his parents. They’ve been together now for over a year.</p>
<p>D3 went on a date with a buddy to prom, and they were in a group. Not he and she alone in a car. And they were just friends and we met his parents. It was actually sort of an awkward date. She wasn’t too interested in dating guys she’d known since kindergarten. It’s just sort of weird. She’s hoping college will introduce tons of new friends with similar interests that don’t think of her as the same kid they’ve known forever.</p>
<p>We were “strict” by my kids’ friends standards. We didn’t allow the girls to date, as a general rule. If there was someone they felt strongly they wanted to go out with (D2), they came to us and made our case, and we would discuss it with them, and let them go out. Usually a special event, to lunch or in a group for a few times…and then we’d just see what happened from there.</p>
<p>All the standard rules apply. No sex, no drugs, no drinking, curfew - generally just conduct yourself the same way you always do and the way you know we expect you to. We have to meet the guy, and know stuff about him…religion, family, interests, grades, etc. We prefer to meet the parents too. We have to have his phone number and prefer to have his parents phone number too. Our kids had to text when they get to their destination, and before they leave to come home and any time they change venues.</p>
<p>Niquii, almost no one is arguing that the no sex rule NEVER works. Of course it does. There are plenty of teens that don’t have sex. However, it’s proven that abstinence only education correlates with higher rates of STIs and teen pregnancy. I see no reason to believe that that doesn’t hold true in households that teach no sex. </p>
<p>If a teen wants to have sex, odds are VERY good that he/she will have sex. Might as well make it the safest sex possible.</p>
<p>IME, about the same number of people had sex that came from no sex households as those households that taught safer sex. However, every single person that I personally knew in high school that got pregnant came from an absolutely no sex household YMMV.</p>
<p>Romani, does forcing someone to learn the signs of an abusive relationship before s/he starts dating prevent the teenager from getting into one? You seem to be an expert on this topic.</p>
<p>Of course education doesn’t always work. (Just as teaching about contraception doesn’t ensure that every teen will use safer sex practices)
However, when we teach women (of all ages) about the signs of all types of abuse (physical, emotional, etc) and give them the resources to help themselves out of the situation, they have a much better chance of surviving and breaking the cycle. </p>
<p>I do think it’s extremely important to teach teens (male and female) about intimate partner violence. Too many young women (primarily) think it’s all about physical violence and don’t recognize that control is abusive as well (not surprising since almost all education about intimate partner violence focuses on the physical aspect). Teaching people from a young age about the signs of abuse and how to get help does help them to break out of abusive relationships. (Here’s a good resource if anyone needs help with this topic: [CDC</a> - Teen Dating Violence - Intimate Partner Violence - Violence Preventtion - Injury](<a href=“http://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/intimatepartnerviolence/teen_dating_violence.html]CDC”>http://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/intimatepartnerviolence/teen_dating_violence.html))</p>
<p>I wish intimate partner violence was taught in health classes right alongside contraception. (Wishful thinking)</p>
<p>Yes, bullying and partner violence are important topics, but it is tough to figure out how and where it can and will be taught. Ideailly, families would impart it to their kids, but that is problematic if the family doesn’t have a healthy model for the youth to emulate. Schools are pretty overwhelmed trying to teach all the subjects and depth they are charged with covering, without adding more to their curriculum.</p>
<p>Positive self image, though much maligned as being over-rated does play a role, I firmly believe. Tough to have answers when we don’t all even agree on the qustions or answers.</p>