<p>Treat your date as you’d want someone to treat your sister was the mantra I heard growing up. What we have passed on is “treat your date as you’d want someone to treat your female cousin” (since they don’t have any sisters)…</p>
<p>Our kids knew about sex and about birth control and about STDs and protection. They also knew that sex before marriage was not something that we supported and our reasons for it.</p>
<p>These are not mutually exclusive. You can teach abstinence AND also educate. Discussion about sex was not taboo AT ALL in our house. There were serious discussions, jokes, and very open conversation about those matters - and still are into young adulthood. Sex is sort of an important thing…even to those who are abstinent. :)</p>
<p>Romani, I wish I had done more ACTIVE teaching about abusive relationships. I think it might have helped my oldest.</p>
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<p>Men can be abused too :rolleyes:</p>
<p>Yes, they can. I did say men and women in the beginning of my post and proceeded to use women throughout as they are the vast majority of abuse victims. ALL of my post is applicable to both young men and women.</p>
<p>ETA: That line that you quote is backed by statistics. I honestly don’t know any statistics of men getting out of relationships when they’ve been educated about what is and is not abuse.</p>
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<p>Nope.</p>
<p>[The</a> invisible domestic violence ? against men | Nicola Graham-Kevan | Comment is free | guardian.co.uk](<a href=“http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2011/jun/07/feminism-domestic-violence-men]The”>The invisible domestic violence – against men | Nicola Graham-Kevan | The Guardian)</p>
<p>From that link, 70% of DV injuries are to women and 75% of deaths are to women. What am I missing?</p>
<p>ETA: Of course, when I try to look at the data directly, it links you to a general site (not the study it’s supposedly referencing) where I can’t find the raw data :(</p>
<p>The 50/50 assault statistic.</p>
<p>I really, really wish I could see how they drew those conclusions. I don’t like reading articles about data… I like reading data 
To me, that data suggests that men know how to break the cycle before it becomes physical whereas women do not. </p>
<p>Anyway, I said in the post that you quoted that men AND women need to taught about the signs of abuse. Yes, men are victims of abuse. Yes, they need to be taught what abuse is, too. </p>
<p>I’m still sticking with the majority of DV victims are women. Now I will let the thread get back on track as it’s not about women vs men victims. NEITHER should be a victim and both young men and young women should be empowered to get out of those types of relationships.</p>
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<p>We also had this rule and was wasn’t unofficial; it was explicit. It also applied if their date/friend/ride was unable to drive.</p>
<p>We had the “We will pick you up, no questions asked” rule too. Not just for dating, but anytime, anyplace, no matter what. Not just if someone couldn’t drive. If you’re just somewhere you’re suddenly not comfortable.</p>
<p>Yea, I agree that neither men nor women should have to suffer from abuse.</p>
<p>The article’s two years old, so the links are outdated. From what I could find, you either need to subscribe to a journal, or search through that horrible BCS website depending on the data you’re looking for.</p>
<p>I have absolutely no dating rules for my daughters. I placed them all on birth control as soon as they started menstruating and encouraged them to date. Also, encouraged the use of condoms if sex were to occur (of course I don’t want them having sex). Neither one wants to date or have ever dated, neither one wants to hang out and neither one maintains contact with friends outside of school. Neither one has a text or phone call to a non parent on their cell phones. As they have mentioned over and over, we are so busy with hobbies and happy with our lives, we don’t want to deal with any potential issues boys or our friends might bring to our lives. I am happy with that for now but I am also concerned that they might remain this way in the future. If and when the first boy shows up, I will deal with it then. I think depending on the way children are raised, ground rules may have to be set when they start dating.</p>
<p>niquii77, certainly there are teens and adults who abstain by choice. I never said there were not. My point is that parents simply saying “no sex” is naive at best. Most kids will have sex in their teens. That is a statistical fact. Our rule was “we prefer you don’t. Here’s why. Here are things to consider. Here are the dangers. It is your decision.”</p>
<p>Frugal doctor -really? If that is a real situation I feel sorry for your girls. Interaction with friends,both ups and downs, is so important to development. </p>
<p>My d13 has been dating the same guy for almost 2 years. We talk pretty open about sex and to this point I believe her when she tells me they are not having sex. Her bf gets serious grief from his buddies though and she also gets grief from one of her girlfriends. I am glad that she has had this relationship in a “controlled” environment so when she goes to college next month she has had some relationship experience. </p>
<p>I have a good friend who had a daughter go to college who has never been kissed. It made her very nervous because you really don’t want that first experience to be alone in a dorm room!</p>
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<p>My message was slightly different, but roughly: “we prefer you not be active until you feel that you are ready. Do not feel pressured to do something you don’t want to do; when will you know that you want to? Trust me, it will not be subtle, you will know. Your parents enjoyed their sexual life as teens and before they met each other; it’s a wonderful part of being alive but should not be rushed. Here are some ways that you can respect yourself and your partner. Here are some ways to stay safe. Nothing good comes from kissing and telling. A potential partner pressuring you in uncomfortable ways should be backed off firmly and decisively. If there’s a problem, no matter how embarrassing it might feel to discuss it, I will respect your feelings and trust when you discuss it with me.”</p>
<p>I don’t have any religious reasons to prevent my kids from being active sexually; my goals were to have them ready to enjoy it without emotional friction and without duress for themselves or their partner. My younger daughter is 2 years younger than my son, and she is enjoying age-appropriate intimacy, and is “ramping it up” at a pace that is comfortable for her. Both kids respect their partner, and frankly, they chose their partners wisely.</p>
<p>Back when it was not easy to prevent pregnancy and STDs, I can understand the restrictions placed on teens. Consequences were dire. The only (non-religious) reasons for abstinence now are not being psychologically and emotionally ready, and that is different for every child.</p>
<p>^^^Great post.</p>
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<p>I wanted to add something here since the Hook-Up thread, and now this thread, have finally touched on the safe (or “safer”) sex issue. When I got my kids safe sex pamphlets from our local university health clinic to read when they hit puberty, I was rather amazed at how “not easy” it was to be as safe as possible. In a sexually active high school environment, where almost inevitably we can expect partners to change from time to time, I think it is imperative kids understand exactly how to keep themselves as safe as possible. I agree with poetgrl (other thread) that planning your sex life to the extent of getting tested beforehand is responsible behavior. You can make testing a rule, but it may be difficult to enforce. I think you can enforce reading and understanding the literature on safe sex. In my experience HIV seems impossible to teens, but the possibility of Herpes really gets their attention.</p>
<p>My tendency was always to rather overwhelm my children with information. By the time they were in high school, they had been presented (repeatedly) with all the ramifications of various sorts of reckless behaviors. The point of my previous post was not that we had few rules, but that we couldn’t have predicted what sorts of rules would have been necessary to protect our kids. They needed to be able to say we had made rules (for which we couldn’t have predicted the need) to be able to protect themselves. We needed to be the scapegoats. When they were a bit older, they were able to just say “no, that’s not for me”</p>
<p>^^^ I always tell the kids, go ahead, make me the “bad cop.” I don’t mind.</p>
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However, an abstinence only education may correlate with teens having sex less in general (which I suppose doesn’t really matter to many), though the ones that do have sex tend to end up with horrible consequences.</p>
<p>This may be an unpopular opinions, but if a teenager chooses not to respect their parents’ rule of “no sex,” then it is the teenager, not the parents or school education, who is at fault.</p>