<p>I think that in the end this topic, for a lot of people-mostly those in conservative households, this is a religious question, one that cannot be separated from the family’s way of life. For them (most of the teens who kind of took over this thread, for example), to go against parental rules is as bad as an illegal crime. So to them, sex before marriage is not only wrong, it goes against everything they believe in, as with ANY religious-based rule in their home, like the way they eat, worship, dress, etc. So sure, they happily comply with the no-sex rule along with everything else their parents tell them. To them it’s as natural as breathing, and they can’t understand why anyone would feel otherwise.</p>
<p>But many of us don’t live that way, and while we expect our children to listen to us, don’t bundle our child-raising into religion. We’re more flexible about things because we allow some give and take. So even though we might not agree with another secular rule in other families, it’s neither here nor there to US, since we understand there are differences that we do not believe are either “right” or “wrong”.</p>
<p>It’s when someone comes along (wherever, not just here) telling us there is One True Way and everyone else is wrong that things get heated. </p>
<p>The way I’ve done it-answer every question about sex and relationships as honestly as you can as early as your kids ask them. Tell them your personal beliefs and values and why, but allow for open discussion instead of conversation ending comments like, “Because I said so.”</p>
<p>My two oldest didn’t date singly-it was always in groups, although my S didn’t date much at all. My older D had two BF’s in HS, one i didn’t like, the other was ok. It was always a group thing with them, and no one drives much before they’re 18 here so no car issues. Everyone takes public transportation.</p>
<p>My youngest seems to have friends who are into the group dating thing but she’s only a rising HS freshman. No dates for her yet. The one thing we’ve already impressed on her is the one many here have-call us any time anywhere if you need to get away from any bad situation.</p>
<p>I am a former DV counselor so all three have heard about the issues surrounding teen dating violence, what to look for, and to come to me, etc. </p>
<p>My youngest is more conservative that H and I, but I’ve still taught her about birth control-not because I want her to HAVE sex, but so I know she knows how to be safer if she DOES. </p>
<p>But as for people who think it’s fine and good to toss a kid out for getting pregnant too young, I like the approach of a friend’s very conservative church-they run a home for teen moms who have been thrown away by strict parents. They help the girls find housing, jobs, education-things their parents should be doing. They do this whether or not the girls are OF that religion, all they ask is that the girls listen to their teachings. They do not promote anything but their getting on their feet. I happily donate to them when I can even though I would never join their church.</p>