<p>Echo what VeryHappy said. Good job, mom - hang in there. With any luck and some careful stepping, this will be a just a bump in the road passed over very soon.</p>
<p>It’s actually a good learning experience to have this soon. Good for her to take stock of stuff and to be self-aware. It will make her stronger.</p>
<p>Sounds like a smart and kind young lady. You’ve done well.</p>
<p>How frightening this must be for your daughter and you. My daughter had a problem a couple of months ago with a security guard that patrols the neighborhood ( sort of intertwined with her campus ) She didn’t tell me initially , but did after it became a concern. What was scary to me was that this person was hostile towards her and had the key to the apartment…I can’t remember what started it , but the guy pounded on the door of the apartment on a weeknight, very late. He was trying to blame them for putting garbage outside which they had not…all three of the girls were sleeping and were wakened by him pounding on the door. It was completely out of line.
My daughter alerted the landlord, who took care of it with the security company and there haven’t been any further problems. Clearly this man had a problem directed at my daughter in particular. No one should fear the people who are supposed to protect them.</p>
<p>I hope your daughter can move out of there and just put this behind her. Good luck !</p>
<p>Wow, I don’t have a daughter, so maybe I’m not as sensitive to the situation, but letting a total stranger force you to move seems like something that kind of makes you a victim. I would investigate a CHL (but then I am also a Texan) and until then get a Taser. I would hold the Taser in my hand while walking to/from my car and while walking the dog. If there’s a big burly neighbor I’d explain the situation to him and walk my dog in front of his apartment. I agree with making the situation known to the security guard(s).</p>
<p>And how nice of the policewoman to provide her cell#. I’d write her supervisor a nice letter!</p>
<p>There will ALWAYS be creepy guys and sometimes you just have to deal with them.</p>
<p>AllThisIsNewToMe,</p>
<p>Fellow Texan, I agree on the CHL if she has the right composition to actually use a gun. Taser - definitely. Mace, definitely.</p>
<p>As far as moving - it just depends. We don’t know what all was in that 8 page letter, and this is a home she has to come back to every day…alone…with him right there. If moving is a viable solution - I would definitely consider it, and would do it with my head held high, not feeling like a victim…just saying.</p>
<p>If it was my own D. I would have moved her by now. Situation as described in OP does not look like normal to me.</p>
<p>^^^I was wondering the same thing.</p>
<p>I hope many of these responses are over-reactions, but without actually reading the letter (8 pages is a lot) and experiencing the “vibe” (Is it goofy creepy, scary creepy, chillingly scary?) it is impossible to tell how much of a reaction is warranted. For those saying they would have moved their daughter, after making the huge effort and expense of moving - breaking the old lease, signing a new lease, hiring movers to move all that furniture, how do you even find a place that accepts a dog? What would you then do if a new ten page letter from the same guy showed up at her new apartment? What I am saying is, immediately moving and hiding might be an over-reaction and ineffective at this point.</p>
<p>I don’t have the statistics to back this up, but I think there are many socially awkward guys out there that can come across as creepy but are not dangerous. Unfortunately, I don’t know how to distinguish them from the dangerous ones.</p>
<p>
Wow - sounds like middle school.</p>
<p>I was about to write what ‘NJres’ wrote - that this guy can either have some real issues, which could be dangerous, or just be socially awkward, which could be just…awkward. Some socially awkward guys do some strange things like writing notes rather than talking face to face and perhaps even mentioning ‘inappropriate things’ when he barely knows her (not that he should mention them later either).</p>
<p>It’s a good idea to check the sex offender registry - this is usually quick and easy.</p>
<p>On the plus side there are apparently no threats. If there were she could at least get a restraining order against him fwiw. Has she told him explicitly that she’s not interested in him romantically? That can sometimes be enough to turn the person away. I suppose the police visit should have gotten that message across.</p>
<p>Nevertheless, one never knows when something like this can turn from socially awkward to dangerous. It also means that she’s not comfortable living there. She CAN move if she wants - she doesn’t need permission from the landlord. The visit to the landlord is only about money - i.e. getting her deposit back, but if she feels unsafe living there then she should just vacate asap and forego the deposit if need be. She should head out looking for another place now unless she no longer feels scared about this.</p>
<p>Njres,</p>
<p>I don’t know where OP’s D is, but it’s not difficult here to find a place that will accept a dog. The issue is that right now, this guy knows where she lives and can actually see her coming and going. If she moves, that will not be the case. And as the title suggests, she is currently afraid, not feeling safe where she is.</p>
<p>Leaving an 8 page note for a girl you hardly know telling her that “she is the one” is creepy in a big way. For a some women living alone, it may actually be terrifying. Very innappropriate, very creepy.</p>
<p>Ugh. I hate it that there are people like this in the world that become obsessed over someone. I hope this person is just weird and harmless, for everyone’s sake. I think that your daughter should listen to her gut, and if that means moving, then so be it.</p>
<p>OP - If she wants to move and doesn’t have enough funds for the deposit on a new place if she has to forfeit the deposit on this place maybe you can offer to assist her in that if you have the means. That at least makes the decision easier for her by eliminating the financial component of the equation. She shouldn’t let the loss of a deposit keep her from getting into a place where she feels safer.</p>
<p>One other thought but not as good as finding a completely different place - if this is a large complex maybe she can just switch units to one at the polar opposite end from where this guy is. At least then he wouldn’t be able to see her coming/going and they wouldn’t encounter each other so easily. This won’t work if it’s a small complex or if she’s renting from an individual owner and she’d probably feel better in a completely different complex.</p>
<p>OP: Your daughter needs to move. An 8 page rambling letter is more than enough warning.</p>
<p>I was just going to say what GladGradDad did. If moving is not a feasible option, either because of finances or because of dog, maybe there’s another place in the complex she can move to so she won’t be visible to him. </p>
<p>Another thing I don’t think anyone has mentioned is for her to be talking on her cell phone to someone whenever she arrives home. She can use a hands-free device if she wants, but I think someone might think twice about accosting someone who is talking to someone else on the phone. </p>
<p>Another suggestion would be to leave a light on in her apartment at all times. That way, it is not obvious just from the light whether she is there or not.</p>
<p>Watch the movie “The Lovely Bones”</p>
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<p>That is not a safe assumption, and is part of the reason I hope the OP’s daughter can get the guy to back off so she doesn’t have to move. If he IS truly creepy rather than “just weird and harmless,” he will find her. Especially these days, with social media, company websites, and public records online, being anonymous is harder than ever.</p>
<p>Re the suggestions about tasers and mace - remember that in some jurisdictions, these are illegal. Even for self-defense. Check the local laws and with her local police.</p>
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<p>Was that intended to be helpful? I’m sure the OP is already frightened enough without other posters helping her to imagine the worst.</p>
<p>I’ve read most of this thread. This guy is making me uncomfortable. I think your D needs to move. It’s not fair, and it’s expensive, but to be where Creepy Guy could see my every move would give me the heebie jeebies!</p>
<p>My suggestion about her dog is to teach it to bark on command. I had a Sheltie that would bark on command – and was able to give the impression that she might attack or bite on my command also. It was very useful when I had delivery guys at the house that I wasn’t totally comfortable with. They watched her bark on signal … and then asked if she bit. My answer – only on command. </p>
<p>Good luck – let us know how it goes.</p>
<p>So sorry for this situation. It sounds like the first note could be a reflection of many things, some awkward, but benign. Like others, I view the 8 page rambler as an indication of something potentially more serious. That said, what could be more serious for the writer is not necessarily more dangerous to the daughter directly. I just would have to err on the side of caution.</p>
<p>Did the police tell the neighbor he is not to be near daughter or on her townhouse “property”? Is there such a thing as a restraining order in this type of situation? Just curious, though I don’t feel like it would be an answer, especially with such proximity. Moving seems like the only alternative. Your daughter is most impressive. </p>
<p>This is a longshot, but perhaps she could bring the letter to her campus security office and see if, as a courtesy, they would have any suggestions beyond what she had done so far. That said, I would be doing it also to note if they had any response at all to the full name of her neighbor. Sometimes, stuff doesn’t make public record, but people can make themselves known on campus. Confidentiality issues are indeed real, but “indirect” info might help. </p>
<p>Good luck with this. I think it resonates for all of us.</p>
<p>travelnut, that’s a very good idea. I imagine there are communication channels between the campus police and the local police. If there is anything troubling that the campus police know about, they could tell the local police so they are aware.</p>