<p>She started with the campus police and they kept a copy of the letter but they sent her to the city police because they had no jurisdiction over alums. They are the ones that confirmed he was an alum though. Re Lovely Bones, don’t need more fo the imagination, there have been enough disapearances in our area. She’s being cautious now and talking to a friend of a friend who teaches self defense for women. She is helping with strategies. No decision on moving yet but she is still staying with friends. Good idea re the dog. I’ll mention it to her.</p>
<p>If this guy is truly creepy then he will find her, so by moving may not solve the problem. If he is just an awkward kind of guy then maybe a very firm no is enough.</p>
<p>I am not saying that OP’s D has done anything wrong, but there is something to be said about not being too friendly with strangers. D1 lives in NYC by herself. She has a “do not f*** with me” persona about her.</p>
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<p>Why are you talking about deposits? She currently has a lease that goes till August. That’s 8 months of rent. I have no idea what her rent is, but we’re likely talking about a total sum of money that’s 10 times or more the security deposit. And if she moves out and stops paying rent, her landlord can sue her and her credit will take a giant hit.</p>
<p>Moving won’t really solve anything. Finding out any particular person’s home residence is just about the easiest thing in the world. Anyone who wants to do it, can. If this guy is really obsessive, a stalker, etc…, he can find her house at any time.</p>
<p>Did the police say what his response was to their conversation?</p>
<p>People keep talking about him finding her if she moves. I would let him try. I would DEFINITELY move. Anything you can do to put another degree of separation between them I see as a positive. There are so many variables involved. Perhaps the talk from the police combined with her relocating and not being in his view every single day might discourage him. There are varying degrees of creepy. I would risk that perhaps he’s only moderately creepy. And if he DOES follow her and contact her again after being told not to by the police, I would think she could probably file a restraining order at that point.</p>
<p>Would it be possible to send someone to his apartment to scare him and to tell him to stay away? Is this done in real life? Also, can you find out his place of employment and any other background information about him? I would think this might be helpful information to know. </p>
<p>I am really sorry for you and your daughter. This is really not fair at all.</p>
<p>I’d consult with local housing laws to see if there’s a clause to get out of the lease due to imminent threat to one’s safety. </p>
<p>I am not sure this even exists as it doesn’t seem to exist here in NYC or in other places I’ve lived, but I have known of some friends who were able to get out of their lease due to similar threatening circumstances due to sympathetic landlords. </p>
<p>IMHO, your D is right to feel alarmed and considering a move or more protective measures isn’t out of line. What this neighbor did is extremely creepy and stalking. </p>
<p>No one in their right mind would write an 8 page letter…especially one with the content described by OP. If that happened to me, I’d be creeped out…especially if it is by a relative stranger/acquaintance as is the case here. </p>
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<p>Other than the cops already visiting him to talk about that 8 page letter and its stalkerish vibe, I would be careful about doing so. </p>
<p>If it’s done by a private party related to the OP’s D, that could possibly give that creepy stalker an opening to retaliate by claiming he’s being threatened by her or her family/friends which will definitely complicate things.</p>
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No - I don’t think she’d be liable for the whole remainder of the lease term. The most they can do is keep her deposit. That’s what they do when a lease is broken - keep the deposit.</p>
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That would be an actual threat but against him rather than her - not a good idea, at least at this point. Maybe she could have a male friend walk to her apartment with her a few times so it’s apparent she’s not a lonely girl pining for male attention. </p>
<p>Has this guy actually done anything other than send these two letters? Has he communicated with her since then? Has he communicated with her after the police visited him? It’s always possible he’s already been scared off but who knows?</p>
<p>No, technically, depending on how the lease was written, they could hold her accountable for a lot.</p>
<p>OP, I wish your family could talk to his mom or his sister to find out if he is extremely inept socially and if he has any history of anything like this. Maybe they would be frank with you - maybe he is just very immature… but how could you know? Good luck.</p>
<p>I moved alone to an unfamiliar suburban area just out of college and I remember well being on my own and I was too naive to be very scared of it all. However, had something like this happened, it would have scared the crap out of me and I would be out of his sight so fast he wouldn’t know what happened. He is simply not normal, not by any stretch of the imagination. Screw the details. I’d have to be confident that I was safe and not stalked. If it were my daughter, I would already have pledged whatever money it costs to get out of the lease and out of the house.</p>
<p>The fact that the 8 page letter included things that were inappropriate, which I assume means sexual, in nature, indicates something other than social awkwardness to me. Also, if it were social awkwardness at play, he would have been shocked when the police showed up. Instead, he knew it was about the letter.</p>
<p>Very curious to hear what the police said about his reaction when confronted.</p>
<p>And besides, history offers us a thousand examples of lunatics whose families swear he would never hurt a fly.</p>
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If she wants to leave the unit and not fulfill the lease the best advice is probably to initially try to get the landlord to simply agree to it and if that doesn’t work, seek legal advice for the laws in the state for this. The unsolicited letters from the nutty neighbor and the fact that police visited him might be enough to give her reasonable legal grounds for getting out of the lease.</p>
<p>I suggest confronting him while accompanied by a male friend. As others have mentioned, leave no room for any misunderstanding the fact that she is not interested in him. Probably helpful on several levels to have somebody with her when she speaks to him. It’s just wrong that she has to experience this kind of stress. It would be nice if the landlord would allow her to break the lease without penalty, but that’s a dream, I’m sure. Good luck to both of you…</p>
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<p>That’s flat out incorrect. A lease is an agreement to pay (in this case) 8 more months of rent. If the OP’s D moves out prior, she is liable for that entire balance. However, the landlord is legally obligated to mitigate his damages. That means that he has to make a good faith attempt to get a replacement tenant. Once he succeeds, then the OP’s D is off the hook, starting from the time the new tenant starts paying rent.</p>
<p>Unless there’s something quite unusual about this apartment, or the community where it’s located, I can’t imagine there would be a problem finding a new tenant. It could likely be accomplished within a few weeks. So the OP’s daughter would be out a month’s rent. This is NOT a reason to stay in an apartment that’s become unsafe.</p>
<p>And it’s all well and good to wonder if the guy who sent the letter is maybe just lonely, socially inept, and harmless . . . but the OP’s daughter has to be able to sleep at night! Enough is enough . . . if she’s scared to go home, then she needs to find a new place to live.</p>
<p>And, no, she doesn’t have to tell the landlord anything until after she’s moved out.</p>
<p>I agree–would get my D (or even S if he were in similar situation) moved and then deal with landlord (preferably by meeting landlord away from the premises & creepy neighbor). Would not give landlord or anyone at old place anything other than P. O. Box as a contact. The landlord is required to mitigate damages and can do more if inclined. Good luck! </p>
<p>If I were landlord, I would seriously consider waiving the deposit under the circumstances, but all landlords are different. He would not want a crime committed against one of his tenants, especially potentially by another tenant.</p>
<p>I’m sorry I read quite a lot of this thread but not all of it. So if this has been covered I’m sorry… One thing I’ve learned from living through a lot of city stuff is to ask the neighbors for advice. They may have insights that work for your daughter. Wouldn’t surprise me if someone knows him well enough to make sure he behaves appropriately. Long term neighbors often have effective solutions, and always worth a try.</p>
<p>This may already have been asked but has she tried to see his Facebook page or done an internet search under his name? This may provide insight into his character.</p>
<p>The situation sounds scary for this young girl. She should explore all of her options about getting out of the lease because of her safety.</p>
<p>Does she have any male friends (or even female) that could “bunk up” with her in the meanwhile?</p>
<p>I would be moving my daughter out tomorrow. Deal with any legal issues afterwards. Move out now.</p>
<p>Another angle–not that it solves the problem of the OP’s daughter’s safety–is that the neighbor HAS backed off thanks to the police visit. If he was told in no uncertain terms to leave her alone and not communicate with her (“or else”) it is possible he got the message and will indeed leave her alone from now on. There haven’t been any additional overtures since the letter, right?</p>
<p>None of us have seen the letter. Yes, it could be wildly inappropriate, or it could be just the pathetic ramblings of a social misfit–the kinds of things he is too awkward to say in person. He might think this is his one chance to get her to consider him. IT’S STILL CREEPY, no question. But even “inappropriate” doesn’t necessarily mean “threatening.” How many of us women have been the subject of inappropriate comments in bars, on sidewalks, or even the workplace? We can’t flip out about every one of them. We need all the coping skills people have suggested in this thread.</p>
<p>Please note that I am not at all minimizing the potential for risk for the OP’s daughter–only that I would hate for a young woman to end up spending her life in fear and having to flee from every single situation that makes her uncomfortable. Hopefully by now the OP has gotten to where she lives and can assess the situation better in person.</p>