<p>I didn’t assume that you did those things but other posters have mentioned that bfs and gfs traveled with them and spent holidays - this has been a pretty common scenario posted about on other threads too. Sometimes posts in a thread refer to situations other than the OP’s. </p>
<p>I did assume from your comment that your daughter felt as though she were married that there was a lot of enmeshment, however.</p>
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<p>I hear what you’re saying. I heard it when you said it before. Some people just don’t get it. I’m sorry you’re feeling sad. It is a loss because you want your daughter to be loved and treated well, and you thought that was taken care of when this guy came into her life. That’s not to say that it won’t happen, but now it’s not what/who you thought it would be.</p>
<p>I’m not saying you don’t feel this way, but remember that one thing that needs to be near the top of the list when thinking of perfect matches for your daughter is that she love him as much as he loves her. She didn’t feel that way so all the other things become irrelevant. He has to fill her heart too. There’s no shortage of young men out there who will treat her well - she just has to fall in love with one.</p>
<p>Momma-3, please re-read my post (#17). In the first paragraph I reiterate several of the same things you said in your post #40. We ARE on the same wavelength.</p>
<p>And I know it’s hard, but you have to back off. This is your daughter’s relationship, not yours. She obviously feels its not right for her now, and you have to respect that. There may be elements of this relationship that you are not aware of. (Did you tell your parents every detail of your relationship with your bfs?) </p>
<p>Even if this boy was perfect - and I’m sure he’s a great kid who is going to make someone a great husband - you’ve got to remember that there are other great guys out there too. And if your D doesn’t want to be with him, then he’s not perfect for her. Maybe they will get back together someday, but that would have to be HER decision, not yours. </p>
<p>It’s normal and ok to miss him - he was a part of your life, too - but don’t do it around your D. She comes first.</p>
<p>I don’t want to sound mean - I REALLY get where you’re coming from. I have been there. So please take this in the vein of “learn from my experience.” </p>
<p>Best wishes to all of you.</p>
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<p>If only my DD felt like this, she would have saved a lot of heartaches, disappointments and time. I think she’s learned… we like the current BF and I am staying out of the way.</p>
<p>“If only my DD felt like this, she would have saved a lot of heartaches, disappointments and time. I think she’s learned.”</p>
<p>This is a public forum, but…I have a number of older sisters. I’ll leave it at that.</p>