<p>It’s nice to read this thread and be heartened by the plurality of positive messages, especially those coming from people in the “older generation” (no offense, parents!). You guys are awesome, and being very brave right along with your kids.</p>
<p>Thank You to everyone for their responses. I spent the weekend reflecting on the advice, support, and yes, criticism.
The following is a recent comment from a website that allows you to ask questions anonymously of other members, and the response is my daughter’s.
“Who’s the coolest person you know?
probably who ever wrote this on my wall:) haha no probably my mom she’s always there for me even if she annoys me sometimes.”
I’m going to hang onto this.</p>
<p>Mezzomom posted (and I thank you so very much- you have articulated what I cannot.)
“I guess what I’ve found so troubling over the course of this thread is the apparent willingness by some to castigate the OP without taking into account the level of confusion that exists for the allies of survivors too. There can be denial, and rage, and pain, and guilt…and the never-ending sense of walking on eggshells. No ally wants to trigger a survivor, but until the healing process starts (and even after), one isn’t sure if one is addressing the “survivor” or the “real” person. And allies know that survivors need control (since it was stripped from them during the abuse), but how much is too much? At what point is an ally ceding control of situations in order to aid in the healing process, and at what point is one merely enabling bad behavior?”</p>
<p>I am ceding control at this point. I have let her know that I am always here and that we love her unconditionally. I have hovered and smothered, enabled and controlled far too much at this point. It’s tough, and I’m so, so afraid for her, but she needs to be the one calling the shots at this point. I see her struggling and want to rush in and protect her and make things right for her, but I think she needs to work (and therapy is work, especially in reliving traumatic events) to make her world peaceable again.</p>