20 year old daughter is home for the summer. I no longer purchase her clothes or give her money for clothes. I’m shocked at what she chooses to wear when hanging out with friends. Shorts that are very short…they cover her behind about as much as a bathing suit would. And the trend to have the bra be a visible component of the outfit. So far I’ve only made a comment or two (“That’s pretty short;” not well-received) and then held my tongue and cringed on the inside. I’m really struggling with this. I feel like she is not respecting herself if she is displaying her body this way. She probably thinks she is following fashion trends. Can anyone else relate? What are your thoughts? This wasn’t an issue in high school.
Golden rule. Treat others how you wish to be treated. Would you appreciate it if someone you loved were to criticize your fashion choices?
She is old enough to make her own fashion decisions. Unless she asks your opinion, keep it to yourself.
This too shall pass… Baby kid went through a phase of shopping at Forever 21. Cheap crap - she loved the fact that her dollar could be stretched longer there. Fast forward… She went through her closet after coming home from her overseas assignments and tossed that stuff into the garbage. Now she shops my closet. Her favorite brands are Boss and Lafayette. 
I definitely don’t prefer scanty dressing but I think we have to get away from connecting the dress of women to “not respecting” themselves. I think that the whole “slut shaming” thing is more a societal issue than an issue with any young woman who chooses to dress that way. I think we’re trained by societal mores to think that way but when you stop and think that a bikini is okay or a sports bra, why should we get all riled up when a woman chooses to dress in more skimpy clothing? I find myself having those thoughts sometimes myself and have to take a step back and think about it rationally and realize it doesn’t make a whole lot of sense.
I can relate. My eyebrows have nearly jumped off my head a few times, but I bite my tongue. My D has known how I dress and what I feel is appropriate (for me) her whole life. She is her own person and has her own ideas. In general, I don’t judge what anyone else wears, so I need to extend that courtesy to her.
When asked, I always tell my D whether certain clothing is appropriate for the occasion. It doesn’t reflect on her taste or has anything to do with “slut slamming”. I wouldn’t mind her wearing bikinis on the beach, but to a shopping mall, it just isn’t appropriate.
I’m relieved that we haven’t had clothing issues in our household. My kids have adopted our classic, more conservative style and look great in their clothing, so this isn’t among the battles we’ve had. I am surprised (and sometimes disappointed) by styles worn by some young people (and celebrities), but don’t say anything because they don’t ask and I’m not a guardian or parent and they seem happy with their choices.
If I am buying the clothing and I don’t approve (too short shorts, tops that show the stomach, etc) I won’t give her the money for the item. If she buys an item I don’t approve of with her own money, I keep my mouth shut unless I’m asked my opinion and if asked, I tell the truth. The other night she asked how she looked in a dress and I told her it was too short. She wore it anyway. I have to choose my battles with her…
Once someone is past the age of majority(18), unless they’re attending a family function/workplace event where it could reflect negatively on you professionally, you’re asked, or are potentially paying for the item of clothing in question…best to keep one’s opinions to oneself.
Picking one’s battles and all that.
This bra strap thing has been popular since mine were in early hs. You see it all around, including women well past schooling, celebrities, etc. I don’t like the look, but taught them to at least wear a new bra, not one with frayed straps or grayed.
I agree the occasion can make a difference. I’ve asked mine to reconsider an outfit when, eg, we were headed to see older relatives.
I’ve also explained that they cannot control for how some young men will interpret scanty dress, and to be wise when choosing what to wear. And alert.
But the ability to influence them begins years before college. There’s much more than short shorts to worry about, today.
Btw, short shorts were in vogue when my mother was in hs, college, and a bit after. I remember seeing her in them and a cropped halter top. Outside the house.
I tell them if what they are wearing is inappropriate to the situation. Some things are really not appropriate anywhere. Sorry to offend.
We only really had that once when a D, a young teen, came out of her friend’s house wearing a shirt with no sides and H–who never comments–made her go back in and change.
I try to tell them it in a way that informs them about what’s appropriate, because we don’t always catch on because we are an oblivious crew. But it isn’t always taken well.
I was grateful when my mom said something the last time one of my D’s was in that situation. We had been coming home from an overnight and went straight to church. D grabbed something she had packed without realizing what it looked like from the back.
I personally don’t like when bras show at all.
I also feel really uncomfortable when I see much older men staring at their body parts. 
I’ll never understand the problem with “too short” this or that. Basically nothing’s going to show off more than a bikini (and remain legal) but we by and large don’t have a problem with those. Maybe if we throw some sand around the house (or wherever), the short shorts (probably longer than a bikini bottom) and bra straps (bikini straps) would become acceptable. shrug
I’m not saying that everything is appropriate everywhere- but I don’t understand things not being appropriate “just because” they’re too short when a bikini is appropriate at/near the beach/water.
ETA: Oops, should’ve read comments first. I see @doschicos has summed it up better than I could
“I also feel really uncomfortable when I see much older men staring at their body parts.”
Sounds like an old man problem not a clothing issue. Really, have they not seen female body parts before? Most europeans are so much more relaxed about things.
Don’t even get me started on the whole breast feeding in public shaming thing! I could rant on that subject for pages. It irritates me to know end that society has sexualized female’s breasts so much.
Doubt they are dressing that way for you or to prove anything. Heck, what’s wrong with having a young body and being ok with showing it off.
I have to see shirtless men ALL the time in the summer. A lot of them should be wearing shirts on their dad bods if I had my druthers. And I don’t gawk at the toned ones.
Interesting first post, @gradstudent1988. Did you decide to join the conversation just for this thread or create a new ID?
Women are young and lovely for a short time. Let it be. I live in a state where school rules object to female shoulders being exposed. I really have no time for such nonsense.
“females”
Riiiiight, okay. Moving on,
“Where do you see shirtless men all the time?”
In yards, at outdoor concerts, on runs, exercising, all kinds of places where people are found outdoors. It’s not just beaches.
“What’s wrong with girls in low cut tops and their bra exposed? There are many things wrong with that.”
Such as? Care to enumerate them?
Big uh-oh: “I absolutely hate girls who dress in scantily glad attire.”
Then look away.
A woman in short shorts and a midriff shirt is far from the image of a guy in a slinky-cloth revealing bikini bottom aka Speedo.
But can we get back to OP’s question and skip this extremism?
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Pass my fan, Mr Darcy.
Seems like you can never please everyone with respect to clothing or fashion choices. Remember this old thread?