I think it is about young kids stretching boundaries and the like, and has nothing to do with their character or who they are, Forrest Gump was right, stupid is as stupid does. That doesn’t mean there isn’t appropriate dress, and sadly people can and will judge you for the way you dress, and I think that is a life lesson we can give our kids. On the other hand, a young woman (or man) should have places to express themselves and try things out, and if they take their lumps for it, if others judge them, that is a lesson, too, and honestly I agree with others, to me the real problem is others doing the judging. A lot of it, with young women, is the ages old crap seeing women dressed ‘inappropriately’ as being temptresses and the like, and it is dead wrong IMO. Funny part is the same people who would judge a young woman for skimpily dressing would be okay with some of the outfits I observed on my 12 hour day yesterday trying to get home in the airports I was in, grown women wearing skin tight dresses, skyscraper heels and so forth they would be fine with, yet at least to me, that outfit was a lot more sexual, but because it didn’t reveal as much skin, somehow is okay.
Not having a daughter I can’t speak about it from a parental aspect, but talking to a friend at work not long ago who has two teen daughters who are very beautiful young women, her big fear is the judgement of idiots rather than what they wear (she worries about their safety, too, but they are both pretty level headed young women…doesn’t worry about boyfriends much, her husband is like 6’ 2, all muscle, and is a crack shot, would love to see bf’s meeting the dad for the first time:). But as her mom said, the oldest one might like showing off her figure and such, but the kid is going to Stanford this fall with a serious scholarship, studying some sort of bioscience, and her sister has stats that make the older sister look stupid likes to have some fun with her appearance, and in the end they will have the last laugh over anyone who judges them.
As a reminder, from the OP’s post: " I’m shocked at what she chooses to wear when hanging out with friends."
Doesn’t seem like this young woman is going to church, a job, or some other place where more coverage would be the norm. It’s summer and she is hanging out with friends.
I wonder how much of attitudes towards dress is regional. I live in a really hot area, and it’s quite common to see groups of young girls and young women running around wearing barely anything. Nobody really bats an eye - when it’s a 115F out, you make allowances!
D and I were walking a dog at an outdoor mall once, and we were both wearing clothing that some on this thread would probably shake their heads at, D in a sport bra and loose tank with running shorts and me in gym shorts and a sleeveless shirt. It was about 105F at 8pm, for reference. We stopped to chat with a group of tourists (women, coincidentally since that’s what the thread is about) who were sweating their behinds off in jeans and long-sleeve shirts.
I asked if they didn’t expect it to be so hot, and they exclaimed that they knew it would be hot but they didn’t know everybody would be dressed like “you guys” (waving towards me and D) otherwise they would’ve packed differently! We shared a good laugh over it.
Im sorry the hip huggers etc that folks are mentioning were not that short.
I am in my late 50’s, and I can tell you that hip huggers were pretty darn risque. Who remembers the unbelievably low-ride hip hugger bell bottoms? And midriff tops? Who else got sent home from junior high at least once for trying to get away with a bare midriff? And sizzlers … remember them?? My best friend wore the most amazingly short sizzlers in 6th grade - they had matching panties, but still … And my skorts were SHORT. Pushing boundaries is definitely something kids will do, and always have done in some way or another.
(FWIW, though, I do cringe at the oversexualization of young people today, and I think it’s worse now than it was back in the day. It’s natural that kids will want to look like what they see in the media, and that is another conversation for another day.)
@kelsmom:
I won’t disagree with you about the oversexualization of young people, especially pre adolescant, when I look at some of the clothing young people are being sold, I don’t believe it, many really young kids are being hypersexualized through a variety of things, and it shows with what the kids are wearing…at the school my son went to, by 4th or 5th grade you would see girls with things like padded bras, wearing makeup, tight outfits that were mirrors of adult styles, it was pretty sad (and I won’t even talk here about what the kid were doing and saying)…I really wondered about the parents, but that is another story.
@kelsmom yes hip huggers were risqué for that time but no butt cheeks were hanging out. I’m a little bit younger than you I grew up wearing sizzler and skorts and no my butt wasn’t out.
Today I literally see cheeks and that’s too much for me.
I really hate my nephew’s cargo shorts. The legs are too wide and they make him look like he’s wearing culottes. I think it actually makes him look like he’s not very smart, even though he is.
But he’s an adult, so somehow I’m able to keep my mouth shut.
Yes, I’ve always had to bite my tongue on folks who wear basketball shorts that are knee length and longer and I think look utterly ridiculous but they claim it’s confortable and they cover lots of their body so I remain silent.
Scantily clad people are distracting to me, either gender. I don’t say anything because I don’t feel it’s my place and I don’t ogle. I’m grateful that I like my kids and H’s taste in clothing.
I used to have this ongoing issue with my D. She would try to push the limits on appropriate clothing. When I was doing all the shopping and paying, I was able to veto things. But I discovered a slightly better way to approach the subject.
Everyone has a different body type and I spent a lot of time in the dressing rooms discussing that clothes should be flattering. It became my F word. I would take 3 different choices for shorts or skirts or whatever. And, I would use my phone camera or a big mirror to point out what was flattering for her figure or not. It became the ‘F’ word… “Mom… please don’t bring up the flattering discussion again!!”
After years of this, I really enjoy shopping with her because she focuses on what is ‘flattering’, not what other people are wearing. Because she has an hourglass figure, short shorts with butt cheeks hanging out is NOT flattering to her. However, clothing that emphasizes her small waist is flattering. So I give in when it’s adorable and flattering… such as maybe a cute dress with open cutouts at the waistline. I hate the whole bra strap showing and/or bralette showing but I lost that battle awhile ago I figured I would save the fights for something more important.
My D is 21 now and she can wear whatever she wants. Sometimes she wears things that I do not approve of, but not on a daily basis, just intermittently. A couple of weeks ago she was at the FYF music festival in Los Angeles and called me up. “Mom… we were photographed for Cosmopolitan Magazine!!!- top looks at FYF” OK… I go rushing into the Cosmopolitan website and find the photo… OMG!!! who let her wear that??? It is this whole new style where girls wear sheer, and I mean sheer!!!, patterned layer long skirts over a black body suit (kind of like over a very modest 1 piece bathing suit) Oh well… I noticed that it was a very popular style and hopefully it’s just a phase with black army boots no less! because she says her feet get trampled on at the music festivals.
OP back again. Thanks for the lively discussion and variety of opinions.
Bikinis are appropriate at the beach (but even those can be too revealing) but not at the mall. And even at the beach, cover-ups are are an option when you are getting ice-cream or strolling the board-walk.
When I was referring to the bra being a visible part of the outfit, I was referring to the bralets that are popular and made to be seen when worn under very loose and flowing tops; I’m not a fan, but it seems to be a new fashion trend. At a family dinner at our home last week with aunts and uncles, and D came down with the super-short shorts. I didn’t think it was appropriate but I also couldn’t address it then without making a bigger issue.
We can debate whether it should or should not occur in our society, but I don’t really want my daughter viewed as a sexual object…anywhere. I would be naive to think others are not judging her based on clothing choices.
Presumably, your really hot area is not in the KSA, nor where people listen to their dermatologists about covering up as much as possible to avoid ultraviolet light exposure on their skin.
After some pages about complaining about shorts that are too short, now we have complaints about shorts that are too long… what is the “correct” length?
This is OT but my 80 something neighbor has decided she wants to dress more modern. So she’s been buying leggings and flowy tops and open knit sweaters.
But she doesn’t wear camis under the flowy sheer tops and open knit sweaters. Oh boy, I did not know what to do or say. None of her friends wanted to say anything and I guess her husband didn’t notice. Finally her D came to visit and was horrified and said something to her. Thank goodness, no one wants to see an elderly woman’s underwear hanging out
I heard the short shorts referred to as denim underwear.
My H hated the stuff D wore as a teenager/young adult. Thankfully she is older now and seems to leave the chopped shorter stuff for working out.
Oh on the bralette…it is still a bra in my book…under wear to be worn under lol. I have bras that don’t look like army surplus but they are still underwear Style of dress is a person telling a visual story so I guess if kids want to tell the story “dont cha think I am sexy” they shouldn’t be surprised if that is the way they are treated. I think that holds true for guys with big gun arms and 6 pack stomachs…they aren’t wearing The tank top because it is hot outside lol. I’ve had the oh my goodness moments in my house with guys too. To me is the biggest message a parent needs to impart.
I still don’t understand why bikinis are ok one place but clothing that covers even more isn’t ok when hanging out with friends. That’s just me though.
I am someone who dresses pretty conservatively. Always have. When I put on weight, my chest grew many sizes. Now everything that has even the slightest amount of chest showing becomes a shirt that shows a LOT.
It’s in the 90s out though so I am not putting on a tshirt instead of a tank top just because someone might think I’m dressing inappropriately. I’m going to wear what’s comfortable when I’m just hanging out with people. Which, because of how my body is shaped, means showing more cleavage than I’d typically be comfortable with. With this heat though, I just do not care.
Oh, and I do respect my body regardless of what clothes I’m wearing.
wow, this is a fast moving thread! My 17 and 15 year old daughters have moved away from the low rise super short shorts. The trend has thankfully moved on to mom shorts/mom jeans (high wasted) jeans and shorts. Tops are not quite as cropped, plus since the waist is higher the tops seem to meet the waist. Both of my daughters wear sports bras with tank tops when they are exercising. The youngest is very athletic (running/crew) and the oldest is a dancer. They each do wear bralettes underneath flowy dresses and tops. I like the look so it doesn’t both me.
We have always had conversations about what we wear to church vs. neighborhood vs. center city vs. pool, etc. So I they will often ask what to wear (not exact outfits but based on where we are going). I have said too short or put a pair of dance short under a dress. Neither daughter has a problem with my input, but our conversations are ongoing. Plus, I’m still purchasing all of their clothes.
As far as being looked at by men in general, my oldest daughter will come out of 4 hours of dance a hot and sweaty mess dressed in trashbag pants and a sweater and she still has men saying things as she waits at the bus stop. I hate the whole conversation around that topic.
