<p>DD came home a few nights ago proudly sporting a tatoo on the top of her right shoulder – I’ll see it for the rest of my life every time she wears a bikini, a top or a dress that leaves her shoulders partially covered. She is otherwise a great kid – no bad habits, rule follower (with this one exception), responsible, hard working, 3.95 cumulative GPA, merit money galore, early admission to vet school, etc. Nonetheless, this upset me. Several years back, I allowed her to get her navel pierced, but the condition was no other piercings (other than ears) and no tatoos. When I reminded her of this, her response was “I’m an adult now (she’s 19) and it’s my decision.” I’m probably overreacting, but I thought I’d share. Anybody else been through this scenario?</p>
<p>She shouldn’t have disobeyed you,
But I think as long as she keeps up her good habits then it’s ok for her to get a tattoo, as she is legally an adult.</p>
<p>however, I am a bit biased, as I have a tattoo on my left shoulder. But my parents approved and went with me to get it.</p>
<p>Maybe you weren’t clear about the conditions when she got her belly button pierced. Did you specifically say she can never get any others? Because if not, most kids will assume that means until they are old enough to do so on their own.</p>
<p>^I think my instructions were pretty clear, but sometimes I feel like I’m dealing with the female equivalent of Rainman – she’s incredibly smart, but sometimes there’s a piece of common sense missing.</p>
<p>I would not like it either. It’s done now, so you don’t want to make statements or take actions that the two of you would regret. But, if she is anticipating that you will be supporting her through undergrad and maybe vet school, there is a level of dependence that complicates the “I’m an adult now” reasoning. But it is her body. </p>
<p>BTW, is the tattoo obnoxious? Aside from the fact that you may find all tattoos obnoxious?</p>
<p>When you have cooled off, perhaps a non-accusational conversation with her would not be amiss. My thoughts for that conversation: You were surprised, given the assurances she gave you when she had her navel pierced…did not have the impression that there was an age component to the condition. You and she need to have a trusting relationship for the next ___ years while she is in school and you hope to be laying the foundation for a mutually beneficial, loving, and respectful relationship beyond that; defiant attitudes and brinkmanship–on your or her part-- won’t help. You can take it from there.</p>
<p>Hmm. She probably did think you meant until she was old enough to get it on her own. Do you mean that you think often that she’s missing common sense, or just because of this one instance? I definitely don’t believe that everyone who chooses to get a tattoo lacks common sense, although some do.
But in my opinion, she was still at fault for disobeying you, yet she IS technically an adult who’s considered responsible to get a tattoo alone. Is the tattoo at least of something meaningful to her? Or hopefully it’s not her boyfriend’s name or something. !!! : o haha.</p>
<p>I agree with mafool…I wouldn’t really let it consume you, since it’s done now and can’t be taken back. And as long as it’s not obnoxious, I don’t really see a problem.</p>
<p>Well, I wouldn’t describe the tattoo as obnoxious, but it’s certainly not art. It’s a reproduction of a headshot photo of one of her favorite pets . . . a fancy rat. No, I’m not kidding . . . she’s admitted to vet school, and she loves exotic animals. At least it’s relatively small. Sheeeeesh . . .</p>
<p>Well, if its a butterfly, or rosebud, its not awful. </p>
<p>(Okay,edit, I just saw that its a rat!!! yuck.)</p>
<p>It will never be seen in a business suit, or most work clothes. Obviously halters, cocktail dresses, etc. will show it. I would be upset too, and a tatoo is so much worse than a piercing. I would express disappointment to my D, but then she is 19, and could make worse choices.</p>
<p>Whenever just-arrived-into-adulthood-ultra-high-achieving S comes up with some of his utter-lack-of-common-sense-ideas it makes me think of how scientists are trying to come up with theories to explain the origin of the universe and all they can come up with is 12-dimensional models. I wonder which one of those dimensions are our children hopping back and forth from?</p>
<p>ps. It won’t be too far into the future that tattoo removal parlors will be as ubiquitous as Starbucks.</p>
<p>Just realized that I misspelled tattoo in my posts. Speaking of lack of common sense . . . guess the apple doesn’t fall too far from the tree. LOL.</p>
<p>She’s 19. Seems to me that it would be reasonable for you to have had rules about tattoos and piercings when she was a minor, but now that she’s an adult, what she does should be up to her. </p>
<p>Half the world now seems to have tattoos and piercings, including people who are middle aged and older professionals. I don’t see what your D did as a big deal nor do I see her as going against your rules, because I, too, would have thought your rules were for when she was a minor.</p>
<p>gbesq, similar issues with my own d. I told her no way as long as she was under 18. I explained the safety, aging, and social acceptance issues. Once she hit that mark, there was little I could do to stop her. I also told her any required medical costs (co-pays, deductibles, medication not covered) associated with a poorly executed tat were her responsibility as long as she was covered as a dependent on our health insurance.</p>
<p>I did tell her that if she got one, I did not want to see it in an exposed area if she wished to avoid daily verbal conflict with me. I also warned her of all of her grandparents handwringing and admonissions if they saw or got wind of her having a tat. I also strongly suggested that if not be visible while wearing “normal clothing”, formal attire, or business wear. Same with body piercings and similar adornments. What she chooses to do in intimate areas was her decision, provided she was over 18. </p>
<p>I did also threaten that if I was pressed and if she violated my guidelines I had no issues shaving my head, wearing a scalplock, or acquiring a tasteless nasal adornment prior to her wedding. My children know me well enough to realize that I will carry out any “threat”, however ludicrous it may sound. </p>
<p>She did get her tat. She waited, was over 19, never told me or her mother. I saw it when she was wearing low cut jeans. A small something, I can’t recall what, just below her panty line.</p>
<p>I see it rarely. At least it’s not on her face. And it’s not a nose, eyelid or tongue piercing.</p>
<p>I consider myself lucky. ;)</p>
<p>gbesq, I feel your pain. I hate tattoos, too, and will not be happy if one of my ds decides to get one. But I don’t quite see this as rule-breaking, because she is legally old enough to consent. I understand that you prohibited tattoos and additional piercings when you allowed her to have her navel pierced - was there a time limit involved then, or was it understood to be forever?</p>
<p>I’m personally (and this is just me) not comfortable with prohibiting legal activities when my children are of age, even if I dislike said activities. I just don’t know how I’d enforce those restrictions, short of telling my kids I’d cut off financial support if they engaged in them - and I’m not going to do that for something legal. I’d be furious if they started smoking at age 18, for instance, and I wouldn’t allow it in my house - but I’d have to accept that they had the right to make that particular idiotic decision. (and would then nag them to stop until they either did or decided to cut me off).</p>
<p>I love what J’adoube said above about the tattoo removal parlors.</p>
<p>Don’t worry about it. First of all, it’s quite common. And second of all, sometime extremely soon tattoos are going to be really passe and she’ll probably want it removed. I’ve been waiting for this pendulum swing. Tatts don’t look good on aging skin.</p>
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<p>Oh, I didn’t see this quote by j’adoube. Yes. That’s going to be true.</p>
<p>Thanks for all of the feedback. I’ll live with it. Guess I have no choice. But I don’t have to love it. :-(</p>
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<p>…What’s wrong with nose rings?</p>
<p>I mean yes, I realize some of them are tacky. But I have a VERY small stud in my left nostril, and I (and my parents, and everyone that I’ve met since I got it) really like it (this after about a year and a half) and I think it accentuates my face very well.</p>
<p>With things like piercings and tattoos, I think that as long as it’s not a spur-of-the-moment decision, it’s well-researched, it’s either something you’ll like for the rest of your life or easily removed (more piercing than tattoo), and you do research on where you get it so you don’t end up in some guy’s garage, it’s a personal decision and should be treated as such. I do think the people that are covered in tattoos from head to toe are going a little far, but again, it’s not my body and I don’t have to look at it every day.</p>
<p>OP-No, you don’t have to love it. You don’t even have to LIKE it. But, like I said, it’s over and done…I’m sure your D didn’t mean anything disrespectful, and I’m sure if it’s on her upper shoulder, you probably won’t have to see it TOO often.</p>
<p>D is inked – I still don’t love the idea. She wanted a tattoo for several years and I said not while she was a minor and would prefer never. I also suggested that she wait at least 2 years to decide if she REALLY wanted it and to make sure that she knew that Tweety Bird is not nearly as cute at 50. She was thoughtful about both the design (Asian graphic for music) and the location (inside of wrist that can be covered by a wide bracelet) – she argued that it was silly to get a tattoo that you couldn’t see yourself and I found that fairly compelling. She wanted me to go to the tattoo parlor to make sure it seemed to be a good one that had very high standards for hygiene and it did. I was not happy but I was pleased that she thought enough about my opinion to want my “blessing” about the venue. She paid for it… </p>
<p>She now wants another tattoo (she’s 20) and I’m still suggesting that she wait 2 years and then decide if she still wants it. I’m hoping that time and more frontal lobe development will win over the day. If not, I’ll cope but like the OP, I don’t have to like it…</p>
<p>My thing is…I don’t want to see the tattoo overpower the dress, and her beauty, on my daughter’s wedding day. For that reason I don’t like the shoulder ones. If I’m thinking “isn’t that a shame”, I think so would others.</p>
<p>Luckily the only tattoo, I believe, my D has is mid-lower back and it’s not big. Never looked at it or discussed it with her, so I don’t even know what it depicts (she knows I don’t like them).</p>
<p>Previous discussion on tattoos:</p>
<p><a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parent-cafe/509030-getting-tattoo.html?highlight=tattoo[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parent-cafe/509030-getting-tattoo.html?highlight=tattoo</a></p>
<p>I’ve been through it with a few of my Ds and I’m the one who took them to the tattoo parlor! My take is that if this is the worst thing you have to worry about with your D, you’re a lucky mom. And she’s right, it’s her decision.</p>