<p>the girl certainly could make that choice.
But she has the right to make her own choice and earn the rewards, or endure the consequences like any adult.</p>
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<p>Oh, so a parent is too old to know what it is like now, and 19 is too young to act objectively? Good argument.</p>
<p>And what about you? If you really are in the U. of Kent Class of 2013, then neither would you be.</p>
<p>I’m 32 (Hence my user name). I’m going for my MSc in Actuarial Science now. (I already have a BA in Economics and a BS in Applied Math) And I’m going to re-iterate what I said. You’re just not old enough. It’s not till you’re out of undergrad that you can look back with any real objectivity at what you did in HS/college.</p>
<p>Also, if you attended HS 30 years ago. you can’t project what happened 30 years ago to what happens in HS today. There is a fairly big disconnect there.</p>
<p>I graduated HS in 1997 and I would say I’m at the cusp of understanding what is still going on in HS. 5 or so more years, and I will probably be pretty misinformed.</p>
<p>Oh, I am sorry. It is I who was making the assumption this time.</p>
<p>But 32 is old enough to be a parent, though maybe not of a high-schooler, but at least one who can set down the rules for the child. Maybe you are right about the objectivity part. But I never drank in high school, and I still don’t drink in college. And I know many students like me who would not drink even if offered alcohol. It wasn’t just because it was illegal, but it was also because I knew the risks involved. Maybe I’m not old enough to think back objectively, and maybe I’ll say I have some subjective bias and still hold the same view that I held in high school.</p>
<p>I really haven’t met a tattoo I like and would be upset if my daughters got one. However, I would not take away a child’s college education or chance to attend a good school over one.</p>
<p>I doubt the parents (including the father) every thought that they would be forced to enforce their threat. We’ve all been there. Do so and so and you won’t watch tv for a week. And then they do it and you are like DAMN! how can I survive a week without plunking the kid in front of the TV for my own sanity?</p>
<p>But here the consequences are higher. Do the parents really want an angry kid home for a year sulking?</p>
<p>So the reality is that everyone needs to find a way out of this while still upholding certain principles like honesty.</p>
<p>Yes, the mother needs to tell her husband. Better yet, the D should be telling her father and taking consequences for her actions.</p>
<p>That being said, what comes next? Personally, I would have the D pay for tattoo removal before she is allowed to go to the private college. If D can’t raise the $, the parents should lend it to D with an IOU put in writing.</p>
<p>If D refuses this, I would have D understand that she can still go to the private school, but that she needs to come up with the funding for the first year of school. (As per their original agreement.) Personally, I would lend the money to the D, but have a lawyer draw up papers that she owes the parents said money. Obviously, the parents can eliminate this loan as a graduation present if they feel D deserves it.</p>
<p>Hope this helps.</p>
<p>Your views will change as you mature for the most part. </p>
<p>I was an athlete in HS and I rarely drank. (I had like no free time between practice and games). But being European (I’m from Spain) I was taught from an early age that alcohol in moderation is fine. In the US, they have a completely different attitude (IMHO primarily due to the drinking age) Having such a black and white attitude towards drinking usually ends up encouraging binge drinking IMHO. So, what usually ends up happening is that kids either binge drink in HS or in College. You do get the occasional tee toller in College but those are more of a rarity.(And in most cases due to their religion)</p>
<p>Oh, for heaven’s sake. Let the kid have her tattoo. This is a lot of freaking out over nothing.</p>
<p>@ jsanche32 -
At 32 you probably do not have a college age student so you can not possibly understand making these decisions. You also are not a traditional student (18-22) nor were you recently. You absolutely have a right to voice an opinion as much as anyone else, however don’t throw stones about who can understand either the parent or the student…glass houses and all.</p>
<p>jsanche32, re-reading that post, I can see that that’s probably not what you meant regarding objectivity. Maybe I’m just dumb (or too young) and hence the confusion, but are you saying that I was trying to argue objectively but really am not?</p>
<p>But this is going too far off-topic. This could be continued elsewhere, but I appreciate uskoolfish for bringing it back to where it should be.</p>
<p>How so?</p>
<p>If anything, it gives me insight that you lack because of the age difference. I had fairly strict parents growing up, so I know exactly how the OP’s D must be feeling. I also often battled my parents in situations that have been described here at CC. The one thing I have though is the objectivity to compare and contrast what I did back then to what I would have done as a mature adult.</p>
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<p>Right. High school students never got drunk in 1961. Unheard of.</p>
<p>hahaha ^^^</p>
<p>'Let the kid have her tattoo. This is a lot of freaking out over nothing. "</p>
<p>I don’t think this is about a tatoo. I think it’s about a woman, trying to choose between keeping a secret from her husband with her adult “child”, vs collaborating with her husband. It is also about what has brought them to this point.</p>
<p>Most people my age would say that it was fine for the daughter to have the tattoo, and apparently, most parents feel that the parents described should not have imposed the rule in the first place. Applying what jsanche32 said, then, in thirty or so years from now, I would likely look back and think, “Wow, what was I doing? Let the poor girl have the tattoo and the expensive private college as well. It was her birthday, so it’s fine that she was trying out alcohol!”</p>
<p>Okay, I’m getting a little carried away here. Please ignore me.</p>
<p>The thing is, you will probably change your attitude.</p>
<p>I’m not even close to being a fan of tattoos. Never have been. I’m simply smart enough to not draw simple conclusions and realize that attitudes regarding tattoos have changed since I was her D’s age. Will I might disagree with her getting a tattoo, I have to respect her decision to get one because she is after all 18.</p>
<p>And she is also a dependent living at her parents’ house. And when she is in college, she will still be dependent upon them for money.</p>
<p>@uskoolfish</p>
<p>Those are really good suggestions.</p>
<p>Let’s look at this situation in a different way.</p>
<p>Perhaps it is the parents who have been manipulative in this scenario. Let’s say, they knew all along that D was going to get a tattoo once she turned 18. Maybe this is something that she had been looking forward to for a long time and the parents knew she was serious in her desire to follow through with getting one once she reached 18 (an age where she wouldn’t need parental consent). </p>
<p>Let’s say, Dad didn’t want to shell out for the high priced private costs right from the start, but he didn’t want to be the bad guy and deny his D’s wishes. So, what does he do? He creates a verbal contract knowing that his daughter is going to break the contract regarding the tattoo. This way, he doesn’t see himself as the bad guy. He gets out of the situation by not having to take the blame for not sending her to the private school. Instead, he puts the blame on the D and her new tattoo.</p>
<p>Who here wants to bet that after the daughter tells the dad about the tattoo she still gets to go the the private college on his dime? He’s going to get mad at first but he will cave and let her go anyway. At least that is what I am putting my money on.
According to the OP she is an only child that is somewhat spoiled. She will win this one.</p>