<p>“If Dad is such a control freak, why in the world would the Mom even consider …”</p>
<p>The if is a pretty big if, but go ahead,…fill in the blank…</p>
<p>Daughter is out the door, mom and dad theoretically have a life together.</p>
<p>BTW, my D confided about a tattoo (a BIBLE VERSE). MY first thought was… wait; I thought you didn’t have any money…</p>
<p>@Crystalwolf</p>
<p>Getting drunk is not a liberty. It’s quite simply a reality about HS life. Kids will experiment with drinking. It’s not a “liberty”, it’s just the way it is. Same with pot. They will experiment. Honestly, the disconnect between some parents and their kids in this thread is nothing short of bizarre.</p>
<p>A lot of parents seem to have this perfect picture of how they want their kids to act, and if they do something that doesn’t fit into that mold, you either panic, overreact, or just outright ignore it.</p>
<p>They made the rule probably (probably!) believing that the possibility of the threat would be too far-fetched, and there would be no need for it, but the daughter has crossed even this line, and there the problem lies.</p>
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<p>But I DO think her actions are about attitude!</p>
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<p>I was referring to OP’s description of the D’s actions after her mom found out about the tattoo: “The daughter is laying it heavy on her mom, and blaming her for ruining her life if she tells her father.”</p>
<p>I can see this scenario playing out: "D, you’ve put me in a bad situation. If I don’t follow through on my word on this, then you’ll never think that I mean what I say when I say it. On the other hand, you are the master of your own body. </p>
<p>So, here’s what we’ll do. You can choose to keep the tattoo (Master of your own body) We won’t pay for Expensive College while you have the tattoo (We mean what we say). You can choose which course you want to take–keep tattoo and go to State U or get the tattoo removed and go to Expensive College. You choose."</p>
<p>The parents and their D have backed themselves into a tight spot. </p>
<p>Anybody had laser tattoo removal?</p>
<p>^^^ jsanche32 - Thank you for providing some insight as to why the girl’s parents might have felt obligated to make “no tattoos please” part of the deal.</p>
<p>jsanche32:
The liberties I meant were that somehow the daughter was able to get out of the house (her own car? friend’s car? public transportation?) without the parents either noticing or not caring and go to the party (if it was one), then to obtain alcohol, and then to obtain both the money, the time, and the means to get a tattoo. Finally, she would have had to have been out of the house for some time.</p>
<p>Getting a tattoo is not the same as drinking and smoking pot. For one, both of those things are illegal for a person her age, while getting a tattoo is not.</p>
<p>Also, unless her D is a hermit or social outcast, she’s going to go to HS parties. That’s not a liberty either. That is completely normal behavior.</p>
<p>As to what she does at said party, that is another matter entirely.</p>
<p>Sounds like the tattoo thing came about as part of a girls night out celebrating the D’s birthday. My D went out with her friends to celebrate her birthday–they went to a spa, not a tattoo parlor. I guess I should feel grateful…LOL!</p>
<p>Well, I’ll be interested in hearing what the end of this story will be…</p>
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<p>Ooohh, I see. Okay. A misunderstanding - my bad. The scenario you described does sound perfectly reasonable to me, though, but I would imagine the parents would still not be too happy about what they can no longer change. All right.</p>
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<p>So, if the legal age for alcohol were to be lowered to 18, would you consider it morally acceptable?</p>
<p>Also, there are lots of people I know and knew who would rather not go to parties where there would be alcohol involved. Are they abnormal?</p>
<p>Fifty years ago, if a group of high-schoolers went to a party and got drunk, would that be considered normal? No, and standards for what is considered normal have changed, but we biologically have not. Few would have done it then, but many do it now. People seem to have decided that getting drunk now is okay.</p>
<p>First I apologize for not making it through all 189 posts…and also because I don’t have an answer for the OP. I just wanted to chime in anyways ;)</p>
<p>It is very hard for me to appreciate how one cares so much about tattoos that they required this level of threat; but its kinda like using capital punishment to prevent shop lifting. I’m curious- were there other contingencies to this contract with her parents, besides ‘no tattoos’? And also why not a lifetime ban on the tattoos? </p>
<p>While the threat here is challenging for me to grasp, what i find even more perplexing is why a parent would feel a need to follow through on this drastic measure. Call me a pragmatist but what would it accomplish, after the fact? Teach a lesson? One can they couldn’t teach in less damaging ways for the past 18 years? One that will finally sink in and be actually more valuable than the best education money can afford? I honestly just don’t understand this family.</p>
<p>@CrystalWolf</p>
<p>Of course. It’s the same as voting. Would you consider it ok that your parents forbade you from voting (A right at age 18)? Same logic applies here. Just because she lives in their house does not mean she doesn’t have rights. What the parents did with the tattoo restriction was outright manipulation. HS parties today are not the same as parties when you were in HS. For one, the social pressure to drink is enormous these days. It wasn’t anywhere near the same when you were in HS.</p>
<p>It also happens much more often today than it did back then. Turning a blind eye to it doesn’t solve anything. Also, not attending parties doesn’t solve anything either. What you need to concentrate on is educating children on knowing the difference between moderation and too much, because they when they go off to College they will drink. And if they have had no real education on what moderation actually is, they will binge drink.(Which IMHO is the biggest problem for college students)</p>
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<p>Really, have things changed in one year? Wow!</p>
<p>jsanche32:
As to your second paragraph, I agree with that, of course, and that’s the problem I’m seeing here. Some are saying that she probably wouldn’t have gotten it if she hadn’t been drunk, and that very well could have been true, but that is why drinking is a major problem, whether it is considered normal or not. Most rapes have occurred when the victim had been drinking. I’m genuinely, honestly confused; what are you trying to rationalize here?</p>
<p>I never said getting drunk in HS is normal. What I said is kids will experiment with alcohol.(This is just reality) So its up to you the parent to teach them what moderation is. I honestly think you’re burying your head in the sand tbh. Kids these days are much more grown up than you were at that age.</p>
<p>If you’re just 19, I’m not sure you’re going to get the point. You’re really not old enough to look back to your HS years with any real degree of objectivity.</p>
<p>Or referencing post 193, one might say…
It is very hard for me to appreciate how one cares so much about tattoos that they…
are willing to risk a very pricey private college education they claimed was so valuable to them in order to get a tattoo immediately. </p>
<p>and referencing post 192, have some overlooked the other side of the “controlling” coin?
The student wants to force the parents to give the gift of the higher priced education despite her knowingly breaking their agreement to do so, and further, the D is willing to emotionally guilt the mother into being a co-conspirator by claiming the mother could ruin the daughter’s life. This is a young student that thinks they are entitled to whatever they want no matter what they do.</p>
<p>The easy (and sane solution) is to have the tattoo removed and then move on.</p>
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<p>Ignoring your assumption about my age, why then are you saying that drinking standards have indeed changed, but that they are now more mature now than they were then?</p>
<p>Second, I don’t know why you’re thinking I’m the one burying my head in the sand. Going back to the original topic, it’s the people here who have said that the parents are the ones who shouldn’t have made the tattoo rule in the first place. Some believe there is nothing wrong with tattoos - I believe there is something wrong with tattoos, though not quite for the same reasons as drinking. But above the tattoos, it’s the daughter who is at fault here for an underlying problem. Some seem to just want to ignore that issue. Are you rationalizing that by talking about how drinking (or “experimenting,” if that’s what you want to call it) is normal?</p>