<p>Well, I have to say that your friend’s D is sounding so much more mature than she sounded at the beginning of this thread. I’m impressed. Looks like she used the time while her dad was out of town to think things through thoroughly. I can only hope that she follows through and isn’t just all talk.</p>
<p>I hope the one lesson that she takes from this experience is that she needs to watch out when she drinks. She’s had first hand evidence that her thought processes/impulse control don’t work so well when she’s liquored up. Forewarned is forearmed…</p>
<p>^ Yes, lessons to be learned all the way around. I try to tell my kids (knowing full well they will have to learn on their own) that in a vacuum a couple of beers doesn’t seem like a big deal…and it’s really not, however then your judgement is altered and you are not going to make the best decisions. You are more likely to have unprotected sex, hook up with someone at a party you would normally think twice (yes, we’ve all heard of beer-goggles), get a tattoo that you might not like in a few months (I LOVED the analogy of putting on a t’shirt in the third grade and being stuck with it!), or any number of things. A few beers isn’t a big deal…it’s the lousy decision making that comes with it. Generally young people have a difficult time separating the two. Please note I said generally. I am aware that some young people are responsible from the start…some people never learn. I’m speaking in generalizations.</p>
<p>Neither parent wants her to stay home and go to state college.</p>
<p>Sounds like no one thought this through.
The parents didn’t think it through when they made the threat to an adult child that they didn’t intend to back up.
The child didn’t think it through when she made a decision ( that albeit only affected herself) to get a tattoo after having agreed not to.</p>
<p>I recognize that sometimes adults make bad decisions regarding their minor or adult children- however, it looks and sounds better if having made the ill advised statement, that you reverse or clarify your statement ASAP.
Not when the horse is already out of the barn.</p>
<p>I agree with the daughter having to deal w tattoo herself, although I am not against tattoos, I paid for my daughter to have a small tattoo on her shoulder as she wished for her 18th bd ( it was an adinkra symbol of her name she was given when she was in Ghana), but the initials of a boyfriend are gonna be a visible reminder of results of peer pressure- plus she may be wearing more modest swimwear as a result.
;)</p>
<p>I think parents often have to revise their pronouncements in response to events.</p>
<p>Over and over, for many years, my husband said, “Our kids are on their own the day they graduate from college.”</p>
<p>But in practice, there were delays of more than a month between their college graduations and the start of graduate school (for our son) or the start of a very good job (for our daughter). My husband wanted both kids to be able to take advantage of these very good opportunities. He quietly allowed both kids to stay on our health insurance until their new health insurance kicked in and provided some financial support (the opportunity to stay at our house, free food while living at our house) during the transition periods. He even acted as guarantor on a lease for one of them because the alternative would have been a long commute or living in a dangerous neighborhood.</p>
<p>Sometimes reality does not exactly agree with theory.</p>
<p>Over and over, for many years, my husband said, “Our kids are on their own the day they graduate from college.”</p>
<p>Our oldest attended a private middle/high school, & the process for application to 6th grade was extensive, including tours, classroom visits, & testing. I always said ( never having applied to a college myself, I was a bit naive) that when it was time for her to apply to college she was on her own. However, around 10th or 11th grade, I learned that I was going to be much more involved than I thought!</p>
<p>I was reading excerpts of the Bristol Palin memoir on Daily Beast on her “First Brush with Alcohol” and “Levi Takes Advantage of Her.” [Hint: they’re connected] Every girl should read it as a page out of the playbook of some guys out there.</p>
<p>Anyone ever heard of the punishment should fit the crime? The stuff I read hear is mostly insane absurd levels of parental attempts at control. Small tattoo in non visible spot? proper level of punishment might be holding back $100. You folks need a reality check–not her. Enforcing a dumb rule to begin with way out of proportion reactions shows major control issues. She is growing up–get used to it and support her.</p>
<p>holy cow! Parents here are waaay too controlling! My son got a couple of tattoos when he was about 16. One other child knew about them and said nothing. I found out during summer when he was wearing a pair of shorts and saw his legs all tattood. I didn’t like them, still don’t, but it’s his body. As he became a man, he went and had laser surgery to remove them–a lot more expensive and painful than getting them. As a 16 year old, he could have done something much worse—glad it was only a tattoo. Did I punish him? Hell no! What’s done is done, he wasn’t hurt, I wasn’t hurt, the dog wasn’t hurt, etc. Not a big deal in my book.</p>
<p>“I expect my kids to begin their new lives of indepedence at my funeral”----wow-do I hope you’re kidding! I have a parent in their 90’s—am I still expected to have them control my life? Geesch!</p>
<p>My son got a couple of tattoos when he was about 16. One other child knew about them and said nothing. I found out during summer when he was wearing a pair of shorts and saw his legs all tattood.</p>
<p>Where is it legal to tattoo a minor without parental consent?</p>
<p>I don’t know, but I am sure glad I don’t live there! There would have been **** to pay if my 16 year old came home with a tattoo without my knowledge and/or permission.</p>
<p>As far as I can tell, only in Tenn can a minor ( over 12!) can get a tattoo, before they are 18 without parental consent. In many states, even * with *the parents presence & permission, minors cannot legally get tattoos.</p>
<p>Not saying there are not some people who will do it anyway, but given that there could be a high risk of serious disease transmission ( Hep B/C, HIV for two) if health & safety standards are not followed, I would be very upset if my child received a tattoo at a shop that did not follow the law.</p>
<p>Here’s the wikipedia on what is required for tattoos of folks throughout the US. Some places only require “signed written permission” from parent/guardian, so kid could easily forge that & go ahead. Some require parental presence, so that would require someone to impersonate parent rather than simple forgery (to the extent tattoo places enforce the requirement (likely depends on how strict enforcement is & penalties). Some places strictly forbid tattoos on anyone under 18 with no exceptions with penalties applying.</p>
<p>This whole tattoo issue reminds me of the ear piercing/circumcision discussions when my children were babies. Yes, I mutilated both my children at birth, son was circumcised and daughter’s ears were pierced. Both are cultural norms where I live. I did do a lot of research before circumcising my son. He was not born in a hospital, so I had to take him to a urologist to have it done. I was leaning towards not doing it, but my husband felt strongly about it and convinced me to do it. My daughter’s ears were a given for me. Growing up in a Latin community, I thought all baby girls had their ears pierced in the hospital. My daughter had hers done and I don’t regret it for a second. As far as I know, neither regrets the decision I made, but I have had friends that were appalled that I made those decisions for them.</p>