<p>I am so glad to hear that things worked out! That is great, fishymom! I do believe the daughter (and the parents) have learned their lessons, but now the daughter is stuck with the scar for the rest of her life. It will serve as a painful reminder of what she had done when she became an adult, but now she knows that, even past 18, everyone is still growing. Everyone continues growing and learning until the moment they die. I am glad to know that she had thought twice about what she had done, and I am glad that the father didn’t blow up over this. A happy ending, indeed.</p>
<p>(Also, I read all the posts since my last one. Thanks to Marian for trying to clarify, but it just really comes down to what is appropriate parenting and what is not. I still believe the original deal was appropriate, as it was something my own mom would have done. Well, not quite, because it probably would never, ever even occur to her devout Christian Asian mind that I would even consider getting a tattoo, and I too think that would have been unacceptable if I were a parent. But that is the end of that. If I’ve acted like a jerk or offended anyone, I am sorry. It was not my intention.)</p>
<p>Well, Fishymom, I hope the family will make the choices that are the most rational and make the most sense rather than “sticking to their guns,” and insisting that she MUST only consider the local U because that was the original deal, especially as the D has shown greater maturity and reflection than initially. Sounds like there is a lot of room for the three of them to work things out.</p>
<p>So why not let the 18 y.o keep the tattoo and decide for herself when or if to remove it. Oh, that’s right, the parent’s feel they need to assert control. Now she’ll have a scar to constantly remind her of her parent’s control, as opposed to a dumb decision she made and learning from her mistake. Which lesson would you want your daughter to have?</p>
<p>My S got a tattoo on the left side of his chest when he was 19. Of course I don’t think it was a good idea, but, since I wasn’t going to play the money/controlling game, he at least discussed the decision with me (conversation and consideration over the span of 2 years) I was able to discuss the implications and consequences of a tattoo. As a result, I didn’t prevent the tattoo, but it is a carefully considered one as opposed to a spur of the moment rebellious act.</p>
<p>I am into removing the tattoo, and I would play the money card, i think I am probably still a pretty good parent, and my kids are well adjust. Just because some people have different value system doesn’t make them controlling, even if they were controlling it doesn’t necessary make them bad parents either (better than those loosey, goosey parents who are afraid to take a stand). Of course, our own parenting method is always the best.:)</p>
<p>I had the recollection that the 18 yr old wanted it removed, and DID decide for her self that she wanted to remove the tattoo(and the ex-boyfriend’s initials) Am I incorrect?
Did this thread somewhere say student was forced to remove it?
How exactly was student forced to remove it, because the student proved darn well she couldn’t be forced NOT to get one?</p>
<p>Younghoss, you are correct. The daughter had asked her cousin about removing the tattoo before the mom found out about it. I talked to my friend a little while ago. They had a long talk with the daughter last night and have left the choice of whether to remove the tattoo or have the initial covered up to her. Whatever she decides will be at her own expense. They believe that their daughter is sincere in her remorse at not being honest with them and for exercising poor judgement in getting the tattoo in the first place. The issue of alcohol consumption has also been addressed. The daughter is ready and willing to accept the consequences of her actions and that has gone a long way in helping them make the decision that is right for their family. They have forgiven their daughter and she will attend her chosen college in the fall. The daughter has learned many important lessons from this experience and they are confident that she will make better choices for herself moving forward. My friend and her husband are proud of their daughter for the way she has handled this whole situation, save the initial meltdown and tirade against her mom, for which she has apologized profusely and gone out of her way to make amends. I wish them the best and know their daughter will have a great college experience and continue to make them proud.</p>
<p>Yes, she did decide to remove it. But, it is unclear if it was because that is what she wanted, or if she was influenced due to threats of withdrawal of financial resources. </p>
<p>Oldfort - I am sure you are a good parent, and probably a better one than I. I disallowed tattoos when my kids were young. It is hard for me to fathom such control over my adult child that I would use financial manipulation when they decide to put a harmless decoration on their own body. Of course, I would use financial manipulation if they were hurting themselves and others. </p>
<p>I guess others see a tattoo as hurting themselves. But, by keeping a dialogue open, and understanding our own prejudices, it is more likely to be a tasteful and well considered decoration. Plus, you can steer your kids to a safe place with a good reputation. To me, getting one, and then removing it is more harmful than getting the tattoo in the first place. </p>
<p>Disclaimer: I don’t like tattoos at all.</p>
<p>edited to say I posted after fishymom’s post which makes a lot of mine moot.</p>
<p>GTalum, the daughter was already looking at removal before her mom discovered the tattoo. She is apparently embarrassed about the tattoo, mainly because of the initial. I personally don’t think the parents were trying to control their daughter through financial manipulation. They discussed the daughter’s options for school at length before they agreed to the ED application. The parents felt strongly about the issue of tattoos and piercings and wanted their daughter to wait until she was older and more mature before she made the decision to get one. At the time, the daughter did not have a burning desire to get a tattoo and admits that the tattoo was a spur of the moment decision, facilitated by peer pressure and alcohol consumption. This child is a good kid, an excellent student who gained admission to one of top schools in the country. She is well aware of the sacrifice her parents are making for her to attend said school. She very much regrets her stupid decision, her breach of trust and the position she put her parents in. Thankfully, it looks like everything will work out for the best and she has learned some very valuable lessons.</p>
<p>Not the least of which is-“Don’t get a tattoo that can be connected with a certain boyfriend. Chances are that you’ll have the tattoo a lot longer than you’ll have the boyfriend.”</p>
<p>Sounds like the student can file this under the heading of “young and dumb” and hopefully can now move on smarter, after learning something about trust, and boyfriends. Politicians would call this “youthful indiscretions”.</p>
<p>Just read in another, unrelated thread, about a sudent that accepted a college’s aid package and got a 4 yr academic scholarship at a school, but has to maintain a 3.0 to keep the scholarship. Wow. Can you imagine that! How that school is trying to control the potential student! Some here must be outraged.</p>
<p>Yes, that was sarcastic. I see it as offering a reward for reaching a gpa they desire. Since the student accepted, I am guessing the student sees it as incentive to attend that school.</p>
<p>Certainly younghoss, you can see the difference between a harmless body decoration and maintaining a minimal GPA standard when it comes to school funding. </p>
<p>@fishymom - I am so glad things worked out for this wonderful student. She seems like a daughter to be proud of, with or without a tattoo.</p>
Personally I like the diversity of opinion that students bring to the parents forum. This was rude and uncalled for LordMonty. I’m interested to hear what you have to say, but not interested in personal attacks or innuendo.</p>
<p>note: You may also want to stop spamming that website on each of your posts. It may be misunderstood as some type of advertisement which is frowned upon here.</p>
<p>It seems to me the daughter couldn’t have done a much more effective job of proving the wisdom of her parents’ desire simply to have her wait four years before deciding on a tattoo.</p>
<p>Frankly, it seems like it would be a small enough request for a a beloved daughter to grant to her adoring father and mother, who have admitedly spoiled her for 18 years and are ready to commit a huge sum of money toward sending her to her expensive college of choice. Contrary to what some have tried to imply here, asking her to forego an optional cosmetic procedure for 4 years is hardly tantamount to telling her not to have sex, not have an abortion, or not announce she’s gay (not a choice anyway).</p>
<p>Skyhook, I wholeheartedly agree with you! Frankly, I am quite surprised at some of the responses. Apparently I am not as mainstream as I thought. I have always thought of myself as a reasonable person, but reading some of these responses has made my head shake.</p>
<p>Good lord! While the issue of tattoo removal and college funding had been discussed here to death, very few parents mentioned the MOST IMPORTANT thing that the parents of this student need to do: send her off to the doctor’s office to get tested for *every possible disiease *that she could have picked up at that tattoo parlor with a follow up round of testing in 6 month. Tattoos and scars are only skin-deep, but if she contracted HIV or HepC at that place, she could be unknowingly passing them to others in the future!!!</p>
<p>That’s interesting as I’m equally surprised with the responses of those that feel such demands by the parents is OK as I think we’re all reasonable people. It has certainly opened my eyes as well. </p>
<p>@Skyhook, If the tattoo was merely a request that a loving daughter wanted to honor due to respect for her parents (which sounds to me how the daughter truly did feel) we wouldn’t be having this discussion. It was a provision in a financial transaction for college about a behavior, IMO, had nothing to do with school success.</p>
<p>BunsenBurner, I also thought about Hep C. (Hep C can remain viable in ink, and ink packs that were reused, esp RED ink, were common sources of hep C for many years. The needles were being handled properly, but ink packs were being reused. Ink packs were not implicated in HIV spread.)</p>
<p>The good news is that Florida is tough on tattoo parlors in a good way. And there seems to be an attitude/culture in the state that if you are not following guidelines someone will report you. Regular tattoo shops, esp on South Beach, have a regular and high end clientele. You can’t pay the rent in that area unless you are more careful than an average physician’s office or surgery center. So the fact that she got the tattoo there is a good thing.</p>
<p>Respectfully, I am also fine with it being a provision in a financial transaction. I can guarantee you that I would have preferred it over repaying college loans every month for ten years, which is how I paid for my college education.</p>
<p>sunnyflorida, the fact that that tattoo parlor agreed to tattoo a inhebriated underage (at least for drinking) person raises lots of red flags for me. I would still send that young lady for testing.</p>