<p>OK, someone please help me understand this whole scenario.</p>
<p>The OP has been talking about these problems since last summer (and before). Other than bringing her home from her LAC, what actions have the parents taken to command action from the daughter?</p>
<p>When you read this thread, I see lots of ‘plans’… she has to move out, she has to drop out of school, she has to stay home, she can’t have a car, she must have a car, she has to get certain grades, she has to find a roommate, and on and on and on. It seems like there’s an action plan du jour. But other than moving her home from her LAC, no other consequences have been brought upon her.</p>
<p>Upthread, I mentioned an umbrella insurance policy. This is exactly why. She does not care that her reckless behavior could cause bodily harm to someone else (obviously she doesn’t care about bodily harm because she has physically abused her mom - there, I said it, let’s not avoid talking about the big white elephant in the middle of the room), but who’s going to be held financially liable for her behavior? Mom and Dad. </p>
<p>momma-three - this may be very painful to ask yourself, but what if the driver in that other car had been one of your sons? How would your resistance to following through with consequences make you feel then? After months and months and months of venting on this board and trying to understand the hows and whys of who she is, nothing has changed; in fact, my bet is you’d say it has gotten worse? Is the serious injury or death of someone else going to be her bottom (or yours?). </p>
<p>You’ve not mentioned any appointments or any recent communication in general with her therapist or your own. Why is that? Are you afraid of what they’re going to tell you? I think as of about four weeks ago, everything else in your life should have been put on hold while you did everything in your power to schedule an appt. to try to resolve some of this. I think you are frozen in your fear.</p>
<p>Also, sometimes it’s easy to pick up more on a story by what is not said, as opposed to what is said. Correct me if I’m wrong (please point it out), but I cannot say I’ve really read anywhere that you and H can agree on a course of action, or that he’s been of any helpful support to you. Sounds like you get more support from your sons, of which we all know, will be abruptly cut off soon when one moves and the other returns to school. I suspect there’s a huge void in the marriage when two parents can’t sit down and agree on what priorities they need to set in order to keep themselves and others safe. She will divide and conquer if she hasn’t already. </p>
<p>Jym626 has asked a number of times what date has been set for a move out and you’ve never answered. And soozievt has suggested numerous times that you meet with the counselor now; I think these actions warrant an emergency meeting of which a therapist should be willing to flex some hours to facilitate a plan. But you don’t seem to have taken any initiative to do this (perhaps you have and you just haven’t shared it with the CC board). And yes, it was also asked what you are getting out of all of this. People don’t continue to collude with someone’s destructive behavior without getting some benefit for yourself. Honestly, your inability to stand up to her after all this time and all these threats is beginning to look like the poor battered wife who refuses to leave her abuser because he says he’s going to change. </p>
<p>Sorry if this is harsh, but I feel like I’m just saying what so many others here have been trying to skirt around, and after today’s incident, how bad does it have to get before you realize your role in it?</p>