<p>I should be able to because the ceremony is as much as for the families as it is for the students, and at the bare minimum a student should go for their family no matter how big or small that family is.</p>
<p>HS is HS and College is College, and like you said a lot of people don’t ever get to grad school, so this would be a missed opportunity on a college level.</p>
<p>The flipping the coin option is not a bad idea, and might work to ultimately solve this with little to know argument as the decision would be fair.</p>
<p>Maybe I missed it in an earlier post, but OP, what is so important to you about attending the graduation ceremony (other than the fact that you paid the tuition). Does the actual ceremony have some special meaning for you? Or is all this just because your daughter said no to you, and you feel that she does not have the right to do so, and that this is a power struggle?</p>
<p>boysx3 I’m not even sure if there’s a smaller departmental ceremony? If there is she hasn’t told me, and as far as I know she hasn’t planned to do anything else around the graduation period.</p>
<p>Ah, we were in a similar situation last spring. I’ll share our happy-ending story. </p>
<p>DD had a long an winding path through college, six years and two schools. But at the second school (first part time from home) she had turned things around. She had a good GPA and a great IT support desk job on campus. We were really proud and looking forward to graduation. She is not big on ceromony and resisted. </p>
<p>Digging deeper, there was money involved (about $30). She thought it was wasteful. We volunteered to pay. She was also short on time and not motivated to chase down the details. We knew if we forced the issue she would comply. But we decided getting the degree was most important. We requested but did not insist. </p>
<p>Lo and behold… she discovered the graduation speaker would be Julie Andrews and decided to attend. We used to watch Sound of Music every Christmas. Plus Julie has done cool other things recently. There were three generations at graduation approving of the speaker choice. In fact, it’s the only time I’ve seen standing ovation (from students and family) BEFORE a speech.</p>
<p>I didn’t attend my college graduation because I was offended that they wanted $25 for the diploma; after the tuition my family paid, it should have been gratis. My parents understood and did not pressure me in the slightest. </p>
<p>My oldest graduated and wanted me there, so I went (happily). My guess is that the next one will not want to “walk,” and maybe we will find something more fun to do instead. I’m sure that we will celebrate in some form, but it just might not be in a traditional form. </p>
<p>I have gone back and forth on whether OP is an older variant of a ■■■■■, but I think she’s serious. I am going to bookmark this thread, because the next time that my kids think that I’m overbearing, selfish, and obtuse, I am going to ask them to read this thread. But, as it happens, I might never get to use the bookmark, because they very seldom have that view of me. Funny that.</p>
<p>It’s not because she said no to me, I just feel this is an important, that marks an important milestone in her life. After about these five years or so it’s to mark her accomplishments, so it’s more for a sentimental value on my side.</p>
<p>My Ds boyfriend graduated last winter and not only did his parent not pressure him to walk but they gave him graduation money to take D on vacation for her spring break.
She will graduate in June, it is completely up to her whether she walks or not.
Im tremendously proud of her either way.</p>
<p>As I didnt realize there was a father in the picture since OP referred to herself as a single mom, Im curious what dad says about moms stance?</p>
<p>I remember having a similar argument with my parents about getting a class ring in HS. I’m not big on jewelry, and really disliked my HS, so why would I want to waste money on a ring I knew I’d never wear? Wound up making a scene at the school during the purchasing night and was able to convince parents to hold off and save the money to buy me a college ring instead. Tried to also get out of a college ring (mostly because I’m still not a jewelry guy), but wound up giving in for that fight. Ring sits in a bag in a drawer.</p>
<p>Had similar experience with walking for graduation. I remember for HS I didn’t know either of the people next to me, didn’t care about any of the speeches, and couldn’t have been happier when the whole thing was over. Only reason I agreed to go was because my whole family was coming into town. I didn’t care much about my college’s general graduation, but did wind up enjoying the departmental ceremony.</p>
<p>Not sure how interested I’ll be in my PhD graduation this spring. I told my parents I don’t care if they come out for that. What mattered to me was being here during my defense. Probably the first actual academic occasion I really cared about and want them around for.</p>
<p>Edit: I suspect this sort of thing with “life experience” is something that some people will care about and some won’t. I remember my parents wanting me to go to prom with a couple of my friends, but we just went out and had a fun night outside of school instead. Parents thought I was missing out on a wonderful night, but I can certainly say I had more fun with my friends than if I had been at prom without them.</p>
<p>Basically people have different things they like to feel sentimental about. Your daughter might value some sort of fun day much more than having to sit through graduation.</p>
<p>Daughter just came to me about the situation and was the one to offer me a compromise. So things are more or less worked out, I won’t force her to go and throughout all of this have re-evaluated that this is just how my child is and that there’s no reason to push the matter.</p>
<p>I’m still fairly upset that daughter won’t do this for me, because anything else really doesn’t equal the amount a ceremony does, but this is just the reality of the situation.</p>
<p>We offered to get our kids class rings, yearbooks, grad photos, grad ceremony, baccaulaurette dinner and the kids declined most things. They waffled a bit but decided to walk. Both found their smaller school ceremonies more interesting. S had the capt who landed the plane on the NY river as their speaker and D had an amazing cinema person. </p>
<p>Both kids didn’t want a big fuss, no rings, no announcements, no formal portraits. We went to the baccaulaurette dinner for S (he’s older) because H wanted it. It was pleasant and D invited a graduating friend. My BIL and SIL drove down 8 hours to attend. D preferred not to have 2nd dinner, saying she attended one just 2 years prior. We were happy to celebrate with her. Bro,SIL, BIL, and two nieces attende with us. It was pleasant. </p>
<p>Can’t remember the soeaker for either graduation, nor the other graduations we’ve recently attended. </p>
<p>I would not want a pitched battle over whether or not to attend a graduation or any other ceremony. It really sounds like other factors are at issue.</p>
<p>Glad you and your D are working things out. The relationship seems the most important to me. :)</p>
<p>Coffeecar, just curious, did you graduate from college and go to your graduation? This has me wondering if you want to go so badly because you did not have this experience yourself. I could be off base, but just wondering.</p>
<p>Congratulations RacinRiver!
My son bought 2 college class rings during his freshman year. He weared the silver ring until the last semester. He weared the gold ring during the graduation time. But he did not care about the graduation ceremony. He did not give me a chance to take his picture (changed clothes right after receiving diploma).</p>
<p>My high school pressured me to walk with my class even though I wasn’t graduating. I didn’t want to pretend to other people that I had finished when I hadn’t. We made a deal that I would walk as long as I didn’t have to receive an empty diploma case (which I viewed as lying to the crowd). They’d call my name and I’d walk up and shake the principal’s hand. Agreed.</p>
<p>Come graduation, I walked up and put out my hand…and the principal stuck the empty diploma case into it. What more could you do to prove to an 18-year-old that the whole enterprise was a charade? What a good John Hughes movie moment that would have been.</p>
<p>You know, this may sound weird, but even though your dau is not walking, maybe you and she could attend the ceremony together and watch? That might be an alternative way to share the moment. Just a thought…</p>
<p>intparent; I graduated from college and went to my graduation.</p>
<p>boysx3; The compromise was that she would do a senior portrait instead, however I have altogether let the graduation issue drop. So although she’s offered to do the portrait, and also do something else in celebration, for that I’ve just let it all slide and now at this point she can make all the decisions for her graduation.</p>
<p>Ah, we didn’t do college senior portrait - I’d like that. We did hs senior photo since required for yearbook. Our compromise there was that one pose was done in newly purchased (aka bribe item) Broncos jersey. All the poses were nice, but I have to admit the casual Broncos one is my favorite.</p>
<p>CoffeeCar–Sounds like a great compromise! And after re-thinking I thought since you usually have a good relationship with your D that maybe it was better to let it go even though I can feel your disappointment. She probably struggled with it too but just couldn’t bring herself to do it.</p>