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<p>That’s not really how it works. You can’t just move somewhere, get a place, and hope you’ll get a job. No one will rent to you unless you have, bare minimum, first and last month’s rent plus security deposit. </p>
<p>And if he does have that, perhaps he has it more together than you think. :)</p>
<p>Too bad she is not going to a Military Academy. They would be apart basically until the Christmas break whether they like it or not.</p>
<p>Good luck. My sister followed a boy to Arizona State and she is the only one of my siblings who never finished her degree.</p>
<p>I agree with an earlier poster, though. Not likely he will get into or be able to afford an out of state JC. It takes a lot of work to do that sort of thing. Either he breaks out of character and gets driven to do something or he talks a good game and never actually fills out applications, misses deadlines and the whole thing dies on the vine.</p>
<p>Parenting really sucks sometimes. You want to just transfer your knowledge into their heads and save them the pain. Good luck. We will say a prayer for you.</p>
<p>Side note: Romani, the reason you mentioned is likely why he became an ex so quickly. LOL.</p>
<p>From what I happen to know during the winter break, their expectations for this potential relationship are so different that it seems it is difficult to move forward for both of them. Maybe she thinks he is sort of like living in her parent’s generation but she is not – thus she made a comment that he is likely someone her parent would approve of but apparently she herself would not.)</p>
<p>Maybe because of his “wrong” attitude for his generation, he will never find “the one” because of being born in one generation while he behaves as if he were in another generation. (Re: the issue about communicating with exes: it seems it got on his nerve when she was constantly communicating with exes hours and hours maybe even during the whole night while he really could not afford a life style like that right now, as his 11-12 “working” hours often starts at 5:30 am almost everyday.)</p>
<p>OP, I apologize for adding this side note to romani in the above. Many CCers disapproved what I had posted about my role (mostly just for my venting) in DS’s short-lived dating experience during last winter break, just like many here seem to disapprove of your role in it for your D.</p>
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I laughed when I read this, as you seemed to imply that I needed to study while my BF did not. Unfortunately for him, he failed so many of his classes that he was not transferable from our Community College. I, OTH, managed to get out of there with a 3.83, which I carried for the next 2 years and graduated Summa Cum Laude. It was HE who needed to study, much more than I, but he had zero motivation to do so. </p>
<p>Good times. Cute kittens, BTW.</p>
<p>sylvan, I was not referring to you. I was talking that in general, depending on what academic/career path a person takes, he or she may have a very different “workload”. That is all what I meant to say. (This is more a reflection on what I know about DS’s college and post-college experience rather than anything else. A different career path may require a different kind and amount of work – e.g., 11 or 12 hours of self-study everyday for over a month, for almost everyone in your class, and the majority of these peers were not dumb, like maintaining 3.9 GPA, in their UG years. Not everyone is willing to go anywhere near this kind of life path.)</p>
<p>I think he will try to move there, work, and maybe eventually go to a CC. Romani is right, he can’t just move there with empty pockets, but if he worked over the summer, saved some money, he might find someone on Craigs List or wherever to rent him a room or share an apt while he gets on his feet.</p>
<p>Are his parents aware of any of this? Do you know what their thoughts are? </p>
<p>Sylvan…you were smart to escape that guy. Needy folks can cause havoc. </p>
<p>Where’s the old ‘turkey drop’ thread?</p>
<p>I think you need to let it go, but set the rules about on-campus housing and grades and hope once she gets to college she finds a group of ‘like-minded’ studious kids that she may have more in common with than BF. </p>
<p>I agree with your decision aggriffin: do not mention the boyfriend at all. Just indicate that she is to live in the dorms to take full advantage of the college experience (if not, she can live at home and commute 
) and should maintain a decent GPA (2.7 or 3.0?) since you’re investing so much for her education.
No mention of boyfriend at all in this as you said. Just parental concern for her education and for funds well-invested.</p>
<p>My daughters BF’s parents are divorced with neither one of them really helping him out financially rom what I can see. The father does let him live for a price with him, but would prefer to buy two jet skis over helping his son out in any way. For instance airfare to Nevada for a family trip. (even half would have been helpful) The family left BF at home, because he couldnt afford a ticket.
(Back to those two jet skis) Priorities are all screwed up in that family.<br>
As a family, my wife and I actually do more for him than what we see his family doing. We have taken him on trips, out to eat, and so forth. </p>
<p>Thanks</p>
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<p>What price? Just some chores expected for a “child” like taking out the garbage? Or, he really charges him for the room?</p>
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<p>I could not imagine there is such a parent in this world.</p>
<p>I only heard of the other extreme in my circle of friends: The parents of a college age child arranged a trip (granted, just a camping trip in a national park which is 12 hours away by car. But the parents had planned it for several months.) At the last minute, the young adult child decided not to join the trip … Just because he did not feel like it. The parents were very disappointed of course.</p>
<p>This is a real case but is not the case for my family. But we have done many things about which DS “rolled his eyes” when he grew up because he thought we should not have done it for him.</p>
<p>BTW, I think people (esp., CC parents who tend to go extra miles to do things for their child) should be aware that the relationship between parents and a child can never be the same as a landlord and a tenant. The relationship is much more complicated than that.</p>
<p>it sounds like your daughter’s BF doesn’t have real parenting in his life so his wish to follow her may just be because she’s the only person who doesn’t treat him like a cash box but as a real person. This home situation may also explain why he’s not as accomplished in school but once on his own although I hope he gets counseling.</p>
<p>Is it even legal for a parent to charge their minor child for room and board at their house (if that’s what’s you’re describing?) Leaving him out of a family trip isn’t illegal but seems extremely cruel - how is that a family trip if the kid has to pay for it himself?Is the family just parents, with kids seen as extraneous and bothersome? If there are other kids, was he the only one excluded from the trip? This type of money-based exclusion sounds borderling abusive actually (in that it reveals the parents’ way of seeing the relationship.) Does he have to pay for the food he eats and if he doesn’t pay up he won’t get food, for instance (yes that happens, and some parents actually withdraw food if the kid doesn’t pay up…; that’s considered abuse, for example).</p>
<p>OP, I wouldn’t say much about it, though I usually can’t stop myself personally…My kids tune me out when I talk AT them too much. If you’ve said it once or twice then she knows it. Does she have any friends who’ve been away? Does she have any perception of what living on campus is like? If so, then she might be worried a little as well that he might cramp her. She will be nervous enough without you drilling into her how horrible it will be if bf goes.</p>
<p>A lot of kids are all talk. What are the chances this kid has found an apartment? Tuition aside (around here we have 2 year “community colleges” they are fairly cheap, 1/3 of the State Universities) will he have the $ to rent a place? Likely not. I doubt his parents want to finance him to live away at jr college (unless there aren’t any where he could live at home.)</p>
<p>The relationship will run its course. Many relationships don’t make it through the first year. When my sons have gf’s they are together a LOT (here at home) yet somehow even they break up. Being nearby doesn’t guarantee anything.</p>
<p>btw, I understand your concern that bf may not amount to much. I think it is valid because it is hard to make ends meet these days and 2 decent salaries make it much easier. That’s a whole different thread though! Doesn’t mean that everybody has to make great money and have a great job, just that they should TRY to get themselves in a place where things are possible. I guess the word “slacker” comes to mind. I wouldn’t want a leech or a slacker for my kids. I am not referring to SAHP. SAHP usually comes after one of the parents is established in a job that can pay the bills, before kids it’s best if both people are working hard. Sometimes a SAHP is great, but only if you can afford it. I got to be one for a long time, but hubby worked his butt off.</p>
<p>Keep in mind that if she is a hard working,driven person, she will eventually see that he isn’t (or maybe he will turn out just fine–too soon to tell) and she will end it.</p>
<p>It will be ok. Right now you are only seeing your dream of what you think she will do in college and you are afraid he will wreck it. It probably won’t happen. Maybe you should ask him or his parents what the plans are for living arrangements. Maybe you will find out his parents aren’t on board. I suppose you could ask your daughter where he will live and who is paying. I’d be curious if she has any idea or not… Be careful if you talk to his parents, my kids would kill me. You’d have to do it casually by running into them or something…can’t just call and ask. Your daughter would be mad and they’d be offended by your concern. (What, are you saying my Joey isn’t good enough and you don’t want him around your daughter? Why would you think Joey would ruin her freshman year? My Joey is the best kid ever, in fact I think I’ll send him straight to the U after all!)</p>
<p>Since her BF is 18 and graduated last yr. I guess a parent can charge to have a child live and pay their own expenses at home? I assume it must be a lot cheaper than living on his own, but still it doesnt help this kid when he is struggling to get into a JC here locally. </p>
<p>Parent</p>
<p>@aggriffin: okay, it makes sense if the BF isn’t a minor and has graduated - not quite the same as telling a high school kid “you know that cool family vacation we’ve talked about for months? well if you don’t pay for it yourself, you’re not going”. Still may be pushing it if the kid is trying to attend a community college and can’t afford it, but it may mean he won’t be able to attend a JC in another state.</p>