<p>The book I recommended isn’t a diet book. It does have a three page Appendix with the outline of a diet used at the Lifestyle Medical Clinic at Duke Univeristy (Dr. Westman <a href=“Find Your Duke Provider | Duke Health”>Find Your Duke Provider | Duke Health). That’s the only diet advice in the book.</p>
<p>Personally, I don’t find diet books (at least the kinds with meal plans and all that) very useful. I think that to successfully make permanent lifestyle changes, it is more important to understand the broad concepts. For example, someone trying to get more fit would be best served by understanding the concept of high intensity interval exercise or the concept of large muscle functional resistance training.</p>
<p>It is a low carb advocacy book, which basically makes it a diet book with respect to the general population. (This is also true of books advocating other diet ideologies, not just low carb.)</p>
<p>I may have missed it if someone else mentioned this, but some weight issues are more related to how food is used - as a reward, to comfort, to ease stress, as a “friend” - than to portion size and exercise. If you do get to have this conversation with your daughter it would be interesting to see if she is truly only eating when she’s hungry or if she’s self-medicating with food. My food/weight issues almost always relate to high stress and lack of sufficient sleep. Eating makes me “feel good”. (haha, temporarily.)</p>
<p>OP, you mentioned that your D competed in collegiate sports. As a collegiate athlete, she had been taught a lot (by her coaches and sports nutritionists) about food and proper nutrition to keep her body in the top training and competing shape. However, what is good for an athlete who spends hours a week in the gym, on the track or in the pool, generally does not work for the general population. Michael Phelps needs to consume 12,000 calories daily because he burns them all swimming an ungodly yardage. Just imagine what those calories will do to an average active American male! Many former competitive athletes become overweight due to the fact that they do not modify their eating habits after stopping their training. So my point here is that, while your D is probably aware of the nutritional needs for an athlete in her particular sport, she may need some coaching as to how much her nutrition needs to change since her retirement. I would not hesitate to point my child in the right direction here and teach her some cooking and grocery shopping skills as well. Just do not bring up the societal issues and looks. It is all about health and eating for optimal performance, just not as a competitive athlete but as a young lady entering independent life.</p>
<p>This thread has me thinking about my own weight and my D’s and their weight issues. I was always the girl who could eat anything and not gain a lb. I could eat McDonalds and stay stick thin while my friends in HS had to watch what they ate. My friends and family called me the 90 lb weakling since I did not exercise at all. After having kids I started to slowly gain weight. I realized I had to change my eating habits. The thing that finally worked was starting small and making life changes. No diet program.
Both my D’s struggle with weight image. They both have had periods of being to thin. I say something. Younger D tends to think she is fat if she hits 115. We tell her she is not fat and when she wants to diet we talk to her about some of the unhealthy habits we observe. Eating for health not for weight.
Couple of observations with my own kids-
Drinking way to many calories. I am not talking alcohol. Both of them don’t like the taste of water. Gatorade, lemonade, vitamin water, sweetened tea and juice all have a ton of calories they don’t even realize they are consuming. Coffee drinks from Starbucks. I think Starbucks posting calorie counts is making many a female think twice about the blended mocha. Soda.
Eating late at night. My D who is concerned about her weight was eating late at night and eating in her room. I call her on finding bags of goldfish or chips in her room. It is not about weight but about being healthy.
Also for younger D when I see her focusing on her weight in a unhealthy way I make a call to her therapist and they talk about it. Better with a neutral party.
In our case both girls are not overweight but do tend to have unhealthy eating habits.</p>
<p>The sugar drinks (soda, fruit juices, sports drinks, sweet teas, and Starbucks coffee milk shakes) are absolutely the first thing that should go in ever diet. There’s really no reason to consume liquid sugar and they are devastating to anyone who tends to put on weight.</p>
<p>I’ve recently lost about 20 pounds. What I say may be obvious, but in order to lose weight you have to make permanent life changes. </p>
<p>Exercise alone isn’t enough. It has to be exercise that you enjoy or you won’t keep up with it. I find treadmills and gym equipment boring as heck. I prefer to be outside so I play tennis. Lots of tennis. I love it so I do it. It’s not exercise, it’s fun.</p>
<p>Same with food. Keep it simple. For me, the simple solution has been to cut out most carbs. So I eat meat and vegetables and fruit for dessert. No pasta (which I really love), no potatoes and only enough bread to make a sandwich. I eat eggs for breakfast. I eat a lot of Greek yogurt. It’s high protein. I also find that eating steak, pork chops and any other meat that has to be chewed thoroughly, slows down eating. I start to feel full before I have finished the steak. Protein stays with me longer so I don’t get hungry as soon. </p>
<p>It’s hard for a college student. There’s so much stress and so much sedentary activity, unless the student goes to a college that requires a lot of walking to get to the various areas. Good luck to your daughter.</p>
<p>That means that (a) the OP’s daughter probably already thinks or knows that she has a problem (though she may not necessarily frame the problem in terms of health), and (b) the OP (and anyone else) needs to be very careful about how she attempts to help.</p>
<p>This is an enormous topic. I was bulemic as a young woman, for a couple of years. One day I just woke up and thought, “This is stupid.” Having grown up in a house where we ate very healthily, it was not too difficult to revert to the food patterns of my childhood. So my family, despite the brief time of distress, probably made the whole issue of weight maintenance easier for me. </p>
<p>That said, it’s not nothing, being female in America. We are between the proverbial rock and a hard place.</p>
<p>Another story. My daughter was a ballet dancer, and extremely skinny all through her dancing days. When she stopped dancing 25 hours/week, she approached a more average weight. I had a talk with her when I started to hear her participating in “weight talk.” I told her, “I can’t tell you that it doesn’t matter what you weigh in America. I can’t tell you that it’s easy to live with all the images we face. But you need to focus on health, and find a way to eat that feels good to you and supports your body. Do not let the cultural focus make you nuts, but do pay attention to your health.”</p>
<p>I mean, what else can we say? We can’t lie and say it doesn’t matter. But neither should we participate in the cultural noise around women’s bodies without calling out the unfairness of it all. That’s the only thing I know to do - neither sugarcoat nor fall victim to damaging cultural perspectives. It is just not easy.</p>
<p>I don’t think this is the right question. Let’s assume for the moment that if someone acted like you, they would be as thin as you are. The issue is, how hard is it for someone else to act like you? Apparently, in a lot of cases, very hard indeed. They’re fighting what their body is programmed for.</p>
<p>Let’s say you were sitting next to someone with poison ivy, and you wanted to urge them to stop scratching. It would be no good to say, have my life and act like me. You’re not scratching because you’re not itching! But they are.</p>
<p>Consider also that some drugs have the side-effect of making people gain weight, sometimes quite a lot of weight. People who are able, when not taking these drugs, to maintain a normal weight, suddenly, under the influence of the drugs, end up gaining weight. They don’t suddenly develop weak wills and a poor moral character-- they just have a different body, sending different food messages. Given this is true, then it is likely also true that some undrugged people have a different body, sending different food messages, than you do.</p>
<p>It’s easy to resist temptation when you’re not tempted, or when you’re not tempted very much. That should not lead us to conclude that it’s easy to resist temptation in all cases.</p>
<p>Start going to the gym yourself, at least four days a week. Talk to her about it for a few months. Play up the benefits that you personally have received, while saying nothing about her. Then ask her to join you.</p>
<p>I feel so badly for those who struggle with weight. I have weighed the same thing for past twenty-plus years: 120lbs. This is after 3 kids (all C-sections). My boys all look totally emanciated. (Well, two of the three boys. The oldest is of normal weight.) Maybe we do it all wrong: we use luncheon plates for our dinner plate. I tend to forget about meals, although I can’t skip a meal. I just don’t think about food. I try to keep mostly healthy foods in the house (yogurt, cheeses, nuts, fruit). And I discourage in-between eating.</p>
<p>I always felt that weight is something that is genetic. You could say I’m lucky to be so thin, but truthfully I had nothing to do with it. Instead of having lots of food around, large portions, and in-between eating, we tend to eat smaller portions, and cut back all those snacks. It might not seem so simple to lose weight, but cutting back can make a lot of difference. </p>
<p>Any suggestions about gaining weight? My 5’8" son weighs just 112 lbs.</p>
<p>My dad was alway heavy. Not obese, but larger than average. One day he said to me “Never get fat! It’s much harder to lose weight than to just never gain it in the first place.” My dad & I weren’t big on “serious conversations” but that one really stuck with me. I can still vividly remember it and have thought of it at several times in my life when I gained a few pounds.</p>
<p>I think OP’s husband is really the one who should have the conversation…but I bought my son a summer membership to Lifetime last year and he had a blast. He went almost every day. Maybe you could get a summer membership for you & your D. Or find out where some of her friends go and offer to pay for a membership there.</p>
<p>Anxiousmom1–I think you’ve already stated eloquently what might be helpful for your daughter to hear–that you’ve noticed she’s gained quite a bit of weight and that you are concerned, because of her family history, that her health may be at risk if her weight gain continues. If she is receptive–she may be concerned about it too-- you can offer to help in any way you can–a sensible commercial program such as Weight Watchers, seeing a registered dietician, paying for a gym membership, etc. If she doesn’t really want to talk about it, acts defensive, or states she doesn’t see it as a problem, I’d back off for now. If she hasn’t had a checkup for a while, having her see her doctor for a routine checkup may also be helpful – if her doctor talks with her about her weight gain, that may have an impact in helping her to be more motivated.</p>
<p>I know you’ve talked about your husband who is severely obese and apparently pretty disabled by it. Has he considered bariatric surgery? For appropriate candidates, it can be lifechanging, both in terms of health improvements (resolution of diabetes, sleep apnea, etc) but also in improving quality of life…</p>
<p>OP here .Thanks so much to all have shared so many ideas and suggestions. All This, your dads line, “Never get fat! It’s much harder to lose weight than to just never gain it in the first place.” really resonates with me. I watched my husband gradually gain weight, try to lose it, and end up fundamentally disabled as a relatively young man. I am terrified that this could happen to my daughter. I cant imagine shed let the same thing happen to her, but I couldnt have imagined it would happen to my husband either. </p>
<p>She had a very recent physical, but I dont know if her weight was discussed, or what kind of blood work was done. I will follow up with her and ask about blood tests. I would be quite surprised if this was actually a medical issue. I think mostly she overeats and eats the wrong things. Now that shes not burning huge numbers of calories through hours of daily workouts in her sport, she is paying for her habits. As Interesteddad mentioned one of her issues is too many sugary drinks. This one I can bring up, as they really are unhealthy, not just fattening. Theyre also often expensive too!</p>
<p>She will be away all summer working. I will certainly see if shes made plans for finding regular exercise. She will be doing a desk job all day long for the first time in her life, so shell need exercise for her mental health as well as physical. This is one area where I feel Ive done a good job modeling the right behavior, and I do believe she knows that she must make a place for regular exercise in her life. I just think she has a tough time pushing herself after having coaches doing it for so many years. </p>
<p>I also think I will try to talk to her about the fact that I feel I have failed her. We did not model the right portion control and food choices as well as we should have. I can blame my husband for that a bit, but I needed to step up and take responsibility too when she was much younger and I didnt make sure she was really eating right. I want her to know that I can help make up for that by helping her now, if she wants help, with a gym membership, cooking lessons, or whatever she feels will help her stay healthy. One of the things Ive done is use the My Plate food tracker on the Livestrong website. It was very useful for me to see how much and what I was eating. Id love to have her use it. I think shed be terribly surprised at how much shes consuming every day. At this point I think my suggesting it would not sit well, but perhaps I could show her how Ive used it and how interesting its been to see exactly what Im eating. </p>
<p>MomOf3 right now my husband is not a candidate for bariatic surgery due to other medical conditions, but perhaps if he can get those under control I could convince him to consider it.</p>
<p>There’s a persuasive hypothesis gaining traction in weight loss circles that you and your family aren’t skinny because of your eating habits, but rather that you have those eating habits because of your genetics/metabolism. You are programmed to not store fat and part of that programming is to not eat the calories to support fat storage. The family down the street might be programmed by their genetics/metabolism to store fat. Because their bodies insist on storing fat, they are compelled to eat voraciously. In other words, the eating doesn’t drive the weight gain. The weight gain drives the eating.</p>
<p>Start with someone at ideal body weight, perfectly in balance, eating 2000 calories a day, never gaining or losing a pound. Just exactly the right amount of fuel for each day’s activitiy. That person is storing a little fat each day, but just enough to burn during the night when there’s no fuel. Calories in equals calories out. Perfect equilibrium.</p>
<p>Now, throw a hormonal switch in the body that diverts an additional 500 calories a day, right off the top, locked away into fat storage, unable to be burned. First thing that is going to happen is that person will now start getting fat, at the rate of about 1 pound per week. That’s 50 pounds over just 12 months. But, that’s not the end of it. Because 500 calories a day are being locked away in fat storage, the body is now short 500 calories a day for fuel. The same 2000 calories a day are being burned, but there’s only 1500 calories a day in available fuel. That sends a starvation signal and that body is compelled to start eating more – 500 calories a day more. So, now the total food intake increases from 2000 to 2500 calories a day, all to support the fat storage that may be hormonally driven. And, guess what? As the body gets fatter, it is compelled to exercise less and less, reinforcing what quickly becomes a vicious cycle. You can tell that person to eat less and exercise more 'til you are blue in the face, but if the whole thing is driven by hormonal signals to store fat, the person is swimming against an incredibly strong current. With 500 calories off the top into fat storage, they would literally have to starve themselves to stop gaining weight.</p>
<p>The converse is also true. If you can throw a hormonal switch that causes the body to start releasing fat from storage, then all kinds of things happen that make a “diet” look easy. The body has an extra 500 calories a day to burn as fuel. The extra fuel compells the body to exercise more and eat less. Now, the body only need 1500 calories a day because it already has 500 a day from fat released from storage, so hunger goes way down – not because the person suddenly became “good” and stopped being a “gutton” and a “sloth”, but because the body is simply demanding less food.</p>
<p>There are several hormones in the body (insulin, glucogon, leptin, thyroid, etc.) that are directly tied to fat storage, fuel burning, and hunger signals in the body. We already know that hormones drive fat storage at various points in people’s lives: puberty, pregnancy, menopause, etc. A teenager doesn’t have a growth spurt because he suddenly became a gutton and started eating more. The growth spurt happens because of (among other things) human growth hormone. The voracious appetite is a function of the growth spurt. The basic concept is not even debatable. To think that obesity (or skinny-ness) doesn’t have physiological/hormonal/metabolic underpinnings almost requires a willful suspension of disbelief. Genetics play a big role, but Lustig and others believe that you can actually break your metabolism (in Lustig’s hypothesis, by the overconsumption of sugar).</p>
<p>The entire hypothesis makes a lot of sense especially when you consider how much more sugar we are consuming compared to decades past. I suspect that many overweight people have a strong craving for sugar/sugary foods. Does Dr. Lustig think that a person can ‘fix’ the broken metabolism? I’ve heard that in order to reverse the trend one needs to stop eating anything with sugar, basically forever.</p>
<p>Yes. The broken metabolism can be fixed – within the contraints of the particular genetic hand you were dealt. A person with “fat” genetics is never going to have the same metabolism as somebody with super-skinny Kenyan marathoner genetics.</p>
<p>The hypothesis put forth by Lustig – and by quite a few doctors who are successfully fixing people’s metabolism in clinics here and there – is that all of us have an individual tolerance for the foods that directly stimulate fat storage. Your skinny neighbor might be able to drink soda all day and never gain a pound. You might be able to eat a lot of bread and pasta and not gain weight as long as you don’t drink sugar drinks. I might have to cut out sugar drinks and bread to find my equilibrium point.</p>
<p>This is all wrapped up in the currently hot topic of [metabolic</a> syndrome](<a href=“http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0004546/]metabolic”>http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0004546/) a collection of related health issues that include obesity, type 2 diabetes, high blood pressure, bad cholestorol levels, and coronary artery disease. It appears that metabolic syndrome is essentially a condition of sugar intolerance and insulin resistance.</p>
<p>“I always felt that weight is something that is genetic. You could say I’m lucky to be so thin, but truthfully I had nothing to do with it.” </p>
<p>Then maybe it it should read</p>
<p>"I always felt that weight is something that is genetic. You could say I’m lucky to be so thin, AND truthfully I had nothing to do with it. "</p>
<p>In which case</p>
<p>"Instead of having lots of food around, large portions, and in-between eating, I tend to eat smaller portions, which might represent an inborn tendency, and “cutting back all those snacks” for me, isn’t necessary.</p>
<p>Finally,</p>
<p>“It might not seem so simple to lose weight if cutting back is not necessary”</p>
<p>And maybe, if cutting back is not often necessary, “Any suggestions about gaining weight? My 5’8” son weighs just 112 lbs." would be the most popular thread.</p>
<p>P.S. Almost no one in my family, or my family of origin, is overweight, but my D, who looks exactly like my SIL, including weight, but was raised 3000 miles a way, has struggled with weight since she was eight years old.</p>
<p>My family of origin DOES have a history of diabetes, but I believe insulin dependent, adult onset (yes, unusual).</p>