<p>Berurah, it is important that both people, but particularly the women, be honest with themselves about whether it’s “sex” or “love.” Often, and perhaps often prompted by religious views, a woman well tell herself that she’s in love as a way to justify having sex. Some guys will do this too, but not as much. A woman needs to be honest with herself if she’s just having sex, whether casual or not so casual.</p>
<p>The issue arises again when some make the equivalence of “good sex” = “love” or “love” = “good sex,” neither of which is necessarily true.</p>
<p>Aries, you have a point about the interrelationship between “how soon?” and how durable a relationship. Two hours is almost certainly always too soon; otoh, I know someone who’s been married for 14 years and is hoping that next weekend will finally be “it.” (j/k)</p>
<p>Fwiw, your sister already knows that when she brings a b/f home, I will be sitting in the living room, calmly polishing my 17th-century Turkish saber while I interrogate him. This approach saves work. She won’t bring anyone home unless she’s really serious about him.</p>
<p>And fwiw again, TheMom would be a kindred spirit of yours: she always saw it as no big deal from a feminist point of view to make a battle over whether she kept her father’s last name or took her husband’s, one man’s or another; she chose to keep her maiden name.</p>
<p>I would not expect either my D or her intended to ask my “permission” to marry. I would hope that they would ask for my blessing. A distinction.</p>
<p>I don’t see a problem with the 12-15 relationships over a number of years except that, remembering back, I always managed to sabotage a few with the “if it’s not permanent then what’s the point of even getting started” approach. It needs to be approached with more equanimity, I think. To every season, etc., etc., etc., and I spent needless time in an emotional desert because I was too insecure to deal with relationships that had uncertainties in them. One of the few things I regret. Risk more, reward more.</p>