<p>My sister has had chronic kidney issues since she was 10. She has had 2 transplants so far. I totally understand your concerns about insurance, etc. Is your dd equally concerned??? I ask this because my sis always knew that she would have to marry somebody “mature, stable, and with a good paying job with good bennies” because she knew that her future health and employment status may not always be so stable. She could not have wasted her time on any guy who could not “take care of her” if and when her next transplant occurs. Although she is a licensed therapist, she knew that she had to find a “good mate” and did so.</p>
<p>Ever hear of ‘‘oposites attract’’ - who knows what attacts them to each other - but to assume it is just sex is … well pretty assumming - they could well just have a nice caring relationship based on things they DO have in common - sans college.</p>
<p>I would also think that your DD may be experiencing those ‘change of life’ jitters - she is about to leave the known for the unknown - leaving her comfort zone - it is not uncommon for many kids at this age to suddenly get cold feet.</p>
<pre><code>I absolutely agree that this is a factor. We are trying to address these very normal feelings with her.
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<p>I would be willing to have the deposit in place at least </p>
<pre><code>Agree and done!
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<p>Am I the only one who is bothered by the fact that a daughter whose parents are paying for full tuition for 2 kids in college would ask her parents to “help” her “part-time working boyfriend” come visit her? Is she a bit “clueless” about money??</p>
<pre><code>No you are not the only one bothered. Its laughable is what it is! As far as being clueless, apparently she is (despite our efforts). She does do a great deal of community service and works for all her own spending money since age 14. But clearly she still doesnt quite get it. More work to be done there!
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<p>Im wondering if the whole relationship is based on sex- they dont seem to have a lot in common otherwise</p>
<pre><code>As I said early on, he is well-mannered, nice, and weve all enjoyed having him around the house. He can actually be quite witty. As far as not being as bright as D, few are (and I include myself in that number!). I can see what draws my D to this boy. He is, as I said, very funny. He does treat her very well (other than destroying her ambition!no bitterness here huh?).
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<p>I’ve actually had a friends go through this with her daughter with bad results. Friend"s D gave up college for dead beat guy. Moved away from home, now living in poverty. And this was a brilliant girl. My advice- promise her the moon to get her to college. There is such a big chance things will look differently to her once she’s there. And I don’t see much down side/ Say yes, we can get the boyfriend out to visit you for a long weekend. Yes, we’
ll fly you home for thanksgiving. You have a good cell-phone plan, you can talk. Etc. Say anything. Just get her to that super school.</p>
<p>jlauer95, I guess my DD is not as concerned about her health as we are. When she was younger we wanted to be sure she didn’t lean on it as an excuse and wanted her to consider herself a fairly healthy normal girl. Well I think we did too good a job. She is actually a bit cavalier about her health even going as far as getting very angry with us when the subject comes up in passing at the dinner table. She feels much less vulnerable than she is. That’s not helping this situation!</p>
<p>I remember a college friend who had her less than ambitious hometown boyfriend visit at college. We (her dorm mates) were SO unimpressed and told her so. She broke up with him the next week.</p>
<p>Im wondering if the whole relationship is based on sex- they dont seem to have a lot in common otherwise</p>
<p><<< As I said early on, he is well-mannered, nice, and weve all enjoyed having him around the house. He can actually be quite witty.>>.</p>
<p>I think that Emerald and I are just wondering about this because “couples that make good matches” share similar values and goals. What goals and values do they share??? Obviously not education and hard work.</p>
<p>Wow 1ofeach, my DD actually expressed a concern that if HS BF visited top tier he wouldn’t “fit in” with the kids there and would be uncomfortable. She actually even told me that’s why she is going to the prom as part of a girl’s “stag” group. She didn’t want him to spend money he didn’t have and she said he would be uncomfortable when people asked where he went to school. She seems to see this so clearly…why is she hanging on to this guy!!!</p>
<p>jlauer95, I do see the point here. Her current choices say a lot about who my DD is right now. Bright ambitious girls dont latch onto guys who are adrift for no reason. I think JeepMom may have hit it on the head in suggesting some change of life jitters. Hes sweet, hes comfortable, and hes saying all the right things. Clearly she is dropping her standards out of fear. Our D1 tried to do the same thing in not wanting to apply to the tougher schools. Just wanted to settle for one she knew she could get into easily. This is the same thing only D2 has latched onto a boy out of fear of the unknown rather than an easier school. But D1 did fine at top school and D2 will too. </p>
<p>Im tending towards 1ofeachs suggestion. Promise the moon. Get her there. Let the inevitable happen.</p>
<p>I just re-read all the posts and it occurred to me that I have neglected to say thank you! I cant tell you how much better I feel after reading what you all had to say. I have felt panic slipping in around the edges lately and I have begun to question whether I was doing the right thing should I have a man to man with BF, should I yell and scream (never effective!), should I back out and let mom handle it? </p>
<p>THANK YOU so much for your thoughts and suggestions. Ill keep you posted. In the meantime, where exactly was that remote ranch again???</p>
<p><<<< he would be uncomfortable when people asked where he went to school. >>>></p>
<p>omigod! This is like my brother in law!!! Altho my bro-in-law has a PhD in Particle Physics he refuses to work (no, he doesn’t do housework or care for the kids – they go to daycare). His wife is the bread winner and he refuses to socialize with anyone outside of family because he hates it when the question, “What do you do for a living” comes up. So… they don’t go anywhere.</p>
<p>Gardener,
I gotta give it to you, you’re pretty funny. What school do you attend, and how many of your buds are looking over your shoulder in your dorm room as you type this? You have all the CC cliches down perfectly. I hope your DD and your DW and the DBF work it all out, and may all of your top-tier dreams come true. :)</p>
<p>driver, I have the CC cliches down because as I said, I posted years ago when D1 was applying and have lurked here daily for years as D2 went going through process. Neither of my girls would have been accepted to these top schools without CC!</p>
<p>I don’t consider a bright girl with serious health issues about to throw away the opportunity of a lifetime funny. As for your well wishes, I will assume they are sincere and I thank you.</p>
<p>But if you are for real gard, buy the guy a plane ticket to visit in October. It will be the best investment you can make. A visiting loser will never fit in on that top tier campus. It may take a year but she WILL outgrow him.</p>
<p>bluealien01…no, I was referring to the acceptance to a top tier school because here on CC they say it’s like winning the lottery.</p>
<p>ohio_mom, yes she was accepted ED and I can still see her leaping off the floor in front of the Christmas tree as she read the letter. At that time, she had only been dating this boy a month so going away didn’t see such a terrible prospect.</p>